The best/worst time of my life.

The best/worst time of my life.

I feel a bit sick and I am peeing blood. Quite a lot of it. I also canceled TROM-Cast for today. So I thought let’s make this blog post and update you all about me. My life. And I.

Trying to compress half a year (or more) into a few words. Hard. But let’s do it. I tried to do this before, several times, but I didn’t have the time. Go.

So, a year ago Aaron who translates everything from TROM into german, came to visit me in Spain for 3 days. My first “meet-up” with a TROM human. It was great. We planned to make a bigger meeting in Spain so I decided around november last year to invite some 12 or so people who were close to the project, to come here in May. They got super excited and we rented a house for May 2019. A few could not come unfortunately. But the present heroes are: Dima, Mara, Sasha, Yoav, Aaron, Seb, Sofie, Rafa, Vicky, Cody.

This is me (haha) in my tiny room in Spain, back in 2011. Right after I got my first donation: 1.000 dollars in total, to buy a new computer and redo TROM.

I had to improvise and adapt to that little room. I had no chair and that thing I was staying on was very uncomfortable. The monitor was very far away from my face, and my astigmatism doesn’t clear things up ;). But it was good. I worked many hours every single day. 8 months in total. That’s me basically for the past 10 years or more. Alone. Me and my computer.


This is another, even smaller room, where I made TROM from a bunk bed. On my back looking at the ceiling where my monitor was in a constant terror of falling down. Poor thing.

This is from my room in college (rented apartment – no furniture, we had to find some). Plus, no washing machine. Don’t get fooled by the monitor, it was the only good thing about my system and was cheap actually. I still have that monitor btw. Since 2009 or so.

A big room it’s true. But fucked up chair, and computer, and everything else. Those football players on the wall are to cover the fucked up wall, and that bottle…is not ALCOHOL! 🙂 – it is water. I don’t drink alcohol. This is when I first conceived TROM, in that room.

I loved the computer world because it was a world that I could control and manipulate. I was a little god in a tiny universe. I realized that my god powers can extend if I switch from my romanian blog to making some videos into english. And so I made TROM.

Many years later, surviving through the calm world of being alone :), many times being told that I am too lonely, things changed 180 degrees. My loneliness allowed me to focus 100% on my godplan :). To me it was an advantage, though at times I felt a deep sadness inside. Don’t know why, maybe because this society is constantly reminding you that your life is not the “proper” life, and can get you at times. But from that perspective I was ok. Still stressed out because I was living among normal people who don’t care about this world at all: from atoms to money. For them this is “what it is”, and “that’s that”. For me, it is not. I am curious and furious. Curios about how the world works (whales and evolution, quarks and stars, and everything in between). And furious about this messed up trade-based society that fucks all of us up.

So we end up here:

People came in May. A bunch of them. I was very excited and a bit uncomfortable to be honest, since I am not used to be around people :D. The first 2 weeks or so we got to know each other better, had a ton of conversations, planned some stuff in regards to TROM and this trade-free idea, went to the beach, to the mountain, for long hikes, and so forth. ACTIVE. I struggled to make sense of it all. On one hand I absolutely loved it. I even jokingly said that if my life ends now, I am happy with how I lived it :D. Seeing these beautiful faces getting this idea of TROM that I thought I will forever incubate it alone (in my room), was the best thing/feeling in my life. To feel relaxed 100% around a bunch of people, for me, it means I’ve reached paradise haha. Because my entire life was everything but that. These people “got it”. They seemed curious and furious. Like me. On the other had I felt robbed of my time that I could have dedicated to work on my computer. I wasn’t god-in-the-computer, I was tio-in-a-group-of-people. I am used to my digital god powers and to be alone working on stuff, not with a bunch of people around. But if anything, it was the discomfort of moving from this to that. And nothing else. These people were fantastic.

Then, after a few days of intense activity, I felt sick. Like stomach sick. Mind you, I am used to long hikes and little sleep. I am fine with doing physical effort despite living inside a computer. I live in a very small town and it is normal for me to go for like a 10km walk a few days a week. But this time I did a lot of effort. I thought the food I eat made me feel stomach sick and the effort. Woke up the next day, went to to bathroom (like every creature with a bladder does), and because guys have this front-row seat when it comes to the miracle of peeing, I got to notice how instead of the yellowish stream that I am used to see every morning, I saw a dark red stream. And that wasn’t the beginning of a rainbow! No. That was blood. And boy I can tell you this is not a pretty sight. I immediately felt even sicker because I understood something is wrong with me. But I tried to lie to myself that maybe food can change the color of the pee in this dark reddish color. So I brushed this aside for a few hours because I was too distracted by those beautiful faces.

I continued to feel this sick feeling in my lower abdomen, and the second time I went to pee I saw the same kind of stream. That’s it. Fuck it. I am bleeding form inside. Of course I could not know (even remotely) what it could be: the effort? my bladder? kidneys? All? I told the guys about it and I rushed to the emergency room. There I provided a urine sample and they confirmed that I have a lot of blood in my urine. They asked me several questions and sent me home (told me to go to my doctor the next day). From that moment on everything changed for me. I simply could not enjoy the TROM meeting anymore because I was too concerned about the reason why I was bleeding and why so much blood. For sure, 100% sure, something “bad” happened inside my body. What followed was days going to the ER and appointments to doctors, and a struggle to try and enjoy the rest of the time I had with these people. We made that trade-free video, filmed some interviews, watched some weird things on the night sky through the telescope (like planets and stuff 🙂 ), and still had some fun. But I could not really enjoy it. At that point all I wanted was to sit down, relax, and be alone maybe. I could not join the guys for several hikes, and I love to do hikes, and that’s because what I realized was that when I was doing any kind of moderate effort, like carrying some heavy bags, going up the stairs sometimes, and so forth, made me pee blood visibly and feel stomach sick. If I then relaxed, I could see no blood. Exercise = blood. Not doing much = no blood.

It was very weird because it was so obvious. Like if I would do something of moderate intensity NOW, I would pee blood in the next 20 minutes. If I stayed in bed the next hour, no blood. I explained these symptoms to all of the doctors I’ve been to, but neither them or online searches could find this symptom anywhere.

The test that scared me

The general practitioner (the family doctor) then recommended me a test to check if there are melanoma cells in the urine. In other words, to test for cancer. The problem is that if that test comes back positive and they find cancerous cells, then you are pretty fucked. Blood in urine can mean cancer of the urinary tract. If it is bladder then your chances of surviving are super low. Like you’ll have at best 2-3 years of life. Kidney cancer is less dangerous and more treatable, but still, this test only finds aggressive forms of cancer so a positive result is a very bad news. The test was at the end of our meeting in May and it made me less and less engaged mentally with this entire thing. How unfortunate. Most of my life I’ve been alone and now that I finally found a bunch of amazing friends, I got into this health mess, being tested for cancer. From “the best time of my life” to “the worst time of my life” in just a few weeks. After 20 something days of staying here, everyone left except Sasha. I’ve previously talked to Sasha about the possibility of us moving together here in Spain, to rent something to split the costs. Other TROM people wanted to do that too, but Sasha was the only one to stay. Aaron also decided to move with us, but he would come later on in July.

The next days were stressful and crowded. I lived with Sasha in my little room in my parents’ house, while we were also searching for an apartment to move in. We could not find anything. In the meantime I decided to not wait for the cancer results and just go ask to the hospital for them. If I didn’t I would have have to wait a few more days. I went inside with Sasha and Georgi (my sister). We asked. They said the results were negative. Fuck yeah! I felt so good. Damn! Now everything seemed easier. I am cancer free! Or am I?

After a week or so we found an apartment through Georgi from the rental company she works for. This city is full of empty apartments but no one is interested to rent for long term, since it is not profitable. So thousands of apartments are not used most of the time. The apartment was great! 2 rooms, 1 for me and Sasha, 1 for Aaron. A nice livingroom. AC. Close to the beach. 150 Euros each for the rent (monthly).

But what about my health? Before continuing let me tell you that my parents, Georgi and Sasha helped me a ton this period of time. They came with me to the hospital, helped with whatever they could, and also kept me busy so to not stress too much about it all. Kudos to them!

Back to my health. It’s been a few weeks since it started. We investigated infections and trauma, cancer and other things. I started to pee less and less blood. Even when I was doing some effort, I didn’t pee blood anymore. I went to the doctor to continue the investigation. Before the cancer test and other tests (including abdominal ultrasounds), the doctor seemed pretty sure we will know what’s the cause, but the opposite became true. We had no idea. He said they didn’t find any cancerous cells but they found some “abnormal” cells in my urine, and that from here on he doesn’t know what to do so he sent me to an urologist. In a month time. I said ok. I started to feel better and no trace of blood in urine. The mega-TROM-trio was now living under the same roofs. The goofs.

My health investigation continues and becomes even more mysterious.

I went to the urologist. He asked a lot of questions. Told me that they found blood in all urine samples, so regardless if I see it or not, I am still bleeding. They also found proteins in the urine. That is a sign of a leakage from the kidneys. He sent me to 3 more tests. First is to repeat the abdominal ultrasound, second is to repeat the “cancer” one. Fuck! But, the more I’ve read about that test the more I realized is not 100% about cancer, is mostly about the analysis of the cells in the blood: cytology. So, not specific to cancer. For the first cytology test I had to provide an urine sample at the doctor’s office, that he put in 3 jars. Now I had to provide for 3 consecutive days. This one seemed to be more accurate which made me think that maybe they will find some cancers cells now, that they didn’t in the previous one. So it became stressful again.

The third test. A beauty! 🙂

The third test consists of a camera that they insert through the penis and into the bladder. Yeah. I immediately said no. I don’t want that. I’m not homo. And I left the doctor’s office. :)) No, of course I was ok with anything if we are trying to figure out my health problems. This test is kinda a definitive test to check for any problems from the tip of the penis to the bladder. If you have cancer, or a tumor, or lesions. That’s the test for you.

The ultrasound was fine. The cytology one I still don’t know the results…the camera one…all was clean and fine, which was the most welcomed news. First, let me tell you about how it went. Basically you go there, get Adam with them, then they use a syringe without a metal head to inject some anesthetic through the penis. That burns, ok?! Quite a lot. Very uncomfortable. In the next minutes the doctor comes with a long tube, quite thick if you ask me, and without asking what’s your favorite color, what movies you watch or what college you’ve been at, he inserts that mother-fucker-camera through the penis. We didn’t even get to know each other man. What’s wrong with you!? So now, they push it deeper inside you. It is like you get fucked in the penis, if you can imagine that. 😀 The worst part is when it goes by the prostate cause that’s a narrow space and I almost dropped a tear there. Once it is inside the bladder you simply feel a pressure but not pain, and you can watch on the monitor your insides. It takes a few minutes and then is over and your dignity remains in that office.

But I was super happy because, before this test, I knew that if I had cancer of the bladder then with this test we’ll find out for sure. So the great news was that I was clean. Very. Spotless.

Since around mid July to now (2 or so months) I didn’t experience any problems. I ran, hiked, walked, did all kinds of physical efforts and everything was fine. I became so relaxed after the camera test that I didn’t care much. I also had no dignity so that helped :). The “best time of my life” was for a reboot. Season 2. Some characters are back! New are coming. Some left the show. Sasha had to migrate to UK as a fugitive 😀 because her visa expired but she’ll get back in October for good. Seb and Sofie moved here! Wow. So cool. We made 2 desks for them. They live 10 minutes away from us. Extra-Spanish and chévere people Rafa and Vicky visited us, then the great Roma, then some other non-TROM friends. What is this!? Why are so many people coming over? 😀

In this Season 2 I also went to a kidney specialist. Talked a lot with them. They said they see 2 possible issues that I’ll mention later.

Yesterday

I went with Seb and Sofie to build a desk for them. We scavenged through the garbage bins for pieces of wood :D. People put stuff near garbage bins that are quite good. So we found stuff. We built a desk. (photos are from when we’ve built Seb’s desk a few days before)

In this entire time I kinda felt sick. Stomach sick. I realized my pee is dark and it looked like blood. It was for sure blood. Again! Fuck! I then realized that 2 days before we went to a big hike and I did a ton of effort…perhaps the story repeats! Fuck. I said I’ll take it easy.

Today

Last night I worked a lot on TROM and at around 5-6am I started to feel some stomach discomfort. Nothing unusual. Went to sleep. Woke up. I still felt that discomfort. Went to the bathroom and peed. Rainbow? no. Fanta? no. Cola? yes. It was blood. Quite a lot. Confirmed. It is happening again. The entire day I kinda peed blood, without even doing any effort. So that was odd. I also felt uncomfortable and sick. I got concerned a bit to be honest because it confirms that something is happening for sure, and it didn’t just go away. Something is wrong with me. But what?

Let’s pretend to be doctors. Let’s analyze.

I am peeing blood. It seems like I do that all the time, but it is microscopic. At times I pee a lot of blood (macroscopic). Losing a lot of blood it is a concerning sign because it means that something inside you doesn’t work properly. So we need to find the source.

I also pee proteins. Like M&M’s, Twix, or Mars. 🙂 Which means the kidneys are losing proteins. It is a leakage somewhere. We know that for sure. Except these it seems everything is ok with me. Based on these, the issue is for sure coming from the urinary tract. Kidneys, the tubes that go to the bladder, the bladder itself and the rest. It cannot come from anywhere else. We isolated it. Let’s catch it!

Now: we did 2 full abdominal ultrasounds, a ton of pee tests to test for infections, cancerous cells, and a lot more. Blood test and some physical tests. The camera test too (Remember? I don’t!).  Based on all of that my assumption is that the lower part of the urinary tract is ok. No bladder or prostate issue or anything in between. Which is great! I am confident that’s the case. So we are left with the upper part of the urinary tract to investigate. The tubes from the bladder to kidneys, and the kidneys.

The kidneys.

These evil twins that have a problem with the censorship (filtering). They let some stuff out, and not other stuff. Mine got hacked and their algorithm seem not to work anymore.

The kidney specialist said we are now investigating 2 things:

1. a genetic defect that makes the tubes inside kidneys be very thin so they leak proteins and blood into the urine
2. an autoimmune disease that deposits certain molecules in the kidneys and make them fail over time – that’s what I understood

The first is a no problemos! You can live with that for the rest of your life and experience no problems. But it might be the other. A progressive disease is…well….progressive…so it gets worse over time. I barely found some info about these issues. They seem to be very rare. So, the first “option” doesn’t seem to produce visible bleeding, so I am thinking it must be the second. So the second might be split into 2 kind of diseases as I’ve read here. But mainly it is this one and it seems like I fit the description pretty well. 

To summarize: it is a disease of the immune system. Your immune system fucks your kidneys up. If it is an aggressive form there are a variety of diseases that are occasionally associated and discovered while doing the investigations for this disease, like cancer or heart failure. But seems to be rare. So the disease can be moderate or aggressive. It can (and probably will) lead to kidney failure though it takes many years for that to happen. There are very few people suffering from this disease so not many studies went into it unfortunately. There are no treatments, only ways to maybe slow it down and manage it. In the end you may need a kidney transplant and in some cases, even after the transplant the immune system will do the same shitty things to the new kidneys. Jerk! Though I suppose that also takes “years in the making”.

Why I fit the disease:

Why I don’t fit the disease:

So. It is a good possibility that I do have this disease. In November I’ll have to provide more pee samples, like collect pee for an entire day in a big jar :D, to test for any issues with my immune system. And then they will take a tissue sample from my kidneys. We are getting close to solve this mystery! I am curious as fuck!

In 2 days I have another appointment with the urologist. I don’t think is much to do there if you ask me, but I may be surprised in an unpleasant way. He’ll probably tell me about the cytology test results, but even if they find some “cancerous” cells, they are from kidneys probably. Hope not. But the most likely disease is the immune one. And if that’s the case then I’ll deal with it! In the worst case scenario I may need a kidney or two for transplant in a few years (or a lot more years) time. And I am already bombarded with offers from these nice TROM people haha. If I have too many offers, I’ll sell some and pay for our servers haha.

I am now sitting in my comfy gaming chair, writing this blog in Collabora from TROMCloud 🙂 thanks to me, Alexio, and Stoic. I have a lot of news to tell you about ;). My health issues will probably continue for the next months or years and I’ll update this post when I find something new. So probably I just have to get used to it.

This November I want to plan for the next TROM meetup for the next year. We want this to be a yearly thing. I want to do cool stuff, and I’m already doing a bunch of. My life changed so much these past months, for better or for worse, but mostly for better. I am surrounded by the most awesome people. Thanks to them, and their kindness, I am able to cope with these in a decent way ;). Else I would be alone and stressed.

And if you want to donate a kidney, just in case I need one, calm the fuck down! There are some other people on the list so behave yourself! 🙂

To be continued….

update: 28.09.19 - giving birth to a meteor (almost)

After I wrote this blog post I decided to use this cool new app from the healthcare system here in spain. They really have a cool app where you can chat with a doctor, call them, get health tips based on where you live, etc.. So I said “Hi” on their chat. “You know, I’m peeing blood for the past days” I continued. I explained my symptoms and lucky they spoke english so they decided to call me. They suggested it is better for me to go to the emergency room because peeing blood may mean there are blood clots forming and you may not be able to pee. That was a selling point for me. Imagine going to pee and not being able to. Or it stops mid-way. I really don’t want that cause then they have to somehow  “fix” that. So, I went to the emergency room. I felt ok. They did a few tests: physical, blood + urine. Said all seems fine but yeah I still pee blood and they are gonna’ rush with that kidney test so I don’t have to wait 2 more months. They said I could do it the next week. Again, a selling point for me. I was happy. I could not participate to tromcast but I was watching it live from the hospital :):

I could only watch for some 30 min. I liked it. These guys are great :).
 
So now I was heading home and I had a slight lower abdominal discomfort. While on my way home, in the car, the discomfort got more and more uncomfortable. Went to my parents’ place to eat and yeah, I could tell, it was a bit uncomfortable but not unbearable. Got back to my place at around 10pm. The guys were done with the cast and I decided to meet them and go for a little walk. Me, Georgi, Seb & Sofie, and Aaron. The chosen ones. After some 20 min or walking my lower abdominal pain got more painful and localized. Left side. Back. Radiating to the front. But I thought I went to the emergency already and they saw nothing wrong so that gave me the confidence that nothing could kill me now :D. On our way back the pain got so intense that I could not walk very well. I had to take 2-3 breaks, sit down, then continue. I thought I’ll go home and stay in bed, get some sleep because the previous night I didn’t sleep much, and will be fine. WRONG! VERY WRONG!
 
Came home and tried to go to sleep early, like at 12am (yeah, that’s early for me!). The pain was growing in intensity and I simply could not fall asleep. I was sweating like a pig and it was a very bizarre night overall: super tired, a lot in pain – sleeping for like 5 min then waking up for 1h, then again falling asleep for 4 min and so forth. What’s a dream? What’s reality? Why isn’t this mother-fuckin-pain going away? I started to get worried. I said that I’ll go to the bathroom and if I still pee blood then I’ll call the ambulance. And it was indeed a very bloody pee. 6am and I texted Georgi that I’ll call the ambulance so they know (she and my parents). Called 112 and through an English translator I managed to summon an ambulance. I went to the hospital again. This time in pain. Georgi came with me.
 
There the pain got so intense that they gave me an injection straight away. Haven’t had those in like 15 years since I was in school – the injection, not the type. Butt injection. 🙂 It was very nice! 🙁 The pain went away so that was fantastic. They did an ultrasound and there we go. Finally we see something. My left kidney was ‘inflated’ and there was a meteor in there. Do you know that meteors, those “shooting stars” are only the size of a grain of sand? That’s interesting because they produce so much light when they enter the atmosphere. But anyways, I had one there – self-made, earth-like. I knew that I had these (not-cool-people call them “kidney stones”), and I suspected this was the reason I am peeing blood, but the doctors seemed to dismiss this “theory”. After the confirmation of the inflammation and the meteor, hell broke lose on me. Apparently pissing one of these (meaning getting it out of the kidney in a natural way) is one of the worst pains a human can experience. I’ve read that online. I’ve felt it in the hospital. There I am while I was dying:

It may not look like, but I was dying. The pain is so intense that if someone would give me 1 million euros to walk 100 meters in the next 20 minutes, I would have lost that million. The pain was in my lower left side of the abdomen, radiating to the front. Imagine a huge knife stabbing you in the back while at the same time twisting itself around. I had to call the nurses twice to give me more drugs. Last drug was so nice I felt dizzie and happy at the same time. And no pain. But my friends, that pain was intense. Never experienced that in my life. I’d do 5-penis cameras tests instead of one night like this.

The pain was managed with painkillers and I went for another ultrasound. Surprise! No meteor 2 hours later. Apparently it went out of my kidney. Yes! We had some answers. From where the pain was coming, from where I was bleeding. Or was it?

After all of that, some 7-8 hours in the hospital, I came back home and they recommended me some pills like Paracetamol to manage the pain. I took one pill at 3pm. I didn’t pee blood that visibly anymore. But at around 10pm I had a massive pain in my middle lower abdomen (front this time). I had to stay in bed for 1h and after I took another Paracetamol it went away. The hospital also messaged me to come by next day to check my kidneys, just in case.

I went to sleep at 12am and slept till 8am. Slept very good. No pain. Great!

Today, at the time of writing this section (hence the date in the section-title), I went again. I already know the drill: get naked, spread your legs, and start whistling. Oh wait that’s for something else :D. So yeah, I go there, again blood sample, urine sample, physical tests. All seemed fine except, again, I have microscopic blood in the urine. They could not tell me if this is a kidney-meteor related issue or it was since May, but they are now doing more tests just to make sure all is ok with me. So my next tests are: 24h pee collection to test for that autoimmune disease (I have to provide the sample next week and have a schedule with the specialist on 7th of november); a CT (radiology) scan with a contrast substance – this is a detailed scan of the kidney (and not only) where they inject a substance in your bloodstream and then scan your abdomen – this one can detect obstructions, but also tumors and other diseases; plus I also have an appointment with the urologist. Damn, many! Never ending 😀 – but is fine because we get to investigate all of it in detail. If the reason for my bleeding and symptoms is this meteorite (or a few of) then that’s no worry at all, but perhaps the doctors want to make sure that is nothing more serous than that.

Now I have no pain but I am concerned the pain may come back, though perhaps now that I almost gave birth to that meteor, is not gonna’ hurt as much. It may take weeks for the meteor to “go through the atmosphere” of your body, but unless it blocks something in its way, it should not be painful or as painful. I have 2 types of pills at my disposal if so. Let’s see. So far I am happy that the theory of the meteor is now a reality and it is perhaps what caused me so many problems for the past months. But it may not be the entire story. We shall see.

To be continued….

update: 02.10.19 - the meteor strikes again

Last night I wend for a walk with Georgi and I started to (again) feel the damn pain. I barely reached home. Stayed in bed, hoping it will go away. I was confident that now I had some painkillers at my disposal. I could take 1 every 8h. I took one at 10pm and the pain was kinda gone. But it came back in like 2 hours. A 5-6 pain. More to the front left side of my lower abdomen. No way for me to sleep with that pain. Around 2am it become a 6-7 and at times an 8. It was growing in intensity. I could only take the next painkiller in like 5 hours. Too late. Messaged Georgi and we decided to go to ER again. It is 40 minutes away. Good decision! We reached ER and I was in serious pain. The doctors recognized me already. They gave me a painkiller directly through my veins and the pain went away. So good!

My arms look a bit like those of a drug addict haha, because of so many needles that poked me over the past weeks. We had to stay there some 10 hours or so. A lot. Very tired. Managed to take like a 30 min nap in that hospital bed. Basically it is likely that the meteor travels from my kidney to the bladder and in its way there produces more damage, thus the pain. It may happen again….maybe even today. But the good news is that this is 99% likely the cause. I mean, it is the cause of my past weeks symptoms. Probably the past months symptoms but we still need to do more tests for that. The good news is that today they basically didn’t find blood in my urine – first time in the past months. This makes me think that the meteor was the one irritating my kidneys and making me pee blood since May. That’d be a perfect scenario ;).

Now I can take painkillers every 4h so that helps me a lot: mentally and physically. I will only take them if I have pain. So far I am ok. The doctor said the meteor may take another 5-6 days to leave the atmosphere and land in the Toilet ocean. We shall see ;).

Something else now. These past years and especially past months, I had to go to the hospital many times. The last week was a lot of that for me. In ER they “transported” me with a wheelchair (just in case) – cause at times I was on painkillers or on perfusion. They would take me to do an ecography for example, and they would put me in a short line of patients waiting for that. I only shared these rows with super old people who were very crippled. I was also, many times (or all the time), the only “young” patient in the ER. I saw this guy once, with swollen legs, you could see the veins and some dark patches on his skin. Very old. Could not walk. Coughing slowly, almost not willing to cough anymore. He was my neighbor waiting in line. I had these weird feelings about my life….I realize that I am super young still and I should use my body more. Maybe to go places, travel, hike, see stuff, meet stuff, experience stuff. Because one day, I’ll end up like my in-line neighbor. And I won’t be able to use my body. This is a sad feeling, but there is no escape from that. Yes, I find a lot of value in my online life/work, and yes I also go for short hikes and go out daily…I really like my life when I’m not sick. But I’m also thinking that my body will cripple and I will miss it at one point. To be able to walk, run, play, and just feel tired and that’s all, is an amazing feeling. The older you get the more problems you’ll have with your joints, muscles, other health issues, etc..

As much as I praise the Spanish state healthcare system, I don’t want to experience it very often. I want to just live and enjoy life. Take it in.

Life is like an ice cream. If you don’t lick it, it will melt 🙂

Luckily I am still healthy despite all of this. Maybe there’s only the meteor. Maybe I even have an autoimmune disease that won’t affect my life that hugely. regardless, I am still healthy. And young. I only experienced 31 Summers on Earth :). Maybe, like I talked to the most-traveling-traveler Sasha a few times, I may take a slight break from my online life at one point and just buy a motorhome and go travel for a bit. Just some nature, no thoughts about the fucked up society. To see how it is. We shall see ;).

To be continued…

 

update: 14.10.19 - probably I'm fine 😉

I had a CT scan of my abdomen (kidneys and gallbladder and all in-between). All great. Except a few more kidney stones (very small ones), everything is fine. They will “wash” away with water. DRINK WATER! And I’m already doin’ it! I used to drink Coca-Cola all of my life. Not anymore. Now I wash my insides with water.

Today I went to the urologist and only stayed there for like 2 minutes because everything was fine he said. I only have to do 1 more test and have 1 more visit with the kidney expert. But everything is perfect at the moment. Yellow pee. No pain. Let’s do stuff! 🙂

update: 07.11.19 - I'm fine

So, after all of this scare I can finally say I am FINE. I went today to the kidney specialist. After liters of urine samples and blood, CT scan, ultrasounds, penis-camera, and so forth, we have some kinda definitive answers: the meteorite fucked me for the past months. It fucked my kidneys to the point of degrading the function of my left kidney a bit. Even this last test (the 24 hours urine collection) showed that my left kidney is still not 100% functional, but close to that. Very likely it will recover. They still found a little bit of blood in urine but they said these can be normal after getting hit by that meteor so hard. Will do another such test in March to make sure all is 100% fine. So, ALL GOOD PEOPLE. Fuck me man, this was a scary experience. But kudos to this healthcare system here that took care of me, kinda trade-free. 😉

I won’t say this is the best time of my life since I’ve gone though all of these, but I am definitely gonna make it the best time of my life from now on. It will always be the best time of my life, till is not ;).

39 Replies to “The best/worst time of my life.”

  1. I suggest you to review what food you are consuming. Check minerals in your body.
    Read Michael Greger’s “How not to die”. Try starving. Often human body can recover itself, just do not bother with it.
    Wish you all the best!

    1. Thank you but peeing blood seems to have nothing to do with what you eat. What you eat doesn’t impact your health as much as some may say. If you can find any study showing that eating can make you “pee blood” then I would be curious to read it. Cheers!

      edit: I am also skeptical (very much so) that one doctor (not sure his specialization) or a bunch of other random people (book authors) know better than the worldwide medical institutions that operate based on clinical trials, studies, and such. They are applying the best science they know to detect such issues. I am happy that in Spain I get to have access to this close as trade-free healthcare system that so far it was very useful.

      1. I wanted to say that food (and not only food) does not affect specifically on how you pee. It affect you overall, including you immune system. I didn’t say that Greger will give you answer on you desease, but his book has bunch of information about health. And good thing of this book is that one third of it is links to studies which he used to compile his book.

        In all over the world we now have such healthcare system when it is better if you are doctor by yourself.

        1. Thanks. I am sure though that the doctors where I go are up to date with the latest research and they will recommend me the best treatment and tests. Food has an impact on your health for sure, but how much no one knows really. All of the studies I’ve read w didn’t conclude more than: for a healthy life eat many fruits and vegetables and have a varied diet. And these are studies done with millions of people for decades. 😉 – I posted them in a book I wrote for TROM (Eating the World and Ourselves) and many documentaries on VideoNeat.

          1. Too bad you had so much pain and suffering – but it’s good that you were taken care of. I agree that what you consume – food, drink, information etc.. absolutely affects your health. I speak from personal experience. Try changing what you eat and see what results you get. This is what is possible https://www.drfuhrman.com/get-started/success-stories and https://www.drfuhrman.com/get-started/health-concerns/75/kidney-stones

            Stay healthy – we need you and your leadership in this free trade movement – reminds me of the Ubuntu movement that M Tellinger started a while ago!

            Be well my friend and if you are ever in USA, you have a place to crash

          2. We have to be careful about who we trust ;). Yes your life experiences (what you eat, what you do, etc.) have an impact overall on your health. How much? Not hugely but still has some it seems. I mean if you smoke and drink lots of alcohol then is likely (but not at all 100%) that you will experience a bad health overall. But when it comes to diet it kinda depends….

            Thanks for your message and a small correction, we are not about trading freely (as in free trade), we are about not trading at all (as in trade-free). It is the opposite but I am sure you got it.

  2. Nice post :0

    You could consider what Artur said, starving better called Fasting, short or prolonged (and an appropiate refeeding)
    Some youtubers of the line are Loren Lockman, Robert Morsend, Markus Rothkranz, Earther Academy, and a bunch of others (some of people that support fasting are raw-vegans, or vegan, but not necessarily)

    Some of the statements that circulate on these circles is that “even with what you consider healthy food, if you have toxic organs, do not help much eat healthy”.

    Also agreed with Artur that the food issue is not “linear” and affect the other non-food systems.

    You could dive in the Toxic and Detoxification Communities a little, or curate more videos on Videoneat on this topic 😛

    That last joke about kidneys made me remind a joke that JF told about a doctor and a yatch :V

    “From “the best time of my life” to “the worst time of my life” in just a few weeks” that exactly is what happen to Josh Macin.
    ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0ybdABxMX8 ) from juijitsu champion to desperation to detox dude….

    May the Force be with you 😉

    PD : mmm, consider a serius SCREEN fasting…

    1. Going to the science tho 😀 – unfortunately I wrote a big reply and was lost… 🙁 – but well, show me the science (clinical trials) on the above subjects and I’ll pay attention to 😀

      1. ok, you got me on this …”Absolutely. It is very hard to gain direct inpatient control of subjects for long periods of time where you control all variables. It makes us an ideal human subjects research site.” (related to fasting research) https://youtu.be/HBHOFeOjaA8
        I suppose you can google scholar (or the motor of your predilection) articles in certain directions of fasting research.

        (using persuasion) don’t discard it flatly, or at least, don’t discard it as an experience. See some practical uses, if you have certain fasting level you can hike with less burden in your back (lighter bag) 😉

        1. I made a search engine here that filters by scientific papers – https://www.tromsite.com/tools/search/ and health. See if you can find something there. My knowledge tells me that fasting may be useful to lose weight in a rapid manner if under the supervision of a professional. And that’s pretty much it. https://www.nhs.uk/news/food-and-diet/news-analysis-does-the-52-fast-diet-work/ https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/how-to-diet/ and so forth. Imagine if I start fasting and I am actually physically ill, and I will make my health even worse. I’m going for the doctors still 😉 – a youtube video is not evidence I believe. We need studies. Clinical studies that run for years and involve many thousand of subjects.

          1. yep, there isn’t much around.

            https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26094889
            A Periodic Diet that Mimics Fasting Promotes Multi-System Regeneration, Enhanced Cognitive Performance, and Healthspan.

            https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20425196
            Prolonged fasting as a method of mood enhancement in chronic pain syndromes: a review of clinical evidence and mechanisms.

            https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27239035
            A Diet Mimicking Fasting Promotes Regeneration and Reduces Autoimmunity and Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms.

            https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29455546
            Effects of complete water fasting and regeneration diet on kidney function, oxidative stress and antioxidants.

            I imagine you want something in the spirit of doctor Colin Campbell’s study.
            A portion of the fastings performed are done with the main objective to loose weight, but no all of them. Some other portion is for healing purposes (not necessarily the hopeless cases)

            …anyway, I suppose sometimes one is in “see it to believe it” mode and sometimes the other way around.

          2. Always pay attention to how the study was done, the results m and how many people they tested. I briefly looked a the first study….38 people studied. That’s hardly relevant. Second is 55 people. Third is only in animals. And the last one only 10 volunteers… Yes it may be something interesting about fasting I’ve read studies too, but nothing relevant today that I am aware of in terms of “knowing for sure”. It is still in the study phase. Thus, it should not be recommended so easily. Needs to be done as an experiment under the supervision of some health professionals.

          3. Ok…sure, some methods of say fasting may be “good” for one’s health. Could be, under certain circumstances….the science is new and the benefits don’t seem to be that obvious from what I know.

  3. Oh man, hope you’re getting well now 🙁 So scary to read all of that. So sad all the tortures you’ve experienced in Aug aren’t end. Please, take care and get well!

  4. Hey Tio. I saw TROM’s FB story, and saw your update. Kidney stones is an obvious thing — how the hell did they not see that? Anyway; humans…
    By the way: my father has had kindey stones three times in his life (perhaps to much alcohol/bad life style/genetics/…); the first time he was recommened by a hippie herbal ‘doctor’, experienced in her own way, that he should drink ‘Goldenrod’ tea. Even though it is not modern medicine, it has helped flush out the stones quite quickly all three times. And not very painfully.
    Now that I read about it, before I should start to recommend bullshit to you, it is even said in wikipedia about ‘goldenrod’ that it has been used for the same exact condition, and other urinary cleansings; not mentioning the effectivity, of course.
    If you can find it, it’s worth a shot. Even though your problems might be over already. But many who’s had it once, get it several times; so think about it! It’s certainly not poisonous; if you can find a herbal store, and dare to step a bit away from ‘social’, medical, services.

    1. Hi Carl,

      Well they did see that but kidney stones have different symptoms than what I have when I presented myself to the hospital for teh past months. Namely they hurt if you pee blood. For me nothing was hurting. So they are careful people who want to make sure I don0t have any progressive disease that may put me on dialysis. So, I think they are doing a fantastic job assuming the worst :D.

      As for prevention and treatment thank you. I will though lean towards asking the doctors first. And sure, if something is not harmful or making your situation worse (by not using what teh doctor recommends), then giving them a try might be worth it. Cheers!

      1. Well; you’ll figure it out. If you can find it, try it. If not: modern medication is just fine.k Might as well be placebo effects working with these natural ‘remedies’; but kidney stones is hard to believe your way out of – so it might have a good effect; or not.
        Anyway, just an idea; good luck with everything. And get well soon, hopefully!

        P.S.: those who have recommended looking at improving your diet and looking after the color of you pee, indicating if you drink enough fluids (not that I always use that indicator and eat healthily), have a good point. Even if your lifestyle is quite healthy already. And hospitals do miss telling some basic information at times to patients. If they cure/educate/prevent sickness in a patient, they lose a costumer!

        1. But you see this is the difference that I explain with trade: where there are less trades, the system is better. For example since the Spanish healthcare system is less based on trades (you pay nothing for a hospital visit or treatments), then is very unlikely that “. If they cure/educate/prevent sickness in a patient, they lose a costumer!” – because we are not consumers here. It is true for the private healthcare, but not for the state I would say. To the contrary these doctors here, as I explained in the article, sent me to tons of tests despite me having kidney stones, just to make sure I’m ok. And they do that without me giving them anything (except my data and obeying Spanish’s laws) in return. I write about my experiences with the healthcare system in several TROM books actually, after I tested them both because I have 2 insurances (private and state). Private is always going to exaggerate with unnecessary tests. As for the color of the peed 😀 – the doctors have looked at that since the beginning – from May on. It is teh first question they ask me and first thing they look at when I provide them with the sample. 😉

          1. All right Tio; that seems like a reasonable observation. :-)2
            Great to hear that you have such access to healthcare in Spain — I fid not know the degree to which you have that. Then it is remeniscent of the Danish system. We are still not sane yet, though. Teeth go under private healtcare in Denmark, but all other bones/calcium related operations/examinations go under public healthcare. (???)
            Anyway; thank for what you’re doing. I wish to help TROM more one day; unfortunately I am more experienced in learning than using the information/spreading it, outside conversations. It might come, with the right company; or else nothing is either right or wrong (subjective reality) — neither doing or not doing something about the world. We can do what we are able to.

          2. Ah yes the dentistry is a massive business and as far as I remember it was forced to be like that. It is insane is true. Same here in Spain. And for sure, learners are the ones who may “get it”, and at times they’ll also do something. I know a few “learners” who became “doers”, but just learning and knowing I think is also a great feature you have to preserve, because it means when change happens you are there to better judge and accept it ;). We have a public discussion chatroom at tromsite.com/act – anytime you want, come there we discuss stuff from time to time 😉

          3. Well; if we were smart enough to simulate and predict future change completely (in micro and macro scale), the world might be a more boring place; so let’s enjoy not knowing how it’ll all turn out, and the motivation of trying to change things in a way, we don’t know if will happend. And enjoy life. Even if everything is just cause and effect, and can only go in one way, in one ‘start’ to one ‘end’ of an ‘uni’verse.
            So if it goes, I’ll adapt to doing more; its just how life made recently. But it’s good for learning to have a break!

          4. I wanted to join the “DO SOMETHING” Trom-cast, but you had to cancel it that day; so another time. 🙂 And nice chatroom. You have flair for programming! Not as much as Boston Dynamics though; amazing what they are able to do with Atlas.

          5. And also, I am having some trouble posting comments on my phone here. It’s as if I had two split the two earlier comments to post; either that or my connection, which should be okay. Not sure.

          6. ah ok…I honestly don’t use phones at all so I don’t know…I did not test on phones at all 🙁

          7. Yeah tromcast these days is a bit “unstable”, mainly bcs of my health issues. But we’ll get back on track with it.

          8. Well, thats life. 🙂
            Get better; at least it’s probably ‘only’ kidney stones!
            See you next time i join.

            And maybe you do a tromcast on loneliness one day? If you didn’t already. It’s a major global problem.

          9. Yes we should do one on loneliness! Join our public trom discussions if you want and propose that 😀 – I hope to see you there Carl! 😉 – we will probably do it this week.

  5. Well, I hope it’s just kidney stones!!

    If it is then changing your diet is one of the suggested things to do. But I’d start by making sure I’m drinking a lot. You mentioned having yellow pee normally. It should be nearly clear white. Just a touch of yellow. But I’m not a Dr and I’m sure you’ve already read into it all. But Kidney Stones does also make sense.

    https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/kidney-stones/symptoms-causes/syc-20355755

    When you do lots of activity your going to be more dehydrated. That’ll increase the crystallisation.

    Maybe that bottle of water not alcohol needs to be used more? I’m not sure, but like trying to wash your hands as a Dr it’s worth a try.

    Good luck Tio!

    1. Pee can vary in color https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urine#Color and my pee color was normal in the latest tests as the lab tests confirmed. As for prevention, diet usually means drink a lot of fluids, something my doctors recommended already 😉 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidney_stone_disease#Prevention

      and hehe I don’t drink alcohol, I never did. 😀 – And for the past 3 years I only drink water and nothing else actually. But before that I used to drink some 2L of coca-cola a day…so that’s that. Thanks for your message and trying to also play the DR like I do 😀 – these things are hard to guess that’s why you need lab tests and clinical trials to come up with an educated answer. So let’s see how this evolves. SO far I feel very good. 😉

    2. From my experience, … to your case..
      Last ten years My life has changed that way: I had less and less movement and different food – so I had(have):
      weight increased 15kg
      problems with knees
      plus blokade of veins in a leg.
      I also didnt use toalet on time (serving customers in a shop) so I had strong contraction of bladder

      As you remember Jacque F. said :’Reasons are many..’

      I decided to change my habits – finding many difficulties- but with positive results .

      You Tio was working many hours with computer. Have you exercised any way? It is important for your body.
      I know today movement and level of stress for human health is very important. Not just walking , we need to wear ourself sometimes.
      Connection of your habits with disease doesn’t have to be obvious.

      1. I am going out often usually and for long walks. 😛 – It is generally recommended to do some effort every week. I think I fit into that description 😀 – ofc that has nothing to do with the kidney stones 😛

  6. I found it funny – a trade-free person supports coca-cola industry(by drinking coke). Variety diet is a variety of coca-cola- let’s make a mix : zero zero diet zero full-fat diet zero. I am not drinking coke for 15 years.

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