Category: personal

The Beginner’s guide to Friendica

The Beginner’s guide to Friendica

I wrote this blog recently about what the Fediverse is and why it is so awesome, together with how I created a monster to automate our Friendica TROM page and my personal account to post everywhere (Facebook, Twitter, TROM Live, my Live). Yesterday we had a really great TROMcast with the people behind Friendica and Mastodon, and And I want to write a brief “beginner guide” to Friendica, because I love Friendica :). And the people behind the project are super friendly.

First of all, make an account to give it a try.

There are many “instances” so you can choose whichever. I personally recommend It works great and the guy behind the project seems like a very nice human. Register and wait for approval. I know, it seems like a pain in the ass to wait for approval, but trust me on this. It is going to be a fast approval and they do that so that they keep these instances nice and clean. Your account will be approved 100%.

Tweak your account.

After you are approved simply go through your settings and set up stuff. It is a lot better than Facebook and easier to grasp and very clean. You can choose to block content based on language, words, you can choose who can see your posts and such. It is up to you how you set this up. Take it easy. No rush. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, and you can do any changes in time. It is your baby dear.

Start to follow people and organizations.

This is what you are there for. But how can you find them? Don’t be like a hungry bear that goes into a house and wants to eat everything it finds, and if it does not find much, it goes away. Be a nice, civilized, and sane bear and you’ll get to eat in that house very good food and not get fat. For starters you can follow us, people from TROM. Sasha, Shas, Aaron, me, Alexio and more importantly our TROM page. Then look through our contact list and add more people. Let it grow slowly and organically. In the contacts settings, you can search people based on interests (keywords). Let it grow slowly and I mean that. You may be used with Facebook and the crazy of influx of information that engulfs your entire life. This is a way for you to start as brand new and meet new people. It is like moving from New York (facebook) to a small nice village. You’ll see, life is better there ;).

The awesome part that keeps me personally there.

Friendica opens the doors to pretty much any Federated network. Say you find a Mastodon account in the wild. Copy the url to your Friendica search bar then simply follow them. Do the same for any other Federated network. Now you can interact with these people (send private messages, see their posts in your feed, comment to them, like, share, etc.).

Follow websites!

Yah! You can. Pretty much any website (since most have an RSS feed). Copy our url, or,,,, or any other that you like, into the contacts page and just follow. You’ll get to see the posts in your feed whenever these websites post new stuff. How cool! You can also tweak the settings for each such website, individually. For example you can set up how frequently you get updates from them, if you want to get a notification when they post something new, or format how the posts should look like.

At times, if these websites support it, you can see their entire articles in you feed so no need to go to their websites. I recommend you select “fetch information and keywords” so you get to see their posts as a summary and link to the original article. And lastly, you can select to auo-reshare any of these websites’ posts on your profile if you wish. Or as your own posts.

Follow Twitter!

If you have a Twitter account, now is the time to never use but use it through your Friendica. Go to Settings – Social Networks and click the Twitter tab. Connect to your Twitter (easy, a few seconds). Now you should choose “allow posting on twitter” and “import the remote timeline”. Why? Because now if you want to follow someone on Twitter, simply copy their twitter url, the entire thing, into the same contacts page and follow them. And you’ll see their posts in your timeline. Easy.

You can reply to these Twitter accounts from Friendica and interact with them from there. Super cool. I already follow a few Twitter accounts and works great.

Follow Facebook pages and more!
You cannot follow people/pages from Facebook in a “native” and interactive way, but there is a way you can do that when these are public. Go to our RSS-Bridge service here. Search for Facebook Bridge | Main Site. Now click “show more”. And add a Facebook page name that you want to follow as I showcase bellow. “username” is the page name.

Now click “Html”. You will be redirected to a new page where you can see the posts of that page as such.

Right click the Mrss and then Copy Link. That’s all. Now you have the RSS link of that Facebook page. Go to your contacts page and add it there. Then click “connect”. Same as adding any contacts or websites.

And that’s how you can follow Facebook pages or public profiles. Use that RSS-Bridge. You cannot comment/interact with these, but well…at least you can follow them. I suggested to Friendica-friendy developers to add the RSS-Bridge as an addon to Friendica, so that if you want to follow a user/page to be as easy as pasting the facebook URL into the “add new contact” form, and the rest is magic.

Follow the entire internet!

Follow Youtube, WordPress plugins updates, Wikipedia daily article or “did you know?”, VK pages, Vimeo, photos from Unsplash, you can even follow Twitter users and pages without an account or even follow hashtags….you can follow Telegram public groups, or when new stuff is added to the BitTorrent network (like say you want to know when a new episode from whatever documentary series you like, is available on torrents). Follow Sub-Reddits, or even PornHub; follow the latest releases on FDroid and sooo much more. I am telling you, this RSS-Bridge is amazing and you can use it as a proxy for connecting your Friendica to pretty much the entire internet.

So yah…slowly you can add up as much stuff to your friends/follows as you want. Create a stream of what you love from the entire Internet.

Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and the like, thought people that they should be spoon fed. You wait for them to feed you, and that led to a world where what you consume is always what these platforms are feeding you. And they do that based on their own interests, not yours. And you end up being unable to control that spoon ->>

It takes a bit of time to move to a place like Friendica. But not as much as you might think. However, you have to get used to feed yourself. Grab that spoon. Choose your food. You will see that it makes a huge difference in the long term.


Why I got married?

Why I got married?

This is me, Sasha, and the mayor of a small Romanian town. He, through the power of himself, declared us “connected”. United. Glued. Forever sticky with each-other. I also wear a “camiseta” – that kind of shirt that you usually wear for special events. It is not mine and I don’t usually wear such things. Sasha is wearing a traditional romanian shirt. :))

I know, you may think yourself “What in the fuck…”. I do the same. But we did this because we had little to no choice. Not because we liked or wanted to. This is going to be a long post that summarizes some 9 months of my life. I need to take this off my chest. I also want to draw the attention to why this “marriage” ritual is more than a cute thing that people do. It is an abusive and mindless ritual.
How come I, the one who make fun of such rituals, got married?
I created TROM Documentary in 2011 to, among many things, poke fun at such rituals and to make people aware of such nonsensicalities. And now I’m part of them. But why? WHY? Well, there is a good reason why.
It started some 2 years ago (as far as I remember) when Sasha contacted me to help with TROM. She just discovered the project and really liked it. This was not unique since many people have contacted me to help with the project over the years. But Sasha started to help immediately and even created some discussion groups on FB and offline, where she would take each part of TROM Documentary, watch it with other people, and discuss it afterwards. She also made some Youtube videos with these discussions. Here. I thought that’s super interesting and I was super happy to see someone that’s so pro-active. We got in touch more and more over email and on Riot and I even participated to one or two of her online discussions. She was also helping with proofreading the TROM books and other materials. So, she was helping a lot and she was very interested in the project.
She had a website where she was posting about her very-interesing-life. I have to be honest here, I didn’t look at the website very much until later on since I was so busy with TROM. Basically she traveled all around the world for 10+ years, meeting all kinds of cultures in her way, and having a very different lifestyle than your normal Kathy. I traveled between my room, bathroom and kitchen for the past 10 years, but despite that we realized that our values (let’s call them TROM values 😛 ), were very much aligned, like Musk’s ‘penises’ when they descend.

After a few months, maybe more than a year actually, of staying in close contact and me realizing more and more that she is serious about not being a Kathy (sorry Kathy, nothing against you m’am, but the world is full of normal people), I asked to her to let me help rebuilding her website to highlight her lifestyle/ideas even better. To make something unique out of what she got there. I helped a few other people/projects in the past with their websites when I considered what they did as interesting. I like doing that. So it was nothing out of ordinary for me to propose that to her. It was really interesting to see Sasha writing about her unique exploration of Earth together with linking to relevant TROM info. Awesome photos, awesome stories. Smart writing. I really liked it. What she did with her blog was medicine done right. It was like when I was little and my mom used to put medicine in my soda drinks. A tasty way of getting healthier. Combine a “cool” lifestyle (that’s more than cool, it is interesting) with in-depth materials about our society, culture, tech, science. Sasha put the medicine out there in this easy-to-swallow-way. And I just wanted to make the “holder” (the cup) of her stuff, a bit more interesting.

Why Sasha was Aaron?

Side note: After swimming in these “activism” waters like TROM, TVP, TZM and the like for a bit, I noticed how many (MANY) people are in for the “making friends” of it. They want a connection. They want relationships. They want a community. Nothing against that, but to me that’s a bit puckey. If you are in search of a community on top of being interested in the project, then great. But if you make it more about the social aspects of it, then I hate you. I struggle like crazy to make these ideas (TROM ideas) easy to grasp and known, and if people join mostly to talk to others and find friends, then it is extremely disappointing for me. I failed. And I saw people that were in search of girlfriends and such, in these groups, more than they were interested in the projects. Girls (vagina-and-boobs-shaped humans) are a rarity in such groups. Thus, when they are present, I saw penis-and-no-boobs-shaped humans hitting on them. Perhaps because people in such groups are quite lonely, they would absolutely love to be in a relationship (feelings, sex, whatever) with another human that shares these “weird” values that very few share. Let’s be honest, finding a girlfriend (if that’s what you want) who is also interested in how this society works, is quite rare. Guys are more interested in such topics (statistically-observed-by-me and-others). So, in a way I get it, but it is uncomfortable to see such situations where people use such interesting projects like TVP, TZM, TROM and the like, to “hook-up” with others. I’m not saying they join for that reason, but that’s what I observed a bunch of times with several people.

Ok. So. I realized that I am quite an abnormal creature. Even compared to the people from such groups. I do not need a community, or a relationship. I am perfectly fine by myself. All of my life I lived alone basically. Relationships? A girlfriend? What are those? How do they smell? I tried them in high school for a bit, then in collage. I realized that they are over-hyped by our culture. Boring. And non-interesting to me. Both the community and relationships. Give me the sexiest girl in the world, make her my slave, but if we don’t share these TROM values then it cannot work. It is a no-brainer really, but something people might be very naive about when they only look at the wrapper of the package, instead of the “package” itself (values). So even in that scenario I’ll end up with a sex slave that might stress me out more than I stress her. In college I fancied about “relationships” a little bit and I remember a girl asking me to please stop poking jokes at her boi Jesus when we are together…..Yeah…..sure….If religion is bullshit, I’ll call that bullshit, like it is. So no thanks. I won’t ever be able to stay close to such normal creatures that are both shallow (know very little about the waters they swim into), and plain simply crazy (full of BS ideas and pseudoscience).

The idea here is that I am so curious about the world (what the fuck is happening) that I don’t give a fuck about anything else. Period. I don’t dream about a girlfriend, friends, a community, a horse, a sex slave, or a new car. If those will emerge somehow then great (no sex slave tho – humans need-be-respected-and-not-harmed), if not then I don’t care. So, with that being said, I was never in pursuit of anything but TROM-related-stuff for the past 10 or so years. I never joined any meetings anywhere (not even online, except let’s say 2 or so), and I never wanted to meet people in “real” life. Not even TROM people. I don’t know, but it was always uncomfortable for me. Just leave me alone. 😀

For the past 2-3 years I was a bit more lose in the sense that a few people said they want to visit me and I was like “eh….ok….will see”. Normally I won’t even reply to such messages. I realized that life is short and I spent more than 10 years alone in my room writing stuff and making videos. Why not try to taste from a different kind of lifestyle? And so Aaron ‘forced’ me to accept his invitation to visit me. 🙂 He came to visit me for 3 days, after we worked together for like 2 years online. He was the first TROM human I met. Then I thought, with him, to organize a TROM meeting in a few months time and invite some close-TROM-friends. So we did. I liked Aaron a lot. Such a great human.

Now, why was Sasha, Aaron?

Because I had no other interest in Sasha more than I had in Aaron or the other TROM people we invited in May. For me they were equally friends. TROM friends. No expectations like “Oh, let’s invite Sasha so maybe we get together and I finally have that girlfriend that I was dreaming all along.”. I had no such “visionary” projections about my future.

In any case, Sasha was one of those that were invited. She was happy. Very. And she came last out of all, arriving 1-2 days later in Spain, after hitchhiking from Russia. Crazy! This is when we all met her:

This is her and her backpack. Can you tell which one is which? Because I offered my help to carry that backpack up 1.448.566 stairs to the house where we would stay, and trust me I felt like carrying Sasha and her entire family all the way. I never in my life had to carry something as heavy as this backpack. This girl must be strong to carry that thing from Russia to Spain. Small but strong.

People came. We had fun for 3 weeks. Almost. I was kinda sick, peeing blood for like half the meeting. I thought that backpack bursted something inside me. In this meantime me and Sasha ended up together. Two planets from different solar systems, coalesced. How that happened? I don’t remember. I think one day I woke up and I was informed that me and Sasha were a “couple”. I was fine with that. It was quick. I was sick. I think I was taken advantage of. IDK. 🙂 – No, I am joking of course, we got really well together and it was unavoidable to coalesce. Gravity.

Before this meet-up several of us discussed about the possibility of moving together after the meeting was over. Only 3 of us (me, Sasha and Aaron) moved together right away. It took us 2 weeks to find an apartment in a town that’s 90% full of empty apartments for like 8 months a year. We were refused because we were not a family, we look too young, or we wouldn’t be able to prove that we have a steady income and such. It was an awful experience. We were lucky to find an apartment through my sister’s bosses that own a rental company.

Anyways, now me, Sasha, and Aaron moved together.


But it was the beginning of an end. Only 1 month after we moved together and the flowers were blooming in our young hearts, Sasha had to leave Spain. Why? Was she sick? A lesbian? Did Aaron and Sasha had a relationship behind my back? Did I start to snore too loud? Mnot. The thing is that in this society you can’t just live on Earth. When you are born here, then you can’t go there that easily, or at all. Imaginary borders are well maintained and supported by pillars of paper. They call them IDs, Passports, VISA (Vehement Inspection of the Soul and Ass), etc.. Sasha was born in one of the Earth’s ‘gardens’ called Russia. Then she hopped into USA. So she had 2 “nationalities”. But I was in Spain (Europe). She, russian-american, Me romanian-european. The truth is we were like oil and water in this society. We could not mix under its rules. The papers won’t allow for that. Sasha wrote a great blog about this Prison Earth we all are inmates of, so I highly suggest you go read that.

Sasha had to leave. USA? UK? No-way? She chose UK. Was closer to Spain and a friend of hers was beyond kind to let her stay there for free in her apartment. Just one month after we signed a 1-year contract for the apartment (rental), Sasha had to leave to UK and stay there for 3 months. The Europe prison says that someone from USA can only stay for 3 months in Europe and then leave Europe for 3 months in order to be able to come back for another 3. 3 is the number of the god europa, a bitch of the sea. UK is part of Europe (but not “properly”) – so Sasha was able to use that as a saving boat. Sasha leaving Spain was not as easy. I thought she was used to going places and sleeping in a tent :D, but the thought of leaving Spain so quickly and maybe having to go to US or somewhere else and work, put a toll on her and I saw her very sad. So sad I really got pissed at this society to the point of wanting to punch the society in the face. She was low on money so it was quite a bad situation. She was also in the middle of writing a book about her life and getting interrupted by these stupidities that our society is so proud of, is soul crushing. I “forced” her to create a fundraiser for her book and a Patreon (link). Fortunately a few kind people donated money. We were both kinda at the edge: financially, emotionally. Anyways, she left. She stayed there for 3 months. She didn’t have to work thanks to the donations she received and this friend of hers that was so nice. It was ok in the end.

The only positive part is that while she was there, we talked on the phone almost every night. I swear VISA made our relationship better. We got to be best friends and in no way we would accept this bullshit paperwork to split us apart in this idiocratic society. If this doesn’t sound like the start of a romantic movie, then I don’t know what. I call it Shrek 5: in the search of the lost queen.

The queen got back after 3 months and we had to quickly think of something to be able to stay together. This is a photo I took after we “recovered” her from the airport in Barcelona.


Now we were in Spain. Sasha could only stay for 3 months there. How can we fix this?


We have 2 young (yes!) creatures on planet Earth. They are humans.

1. Sasha. Purple. She is labeled as russian-american.


Places she can go to (source 1, 2):

This bitch can go everywhere around the world you might say. The red and blue is where she actually can go and stay, the rest are places where she can stay somewhere between a month and three months on average. The grey is “bitch you need to ask first and we may refuse you, and if we accept you, you won’t stay for long.”

1. Tio. Blue. He is labeled as romanian.


Places he can go to (source 1)

Even this cunt can travel a lot with the romanian passport. But, except Europe, every other place on that map he can only visit for one to three months on average. The grey area is a no-no. Including USA and Russia, where the human number 1 can reside.

The following is an interactive map I really struggled to put together. Here is Planet Earth. The most gifted rock in the Universe. Purple and Blue want to be together. Live together on this rock. But how? I combined both of the above maps into one to showcase where Purple and Blue could stay together, because the above maps do no justice to the injustice. Those shades of green there may make people think that we could have lived together pretty much everywhere.

So. Let’s make it dark.

Where you see dark grey, those are the areas where we could have stayed (both of us) for a few days to up to 6 months maximum. That within a year, or less period of time. Simply put these dark grey areas are for tourists who go there to visit. On top of this, all of such dark grey places have their own rules (trades you have to respect) – so is not like you simply go there and all is fine. Or it’s not like it is so easy to access these places.

The black areas are areas where at least one of us can’t really go unless they get a VISA. And that’s usually difficult if not impossible to get for humans like us who do not have a job or money.

Blue is where blue can stay, but not purple (except for 3 months every 3 months). And purple is where purple can stay, but not blue (except if he gets a VISA for a period of time – months – which is difficult to get).

Now click on the map, on any tribe, to see where we could have stayed and how. The rules there. The conditions.


To my surprise there is ONE, 1, UNO, place where both of us could stay “forever” and ever and build our kingdom of TROM. That orange island there on top. The great island of Svalbard. It is the only place in the world where anyone can go. From anywhere. No VISA. No restrictions. Almost…What’s the catch?

  • Population somewhere over 2 thousand people. Few and in-between.
  • Very “wild” and cold. You need a proper jacket and a gun. And I mean it. It is required when you go out to either have a gun and know how to use it, or go with someone who has one and knows how to use it. Why? Polar bears. Fluffy and deadly.
  • It is expensive to go there. Flights alone are in the hundreds of euros.
  • It is difficult to get there. Likely you have to go through Norway (its mother land), so if you can’t access Norway then you can’t really access this place.
  • You can stay there if you can financially support yourself – being part of Norway you can be sure the life there is one of the most expensive in Europe.
  • You won’t have access to healthcare or other social systems unless (probably) if you pay for that which is (probably) super expensive.

In all, it is great to see that such a place exist, but in no way this would be an option for us. We would barely have the money to buy a ticket there. But then, unless we hunt polar bears with our bare hands, we could not make it. Here’s a cool video about the place:

Now, there are ways for you to go to most of the world’s tribes and live there. Like having a job there, or invest into a business, buy land or whatever. Meaning, if you have money you are able to go. But even then it is a bit complicated. We don’t have any jobs and are barely making a living so these are no options for us. We looked and looked and looked into ways of staying together on this planet and we could not find any that could work for both of us. Unless we decided to become 100% slaves and try to get a job – tho without a diploma (me) or a proper one (her), even that would have been nearly impossible.

What are our options then? Very few, if any. So, we decided to get “married”. This way the tribes seem to allow us to live in Europe at least. It is so ridiculous that a piece of paper that basically says “these two people are together” can be so important. If this isn’t Idiocracy then….. Needless to say that none of us ever gave a fuck about this marriage ritual. Most people on this Planet seem to be enslaved to this idea, even the most skeptical of them all are pray to it. Which is very weird to me. But if that’s the solution then fuck it. Let’s do the stupid ritual and have that paper that will allow the Purple inmate to live in Europe. Let’s try to see if Blue and Purple can live together.


We were in Spain. Aaron left to Switzerland to work so that he can make some money to then be able to stop working for months (maybe even 1 year). Me and Sasha decided to try and get married in Spain. We had 3 months to solve this fuckery. We went to this special-building that deals with marriages. The woman gave us a list of what we need in order to get married in Spain. In short we needed:
  •  A valid “ID” card. Like your face and some letters and numbers that prove you are real and you are owned by this or that tribe. We had those. Passports.
  • Another document to prove you were born. Somewhere. We had them. Tho Sasha had to ask her father to send them from Russia…
  • A document to prove where I live in Spain and where Sasha lived for the past 2 years (in the bloody world). I have such a document. Sasha does not since she traveled around the world. She didn’t have a “place” to stay for the past 10+ years. Except here and there, rentals or mostly staying at people’s places. But this was an issue. However perhaps we could have lied about it.
  • A document to prove that you are not married. I mean….what the fuck. Aren’t “authorities” suppose to know that. Why are they asking you for an ID card and all that when you get married, to then not know if some citizens are married or not. How come I have to prove it? Anyways, this was a paper we needed to take from our tribe’s embassies. Costly and for mine would have taken about 3 months to be “delivered”. Too long. Sasha could only stay for 3 months in Spain and she was already there for a few weeks already (time it took us to go here and there and ask around for what we need).
  • Another document to prove that you are ABLE to get married. Ha.ha.Ha.hA. ha. Lord Jizas. They are serious about this shit. But it is for real. There is such a document. I don’t know what that means but….well…haha. We probably could get this one too, though would have taken a while to get it from our tribes.

The really cunty thing about it was that Sasha needed to have documents for both of her nationalities. In Russian and English. From both tribes. That would have been really difficult and complicated. More than that, we were obliged to translate all of the documents for both of us (of course, since our species can’t even talk one universal language). Despite all that, we tried….but we realized that we can’t do it in a 3 months time-frame. We also noticed that when you submit the marriage papers in spain, you have to be interviewed….Maybe they would ask us what are our favorite colors or foods. I don’t know what these people are up to, but to me this all smells like Hitlerism. The entire situation. We were also in great difficulty regarding the Spanish language and its many dialects, because we struggled to both understand these motherfuckers and talk to them.

Spain was kinda impossible. Let’s try Romania.
Our last option was to go to Romania and get married there. I hated this. Oh man…I hated. Look….I hate Romania so much, and I hate it even more when I know the people there who are so religious and culturally smashed, that I feel like I am going back 4.667 years when I get there. Yes, there are interesting people there and it’s hard to judge a tribe just by looking at a few members, but from my experience it is a very backwards culture overall. And you won’t feel it that deeply if you don’t get to live there. I mean, it is the same environment that made me want to hang myself in highschool. I ran away from that environment. I don’t want to go back. Especially going there to “get married”. Let me tell you something, in Romania 3 things are extremely important in everyone’s life: cars, houses, and weddings. All sprinkled with pseudoscience (beliefs). If you have these 3, you are living the life. If one is missing, you might be a failure. A Romanian in their 20s wants a car and a wedding, and in their 30s a house and kids. In their 40s they are confused, and after 50s they argue with their TV, not even giving a damn that no one listens to them. In their 70s and they simply wait for the end of their life.
Side note: I don’t think romanians like having kids that much. It’s more like “I had to do it”. So I won’t list that as a “must” despite everyone having kids.:P
But weddings are a THING in romania. You think about them years in advance, even before meeting your soul-mate. My parents used to have something called “zestre” for me and my sister. These were “objects” (stuff), that was put aside for when we get married. Carpets, plates, forks and knives, bed sheets and maybe even house flip-flops and pajamas. They were stored in our old balcony. The 4th floor of the building. We were not allowed to touch them. They were new. They were waiting for us. Collecting dust. They were sold eventually, or used for us or for bribes….I think my parents realized we were not normal kids and we won’t get married anyways. How wrong were they, right!?
So once you find your soul-mate, after going through a few cunts and bitches and a few STDs, you finally realize that your soul-mate is like that Happy Meal toy: looks great on TV and on the Mec’s shelf, but once you start using it you realize it is of a very poor quality and boring as fuck. But hey….you are getting old and your parents keep on telling you to “find the one” and “keep ‘it'”. So you do. You talk to the one and plan for the “unification”. Must be in June-July, 2 years from now. It is warm and people might not be so busy with their jobs, so more people may come to your wedding. You see, in Romania weddings are not just a celebration, they are a business. You plan ahead what restaurant to rent, what nameless (but ‘famous’) band to hire, what food to serve (must be exotic and named in ways that you can’t pronounce). And compare all that with how many people you may invite (usually over 100) and how much money to ask them for the invite. Yes. In Romania when you are invited to a wedding, it is not free. They will tell you up-front how much it costs. Usually around 100 Euros per person. For a few hours of eating and drinking and listening to very loud and very awful music. But look, once you accept the invite, the ones getting married have an obligation to come to your wedding too. So it is an investment.
With the date settled, you hunting for the “stuff” you need (food, food, drinks and drinks, music and a restaurant), you need clothes. Expensive and disposable. Fuck the guy. The girl stuff is the expensive one by far. How much? A quick online search shows this:

On this website you see prices that average somewhere around 3 to 4.000 lei. “lei” means “lions” in Romanian language and it is also the official currency. So, how many lions equals one elephant? Well, 4.000 lions is around 1.000 Euros. Or, like my grandma used to say, almost twice the average salary in Romania. And look at this price range on the same website:

So the prices range from 400 Euros to 1.100 Euros. And people in Romania, despite living in one of the poorest tribes in Europe, keep buying these disposables. A wedding normally costs several thousand euros. But you can make the money back from the “guests”. 200 people paying 100 to 200 euros to come + the “gift” they each HAVE to give you, means that you are making the money back. The “gift” is another Romanian thing. At a wedding everyone is “obliged” to give a gift to the glued-ones. That means money usually. A few hundreds more. Some give them thousands.

Weddings in Romania are a very distasteful business. And they dare to make 2 of these. One is the official one where you sign the gluing paper that recognizes your relationship as “marriage”, and the religious one where they involve the creator of the universe. That’s the main one for which you need all of those preparations.

I am telling you that so you understand how hypnotized Romanians are with this weird and pucky ritual.

Anyways, fuck that. Back to us.

So, knowing how big of a deal this wedding stupidity is in Romania, I really didn’t want to go there. Of course we would not do those primitive and idiotic things, but we will be forced to do the “official” ceremony and since I am from a very small town where everyone’s hobby is to gossip about others, then people will find out that I am getting married and I’d have to put up with their primitiveness. But well, we had no choice. We had to do this, so we booked flights to Romania on the 30st of December. My parents were already in Romania (they migrate from Spain to there every winter since there’s nothing for them to work here in that period of time).

So. We are packing our bags and I am trying not to lose my mind because I feel like going to a shithole hell. I wanted to make a documentary about this ridiculous situation. I filmed some stuff and took some photos here and there, but overall I was very disturbed mentally to be able to focus on such things. Plus, I didn’t want to compromise our situation with this….

the adventure in romania

Bus from our small town in Spain, to a near by one. Wait 1h for another bus. From there to Barcelona. 4.5 hours drive. Traffic jam in Barcelona. The bus was ok. No one wears seatbelts except us and an old british couple that I saw. People think they are invincible in buses. Well, ok. We arrive at the airport and for me these places are one of the most polluted on Earth. Polluted with stupidity and abuse. You feel like a proper inmate there. You are a subordinate. You are scared not do do any “wrong” move or have an “improper” attitude. It is the human version of a livestock factory. Everyone there is so serious and the prices for food and drinks are 5 times higher than in that tribe. It is a rip-off. A scam. A prison. A place where you won’t find any humans. Seems like everyone is a robot. A mindless machine. Here and there you may see a heavily armed robot. As if these places are the battle ground of an invisible war. Not to mention how charlatans these airline companies are. We used WizzAir. This company is so awful that customers made a website called Buying a plane ticket feels like and endless stream of additional services. Feels like doing your taxes. Feels like a puzzle. Feels like crawling naked through a stream of mouse traps. You want insurance? A car to pick you up from the airport? Priority checking? A better seat? Chewing gum? A massage? A handjob? A subscription to stewardess porn? You name it, these fuckers are not an airline company, they are a service-selling company and you are their customer. That’s all. The “continue” (next) button on their website (while you fill in your information) is always hidden underneath a mountain of such “options” layered with a ton of colorful ads.


Then, they dare to tell us that you HAVE to buy a seat in order to continue. Despite not being mandatory they make it look like so. Just read the bellow message we were faced with:

I think this image says it all. Man, “capitalistic” morons may really enjoy this option-full society we live in. So wonderful. We had to “risk” it and not buy seats at the expense of checking in (whatever-the-fuck-that-means) only 48h before the flight. That was our punishment for getting 2 free seats….for the tickets we just bought. Imagine if bus tickets would be as fucked up as plane tickets. And after they check your face, your documents, face again, documents…be aware not to trigger the metal detector…strip yourself of your belongings and walk a shit ton through a maze of gates, shops, and scared people….you sit in a narrow seat for a few hours being greeted by mildly sexy flight attendants that only want to sell you more shit at 4 times the normal price. No thanks. I sucked your cock so much, I don’t need a salad and a perfume.

Anyways. Airlines are the top most charlatans of them all.

We are on our way. We land in Romania. There my parents wait for us with a relative with a car. It is 3am. 31st of December. The “New Year’s Eve” they call it. Me and Sasha give no fuck. We drive for 4 hours from Bucharest to “my Romanian little town”. The driver wears no seat belt. It is foggy, cold, dark, and the traffic/roads are awful like usually in Romania. The seat belt still makes little sense for the driver. My parents brought sandwiches and some traditional Romanian sweets for me and Sasha. Very nice. Very good. They are good people. I hear them talk about politics, jobs, normal stuff. I listen. I ignore. I want to arrive home. Sasha sleeps. She does that all the time when we travel :D. That’s good. For her :)). I can’t really sleep in a bus, plane, or car. I need to be there to see what’s happening. There bothers me. I can only sleep here, in my own place.

We arrive. Home is nice. Home is our apartment in Romania. My parents invested pretty much most of their money that they make here in Spain into that apartment (not a lot tho). It is a Romanian thing. You work abroad and build your nest home. They did a good job. The apartment is cozy, spacious, nice. Nothing exaggerated. Minimalist I’d say. And cozy as fuck :D. Basically my parents and my sister put money into that apartment. I didn’t really. I never had money for helping with this. I feel a bit bad but it is what it is.

We took a nap. We woke up in the evening. My parents “prepared” everything for this New Year’s Eve. Again, me and Sasha don’t care about such events, but ok…nice for them to do these. We went quickly to my grandma’s house where some relatives live (my grandparents died a few years ago). I saw Mike. He is the “hand” from TROM Documentary :D. When I created TROM he was there. He is my cousin and he was my only friend for many years. He got a bit trapped in this weird trade society for the past years so we didn’t stay in touch that much for these past years. I was happy to see him. We came back home. My parents had presents for us waiting underneath the Christmas tree. Sasha insisted we also buy some gifts (nothing expensive) for them from Spain. We exchanged gifts. It was nice. I was ok with these.

I invited Mike over. It was me, Sasha, Georgi (my sister), Mike, and my parents. We were eating something. Nice food. Nice everything. Then, around 00:00 my parents went into “waiting for the countdown” mode. Tun in to the TV. Open the champagne. I hear my father saying something about having money in the pocket so the New Year “sees” you with that and you will be lucky the entire year – you’ll have more money. All of this kinda smacked me into the face realizing that this is not my world. And I don’t want to be part of this. Till then it was ok, but then I kinda realized that these little moments, repeated many times over my lifetime, made me angry at this society and people in general. These “little” things that to me showcase how people don’t really care about what’s real. They hold onto all kinds of weird beliefs and simply record and stream them forward. Mechanisms for this consuming culture.

A week, no progress. Since slaves (unfortunately for them) work all year, they will get a break for a few days in this period of time. They call them holy-days. Nothing holy about them tho. So, we could not do anything in the first week when the slaves had a break.

the adventure in romania: the journey of papers

First, we go to this “official” place to ask exactly what we need for the marriage. A small room with old furniture. Two women there. Often they were eating. They were moderately nice. They said we need:

  • birth certificates for both of us (Sasha has to translate her Russian birth certificate into Romanian)
  • passports (Sasha has to translate her American passport into Romanian)
  • a medical paper (hm…yes…) – to showcase we are capable of marriage (ha-ha-ha)
  • a paper to prove that Sasha is not married
  • two declarations from Sasha that say the same thing that she is not married, she is alive, has a vagina, and will respect the Romanian laws

Proving that Sasha is Sasha

We need to go to Bucharest (4 hours away from Horezu – the town I’m from) to the American embassy to get that paper showing that Sasha is Sasha and she is not married. We read online that there is no such paper in the US…so what now? They say they will give us another one, like a declaration from Sasha about all of these. We hope it works. We go to Bucharest and stay there for 1 night in an airbnb so we can go in the morning at the embassy. We take an old bus and we get over-charded. But fuck it.

There, in Bucharest at the US embassy, a “beautiful” building guarded by a big Romanian dude with a big gun. He only let’s Sasha in and tells her to leave everything with me, outside, including her phone. Outside was very cold. I am waiting across the street, freezing. Sasha is inside – she had to raise her right hand and “swear” in front of authorities there that she is over 18 and not married and she agrees to marry with me. The funny thing is that Sasha’s name is Russian (Alexandra Davletshina Rashidovna) but her last “residency” was in Hawaii. So, imagine this, in Romania (an unknown tribe from Europe), a Russian citizen raises her hand in a US embassy and says: “Me, Alexandra Davletshina Rashidovn, from Kamehameha Haleiwa Hawaii, want to get married to this long-named-romanian-citizen.” Hilarious. And Jezus Christ of Nazareth, this world is primitive as fuck. It is scary. She stays there for about 1h, but she manages to get that holy paper.

We go back to Horezu with the paper. One of those women looks over it and says it is not good…we explain that’s the only thing the US can give to us. She “flips” the page of the document and there it is: a paragraph (a short one) basically saying “This declaration/paper is the only thing US can provide bla bla bla…” and that seemed to have done the trick. The woman accepts it as “true”. Magic!

Translating the papers

We talk to this dude in Horezu that has a tiny office in a very shady place. His business is to officially translate documents from ANY language. We should have tried him with a Swahili….My parents dealt with this one eventually, and managed to get the papers translated. Overall they were the ones doing most of the lifting with the paperwork. Huge thanks to them. So they go there, they pay, they translate the papers. They need to be both translated and “legalized”. Like someone has to translate them and someone else needs to put a stamp on them. Both cost. But we have them a few days later.

We don’t have AIDS

Next thing is to go to a private clinic, that ironically is across the street of the big governmental public hospital, to get tested for HIV. It costs less than 10 Euros for both of us. I have no clue what’s the deal with this test, but I am happy Sasha is clean haha. Or is she?

We go to this small room where mostly old people were waiting to either get some results form the tiny private clinic, or ask for tests. And it was a very sad sight. Here in Spain, with this healthcare system that’s free, you are assigned to a “general” doctor where you go to complain: my head hurts, I’m puking violet, I might have another penis, I am pregnant, etc.. This doctor is a “good-and-knowledgeable-friend” that can then advise you, treat you, or send you for tests or to specialists. It works. And you never talk about money because it is free. In that Romanian clinic it was the opposite. A young girl at the counter was advising these old people what blood tests to do based on a brief listening to their complaints in a sea of other people waiting in line, talking to each other. Two rooms there: one at the entrance where people were “ordering” their tests, and one clearly marked with a Jesus icon on top of the door, where the blood and urine were collected. I think that’s all they did, the two fluids of the universe: blood and pee. I remember one old lady saying that she feels pain here and there and everywhere and wants a “full” set of tests. And the young woman at the counter saying “yes, let’s do them “all””. And the old lady had to pay around 100 Euros only for the tests. That could easily be half of her pension. This is not healthcare. This is not science. This is witchcraft and a market. For one, there are no such thing as “all” tests, especially when it comes to blood or urine tests. There are tons of such tests, trying to detect a plethora of things. Never “one”. This is so ridiculous. And second, to charge people so much money for such tests, is inhumane. These are old and sick people, and companies take advantage of them. The Romanian healthcare system is a “free” one as far as I can tell, like in Spain, but since doctors are used to take bribes and overall Romania is a shithole, people prefer to go to the private clinics that may offer a better waiting room and better hopes for the clients. And third, blood and urine or any other tests mean NOTHING unless you have a system that will deal with the results. To fix the problem. “Oh, hi m’am, we did this blood tests and we are pretty sure you have cancer. Now, good luck with that ’cause we don’t deal with the treatment. We only tell you what’s wrong with you.”.

Anyway. We go there. We give them our blood. The results come the next day. Interestingly my father could go there to pick up the results…I mean, these are personal medical results how come they agree for someone else to come pick them up? We take the results (we don’t even know what are the results) and we go to my Romanian family doctor with them. We pay for all of these things. There, an old waiting room. Looks like USSR. Looks awful. Inside the cabinet there she is. The lady. The legend. The woman. The doctor. The She. A female general-practitioner in her 60s (probably), who recently had a stroke, staying in her doctor office listening to Rihanna and smoking. I swear! You don’t get a better Romanian experience than this.

I managed to take that photo. It is unbelievable that a doctor smokes in the office. There were kids in the waiting room….She looked at Sasha and said “Yeah I wanted to see her. She looks good. Congratulations!”. And we left with the medical papers from there. Great job, doc!

Declare again….

So, with the passports and birth certificates (translated), with the paper from the embassy, with the medical papers….all that was not enough. Now, we had to go to a special office where Sasha had to give 2 declarations. That she is she (again), and that she will respect the Romanian laws and she accepts marrying with me….For this they required us to “rent” a translator. A certified one. We go to a nearby town (1h away), in this little office to do the declarations. It takes them around 3 hours to do them because for one they didn’t understand why 2 and not 1, so they had to call the Horezu women and ask them. And second because one of these women’s kids (from that tiny office) was sick and she had to leave from time to time. In this time the translator came. She was young, around our age. Her English was not that great, but whatever. BUT….and I will apologize for saying this because this girl was very nice and calm, but she was a Piñata of bullshit. Piñata are these colorful “things” that people put all kinds of candies inside, and others (usually kids) have to smash them with a bat. IDK why, but whatever. This translator was full of conspiracy theories, horoscopes, after-life theories, nutritional advice, alternative medicine and so forth, that if you were to smack her with a bat, you’ll see the cream of the bullshit falling from inside her. The moment we met, she said she will read our “horoscope” and tell us about ourselves based on our date of birth. She talked non-stop about these fucked up things, about her life, about nothingness. For 2 hours. Me and Sasha felt abused. Raped mentally.


At one point I started to get into conspiracy theories too, thinking that someone plays a prank on me and tests me with this – like maybe they hired an actress to fuck with me (as if I’m that important for anyone to pull this prank on me…). But considering I am a “soldier” of the army of debunking bullshit (see TROM and all I do), having to face this Piñata was perhaps the most painful thing I had to observe since I didn’t want to comment much if at all about her BS because I didn’t want to upset her and maybe have no translator to help us with the paperwork. A compromise nearly impossible for me to accept. But I did….

Anyways it was only 10 Euros for her service, but I felt like losing 10 billion neurons at the same time. We get those 2 declarations, since those were the last we needed.

Passports, birth certificates, medical papers, embassy paper, declarations. Fuckin’ christ. Now that’s it. We go back to the original-office with all of the papers. They look through them. And look….check to see if these 2 humans can be glued officially together or not. See if the papers match the creatures. It is almost like scientists trying to describe the atom, not by looking at it and analyze the thing directly, but by looking at some papers that describe the atom and try deny the existence of the atom or some of its properties since the papers don’t agree with the reality. And that happened to us because they looked at the papers and faced a dilemma: Sasha’s name has 3 names :D. You know the last name and the second name or whatever. Family name, and your name. That weird combination we all have. So her name is A B C. Russia may recognize her family name as A and the B as her last name, where C is what you inherit from your father in terms of name. The US, does it differently, and Romania does it like US perhaps. So, all in all her Russian birth certificate was translated into Romanian as A B and her US passport was translated as A B C. So, those 2 didn’t match. Big-f-deal. But for them it was a big deal and they said they refuse to merge us together. We called the translator that translated the birth certificate and that woman clearly explained that she translated it correctly. So everything was legal. It was simply an issue with how tribes interpret one’s name. Sasha was physically there, and we had the original papers and their translations, but the papers didn’t match so Sasha didn’t exist basically. See? The atom is there, you just have to look at it and describe it. But that’s the opposite of how our society works. Our society looks at papers in order to define the reality.

It was a funny situation (if real, and I think it was real) where in Romania someone was wrongly declared as dead. Now the guy goes to authorities to complain about that, but since it was declared dead already, he was unable to make any complaint about it. I don’t remember what happened to the guy, but it you are declared dead then you are fucked since you basically cannot live in this imagined paper-based society humans built.

Anyways. We had to kinda bribe the translator to translate the birth certificate wrongly in order to match the passport. Another wait, another spending. My mom also had to bribe the women in that office to kind accept this situation as such…


All of the paperwork was in our possession. We submit that. It is approved. On 31st of January the great merging will occur. I am asked how we want to split the goods, I say “m’am I only have a laptop on my name and she has hers; I think 50’50 is a good deal; we just keep our laptops”. 😀

We are a month in with this bullshit in Romania but at least we are close to be done with it. 31st of January is a week after we submit the papers. We are way more relaxed but the entire thing puts a toll on me (and on Sasha too of course), but I am close to having a mental breakdown.

The clash of values.

From the beginning, since we decided to do this bullshit marriage thing, I was very clear with everyone around me that we correctly label this nonsense as “bullshit”, so we don’t care about anything more than hacking this society in order to stay together. More to that, everyone who knew me (my relatives, family, ‘old friends’) should have known I don’t give a shit about such things. I poke fun at such things all the time actually. Despite all that, people who found out about the “event” (I never told anyone I think, but well…small city, bored people) started to congratulate us. Even my parents took it seriously and at one point I was asked if I need help to buy “rings”. Look, these people seem nice and that’s how they express themselves. They don’t grasp the fact that marriage is not only an invention (imagination), but an abuse. Me and Sasha were abused into this stupidity in order to let us stay together. Live on this planet together. And now we get these “congratulations” from people. Tell me, how can I react to that!? Because I felt a mix of feelings from extremely sad to furious. It is like in China you may only be able to stay together with a partner that has a social credit above 700, and you struggle to get your credit score above that in order to live together, while at the same time protesting about this abusive rule. Yet, your relatives congratulate you for achieving that above 700 social score. How does this sound? Because it is the same with the marriage. Where is the difference? We wouldn’t have done this stupidity ever if we were not without options.

So yeah, seeing how people around us take this seriously was extremely frustrating because I also could not be a jerk and get angry when they congratulated us so I had to fake a sad “thanks” at the corner of my mouth. But I really felt like being trapped in a horror movie where people are not humans, they are robots with whom you cannot talk. With my parents it was a game of “let’s pretend you care and I don’t” that we kinda respected as much as possible until one morning, a few days before the gran’ event, when my mother asks me what I will wear for the event, and I said that I don’t care, these things are stupid and I simply left the conversation. My family got very upset at me for that, but I was simply at the edge of my sanity there. Like…I have to go through all of this bullshit with papers, with delaying my TROM projects, with spending money, with pretending to be part of the mindless norm, and all that, and now you want me to be a clown? Like, “Hey, at that abusive event, what are you gonna wear?”. A few tears and loud voices later inside the family, an unnecessary development, and we agree to please my parents and talk to them about what the clowns are going to wear. Again, my parents are nice people, and without them we would have had great difficulties solving this problem, but their values are not in line with ours. They didn’t fully understand why we are doing this. In any case, we agree to wear some “respectful” clothes to not trigger the zombies when we go there. I was wearing a t-shirt from my sister (it was a male-shirt that she had), and Sasha a “traditional” Romanian “thing” and my sister’s boots and jacket. We are pretty now. Everyone seems ok with us. Let’s play pretend.


A day before “the day” I had to pull myself together and try to control myself because I felt like I want to kill someone. I pushed myself away from society from age 15 or so. Rarely interacting with the normality. And now I get to interact with the most nonsensical of stupidities. I faked it a lot and I felt like I could not handle it anymore. Then, a day before the event I convinced myself that the world is not a tragedy. It is a comedy. These people are hilarious. They are retarded. Idiotic. But hilarious. Like, look at the fuckers….they want us to pretend as if we get “glued” by papers. By swearing. By writing with a pen on a piece of paper. By saying “yes”. Ha.ha.Ha. Let’s just take it as a comedy.


My parents bought cookies and flowers and champagne for the event. We are ready. Since we needed the translator again (the Pinata), she arrived in the morning and my mother dealt with her. They went for a coffee. The event is at 12PM. We get dressed. We need 2 “witnesses”. My parents are the ones for the job since it is only going to be us and my parents, and maybe Georgi (my sister) for the fun of it. We go there. Then, in about 5 minutes after we arrived, I see my mother’s sister coming there with flowers. Dressed-up. I’m dying. Yes, she in her own right is nice towards us, coming there for the event, but like I explained it is like we celebrate an abuse. They don’t get that. But I do. I’m like ok…the world is a comedy….just stay calm for 30 more minutes. That’s all…

We go inside the building and I hear this woman (my mother’s sister) saying that we should wait for the others. THE OTHERS? What the fuck. Apparently more relatives are coming. Including Mike. MIKE! Why? Out of everyone I didn’t expect Mike to come since he should understand this is a bullshit thing. I was having tears of anger inside my face about all of this. No one told us this is is going to happen. What a shit-show. A bunch of relatives arrived, they are 10 times more dressed up than me and Sasha, and of course they bring flowers and congratulate us. I feel like a clown in a prison. I feel humiliated by the society. Is the world a comedy? I’m struggling to laugh.

They are there. It is what it is. Fuck it. Let’s get done with it.

Now the mayor is coming…Jezus Christ…ok….

He comes there and the first thing he asks me is who are the Godfather and Godmather. I’m like….EH? Like…and I look around….I see Mike and Georgi and I signal them to come over. I don’t know what the fuck are Godmothers and Godfathers but that worked.

And it starts. We face the mayor. He faces us. He says that first we need to listen to some music….a “nicely dressed woman” pushes with fashion the play button of a very old music player (big, I think it still uses cassettes). Here’s a recording of that – I blurred it intentionally so you don’t see our sad faces while we are being executed.

We were very amused by that cringey moment. Then the music stops suddenly. And the procedure begins. The mayor reads some stuff from a piece of paper and declares us “husband and wife”. Wow. That’s it. We sign some papers. Everyone stares at us. They open a champagne and bring the cookies. It is a 10 minutes cringey moment (again), of people sipping champagne from plastic disposable glasses, and licking a cookie. At the same time congratulating us and taking some photos with us. We force a smile or two because all is done now so we are at least happy for that.

At one point the mayor asks Sasha what religion she is. My mother, being her, screams from the other side of the room “they are atheist”. A bit of a silence in the room…the mayor is surprised and proceeds by lecturing me that even the great Pascal said: “If there is a God and we pray then that’s good; but if there is a God and we don’t pray…isn’t that risky?”. I was about to punch him in the face with either my fist or an argument. Like…my friend….if there is a God and all he wants is for people to pray to him then that’s a PIMP,  not a god. But I didn’t want to cause any problems for anyone. I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. Look, I was never the one who will shut’up in such moments. I will bark some science there. Fuck the mayor or anyone. I don’t care. But this time I really didn’t want to fuck things up and create a brawl. I sucked society’s dick so far, I can suck it for a few more minutes. The conversation quickly melted away after he also bragged a bit about how great Romania and Romanian people are, and how intelligent and such.

Now we wanted to go home but these people that came there….like…what can I do with them? I felt bad for them. To see them so dressed up and coming there and now, 10 minutes later, send them home. But I didn’t invite anyone…so…For sure it took them more time to get ready than it did for me and Sasha. We went outside and we slowly moved away from them. Me, Sasha, Georgi, Mike and the Pinata went to a bar to eat something. The Pinata had to come to us from an 1h away town, so she was waiting for the bus. I thought let’s give her something to eat first. She was nice, again. But man she was crazy. She even said if she can stay 2 more days at our place now that she came to this city….eh…no. Sorry. But what the fuck….She likes hugging trees, picks up clues from the outside world to guide herself, is looking for her soulmate, can read horoscopes and can heal herself of viruses just through the power of her mind. So, no thanks. She seems to complicated for our taste.

We go home. Me and Sasha are so happy now that everything is over. What we don’t know is that it isn’t.

Next morning my parents throw a “party” for these other people who came to the ceremony and had to go back home in 10 minutes. For our relatives. At my grandma’s house. Just a barbecue to be honest, but still something I won’t ever like to be part of. I didn’t want to be a jerk so I went there with Sasha to say hi. A bunch of relatives there. They, of course, congratulated us even more intensively. One of them, who is also a chemistry teacher, gave us a present. A Jezus icon….

From shitting on these values to being sad and feeling sorry about that.

This entire experience made me super super sad the last days of this entire circus. I perhaps never felt so sad in my life. It was an extreme mix of primitive and crazy values (zombie people) + extreme kindness. I almost felt like crying at the thought of laughing at such a present and the human that gave it to me to see me doing that. Because their intentions are good and kind. I don’t want to shit on this. But at the same time I am annoyed to the extreme by all of these rituals that have nothing to do with reality. To see them celebrate our enslavement to this society. It was very tough for me mentally to get dragged through all of this. I got to feel closely how humans are, unfortunately, not humans. Yet at the same time not wanting to make fun of their values there and then. Just to accept that sadly this is the reality and try not to upset them. Imagine this human who say puts a bit of an effort and kindness and happiness into going out there to buy something for Dani. The human wraps the package nicely and is happy to go give Dani the present. Dani thanks the human. Then when the human is not around Dani opens the package. It is a religious icon. Dani laughs and says how stupid it is. Even throws the thing away. If the human would see this, would be soul crushing. Like a cliff of happiness (buying the present, giving the present), being crushed suddenly by such an attitude. That would suck. And I didn’t want to do that. So I chose not to make too much fun of this ridiculous situation we’ve been put into. At least not that much or there, so that I won’t hurt anyone. At times me and Sasha were laughing in my room about all of these situations we were forced into, and my parents would hear us and thought we laugh at them, especially since they don’t understand english. That made me feel very bad.


Let’s see. In order for me and Sasha to be allowed to stay together we had to go through a shit ton of papers and offices and eventually get married. Pay money (over 1.000 euros in total), go this place, that place, ask for this and that. Swear in front of authorities. Play by their rules. Translate shit. Wait. Travel. Wait. Travel.

But. Now that the marriage is done, can Sasha live with me in Europe? In Spain? We read on the Europe’s official website the following:

“If you are married or in a registered partnership with an EU citizen that is living, working, studying or looking for a job in an EU country different from the one they come from, EU rules make it easier for you to join them there.” (source) Luckily I “live” in Spain….

Based on this, I understand that if Sasha wants to stay with me for more than 3 months she needs a residence card. Let’s see how to obtain it:

So basically we have to go to an Immigration Office or Police Station with a Form (EX-19) that we cannot find. The link there doesn’t work. The links from official Spanish gov websites do not work. We found it with the WayBack Machine….Anyway. That form + a valid passport + my Spanish residency card + proof of the family link. We had all of these documents already. Sasha is allowed to stay in Spain for 3 months in a period of 6 months. She already stayed in Spain for almost 3 months in the last 6 months period of time. From our calculations she could have come back to Spain for 9 more days till her VISA expires. We thought 9 days is enough to submit those papers, since once you submit them they will extend the VISA till they give her a residency card. So we thought in those 9 days when we go back we submit the papers and that’s it. Ok. Done. Booked plane tickets. Happy and relaxed that we go back to Spain.

We managed to take a van from this city to the airport directly. Nice. Ok ride. Great car. We had to wait in front of the police station for it (no bus station for this one). Weird but normal in Romania.

Before leaving Romania let me tell you a few random things about it. Of course based mainly on this small town we lived in.

stray dogs

I complained about this before. But it is worth complain again because it is such a weird sight to see these massive “wolfs” on the streets. It makes going for a walk a challenge because you never know when they’ll simply jump at you. Here are some videos from the little town we lived it (not taken by me):

This is a video I filmed from our balcony. These dogs want to eat cars. You can’t even drive properly. Just wait till the guy gets into the car and drives away.

everyone for themselves

In Spain, everywhere you go, it looks like Spain. The infrastructure. Roads. Buildings. Services. And so on. In Romania is the opposite. Even in that little town you’ll see 10 types of road signs, 20 types of garbage bins, 40 types of sidewalks, unlimited types of street lights, and so forth. Look at this street sign (I haven’t seen such a stupidity – like how are drivers suppose to read this one while they are driving?):

I think there is a business with garbage bins in that city because you either see none or a dozen of them packed in a tiny space. As an example only on this street to you will find “recyclable” bins. And it is a mockery because they are of a very poor quality and no one uses them properly. How can you have such garbage cans to recycle paper when it can rain in those things. Or glass. Or how do you empty them to recycle? I bet no one cares about them. It was just a business. It is so clear when they put a fuck ton on a tiny street. See the video:

Like look how in this very tiny park there are a ton of garbage bins. And don’t tell me they put them in order to keep the place clean because that’s ridiculous.

This is a random park in Spain of similar size. Look at how many garbage bins there are there:

One more. This is a newly built street by this new mayor. He is proud of it. Just a 200 meter street (sidewalk) that’s full of garbage bins every 2 meters or so.

Look at this house. A corner of it eats half of the sidewalk. Hilarious.

They put these cemented things on sidewalks where people would park their cars illegally. Haha. Apparently laws do not work. Now neither cars or people can go on these sidewalks. Brilliant.

You’ll see there 10 really old houses and then 2 palaces. The contrast between the rich and the poor is something you cannot miss. Also, I think 2 out of 5 houses are unfinished in Romania. It is incredible….

We also found a little kid…we were walking home from our “marriage party” when we saw a little kid (2 years old or so) across the street, about to go into the street. Confused. I didn’t think twice, I crossed the street and took the kid. Tried to ask him where the parents are so maybe he can point to somewhere. But no way, he was too confused. I felt so sorry for him. Interestingly he was in front of the police station and across the street from a busy gas station. Employees from the gas station saw the kid for several minutes but did nothing. That’s to show how these people don’t really care or they are simply not willing to interact with any situation that is outside their own shit. We took the kid straight inside the police station. The guys thanked us and tried to figure out what’s up with the kid. We left after a while. We have no idea what happened to the kid. Sorry for the little guy. I really hope his parents didn’t let him on purpose there in front of the police station to abandon him.

people are crazy

Look at this “sacred” place…you tell me sane people are living near by?

Here’s our boi Jesus taking care of criminals soldiers.

the air quality is as good as smoke

Look at this photo. That’s not fog. That’s smoke. People are burning everything they can and the entire town smells like smoke. It is awful. Even opening the window of our 4th floor apartment is a challenge.

the nature is a garbage bin

This is the closest nature to that town. It was a place we used to go when we were kids and despite being a garbage bin back there too, now it is 5 times worse. Dead animals, clothes, plastic, poop. Everything thrown there, amongst the sad trees that are wondering what kind of world this is.

people are lazy

Here in Spain it is normal for us to go for a 10km walk every other day. Using your legs is part of our routine. But in that town in Romania, people take their car to go to a supermarket that’s 500m away from their place. Not only that, these “kings” use home delivery for buying fast-food. They sit almost across the street from the fast food, yet they order food at home. Can’t even go and buy it. It is so funny. Here’s a real photo of them:

the parts we enjoyed

I loved the apartment. As I said it is very cozy. Warm inside. You need no slippers. Soft carpets :). Calm. Relaxed. My room is the smallest but it is fine. It has a window opening to the balcony where we often stayed. The view from the balcony is nice. You can see the sunset and Venus every night. My mother makes the best cookies I’ve ever eaten and my father would go out to buy something any time you need anything. Or simply he would go for you anywhere anytime. Go to this other 1h away town to get us some papers? No worries, he goes, no questions asked. My parents are very good people, and despite us seeing the world through different brains, we still have things in common and I enjoy my relationship with them. Mike and Georgi are really great friends and they were there. I loved when we watched some cool documentaries in the livingroom, all of us. Then discuss about them. Sasha even wrote a poem in the Romanian language and read it for all of us to hear at the New Year’s Eve. Hilarious as fuck and surprising as fuck. We laughed like nuts.

And look, you’ll find beautiful places in Romania for sure. And very kind people and all that. Yes, overall I think it is a not-very-good-to-live-place, and that’s unfortunate for people there. Human beings (call them romanians) are whatever the environment pushes them to be. I complain about them but I understand what makes them like that. And I dream to one day be the president of Romania and transform this shithole into a smart paradise and give it as an example to the world so we can change every tribe out there. And I mean it, I fantasize about such things :D. If there was a chance to change the world through politics, I’d give it a try. I would love to help every romanian. Make the healthcare system the best in the world so everyone has access the the greatest and most human healthcare. Transform the transportation entirely. Take care of the natural places Romania has. And a huge fuck more. Of course, we need to think globally as humans, not as romanians and such.


We arrive in Spain. Finally. Dima and Mara, great TROM friends, wait for us with their car at the airport. Makes it much easier to get back home. We arrive. We are so happy to be back. Next day we go out. Green, sunny, blue sky, blue sea. Look at us, happily married. :)) (stupid joke)

I am happy to meet Dima and Mara. Happy to get that Microsoft Surface Table to test TROMjaro on it. Happy to be back. Oh yeah, “that” tablet. Sasha has a tablet that she didn’t use anymore. A Microsoft Surface Pro from 2013. She had it in Russia, no one using it. I told her to tell her father to send it here because I may use it. I realized it is a great tablet. Her father sent it to use at the beginning of November from Russia to Spain. Spain detained it for 3 months – a huge shitshow. We barely got it in February. Anyways, things looked good. We felt no rush to solve the papers bullshit.
Police station? Immigration Office? None?
Ok. We go to the police station (like the mighty Europe website recommended) with that form filled in and all the documents. They tell us we have to go to Girona (1h away) to the National Police. Ok. Next day we go there. They tell us, “no you have to go to the Immigration Office, on the other side of the town”. We are ok with that. 20 min walk. We arrive there. They don’t let us in. They tell us we need an appointment. They give us a paper with instructions. Ok. Fuck. We sit on a bench trying to navigate to that super long URL from that paper they gave us (use some fuckin’ URL shortenings motherfuckers, damn….). We fill in the form for an appointment to only be greeted with “Sorry, no more appointments available”. We try for half an hour. They close at 2pm and it’s almost 2pm. We go back to tell them that we can’t make an appointment. They said they know. It is difficult. Try more. Try in the morning at 9 or so. Ok. Fuck. Sasha only has 3-4 more days of VISA in Spain. Can we schedule in time?
The rush to save Sasha
The next 3 days we try to schedule every day. My mother also tries to do that for us. It is impossible. These fuckers let you fill in the form (which is not easy – select, write, pay attention, fill in the bloody robot captcha), and then they say “sorry no more appointments available”. I even recorded myself trying for almost 2 hours without stopping. This is a disgrace and a mockery. Like….should I try every single day to do this? Can’t they have a better system where I submit my request and they contact me when they can schedule an appointment for me? It is the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen. We try to call them, to make a complaint, to….We don’t know what to do anymore.
Sasha has 1 more VISA day of stay in Spain by our calculations and she gets terrified by the thought that if she will get caught she may be deported or Spain may refuse to let her in for a period of time (ban). Sasha traveled all around the world for the past 10 years and people love to read her stories. But one reason she did this was because she could not stay in one place for long. Now, she found a home and a prince :). So she really wanted to be able to stay here for a while. Of course I also wanted that. So the risk was quite big if she would break the law and maybe they will deny her the residence card or will get her into troubles. We’ve read on governmental websites and the european website a lot and they really say she needs a residence card and this residence card takes a while to be approved and they may dig into your past and stuff so we didn’t want to risk it with her overstaying her VISA. Sasha got so scared and sad she started to cry and she made me so fuckin’ sad and angry at this society. This human that does nothing wrong, to the contrary she does volunteer work, is so scared because of this fucked up society that all it does is to scare innocent people and never stop the “bad actors”. So, because she was so concerned about all of this, and I too was concerned and didn’t want for Sasha to be fucked by the situation, we decided to book flights back to Romania for the next day. 200 Euros. She could stay in Romania for 2 or so more months. We planned to go there then come back here when her VISA “renews” so we have more time to deal with the residence card. I even called Rafa (our good TROM friend from Spain) to ask him if he can help us figure out some legal stuff. He studied law. He is such a warm hearted guy. He is from Spain so we hoped he may know more. He looks over the information: if Sasha can stay, about VISA, about the situation itself. He calls friends that work in the justice department or study it. All that, for hours, a day before we had to leave. In the end he kinda says it should be fine for Sasha to stay even if her VISA expired but he cannot tell for sure. The more he looks into it the more confusing it seems. At first he thought that Sasha could stay without a problem since we are married, but after reading (like we did) online and official sources, nothing was clear anymore. Many thanks hermano! 🙂
The next day was about to be a complete rollercoaster of emotions and projections.
So, here’s the plan now: we pack our bags today and tomorrow we go to the townhall, police and even Girona to the immigration office to complain to them that we tried to make an appointment but we can’t and her VISA expires. All of that before the departure time of our plane in Barcelona. K. We pack. We try to sleep (barely). We wake up in the morning and are going to the townhall. On our way my family calls this woman that’s from Honduras to ask her how she dealt with the residency card for her kids since they were in a similar situation. The woman says it take months to make an appointment for the residency card (fuckin’ christ), and you basically have to try every day to get one. Inhumane! But she also says we should not worry since Sasha can stay here without a problem even without a residency card. They said they did that and many do that. However that’s not what we have read from official sources. We can’t take it for granted. But she says to go to this office in Girona and ask for a VISA extension.
We go.
We enter what seemed to be that office. They say “nah, it is that building across the street”. We realized it is the same immigration office we’ve been before to. Damn. But we go there and explain the situation to them. We are honest….like wtf people…we try to be as legal as possible but help us for fucks’sake. They send us to this police department. They listen to us and send us to another. Same building. Finally. Now we can talk. We explain the situation and the police officer asks for Sasha’s passport. We give it to him. He goes to check it. I am a bit concerned of what he might say.
The guy comes back and says: “yeah so if you are married with him, then you can stay in Spain without a problem, indefinitely”. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? So all of this stress, the tickets bought, the tears, the scare….and now we find out she doesn’t even need a residence card to stay!? Just….WOW. But we are so happy that we don’t care anymore. We are over the moon! She only needs a residence card if she wants to work (which she might be forced to because we are broke) – so we need to continue to be slaves to their system of making an appointment for that residency card. I even recorded that guy with a hidden camera to make sure we have that on film in case this is going to cause us troubles. But I doubt. They checked. They were the authorities there. That’s it. Fuck it. Now we go back home to our cozy apartment in Spain.
We can finally be relaxed now that Sasha can stay here. Forever. Of course we lost a lot of money with all of this bullshit. And so much stress that I’m still recovering from it. It started in May last year, and barely now it is over. And we are the lucky ones. Sasha has 2 nationalities (so greater access to the world) and I am “european”. Imagine people from India, Iran, China and the like who want to be together with others from other tribes. Don’t be fooled by smart TVs, bendable screens, 5G internet and redidt memes. This world is a prison.

Until a year ago I was alone and life was more simple in many regards. It was me and my computer most of the time. I didn’t have to deal with authorities, paperwork, and so forth. It was mainly me and the online world. Now, I know more people. More than me. I like them. I like Sasha a lot and I would have done this for her even if we were not together. Without a doubt. She should be able to not run all the time from this society.

My life is better now with Sasha. We get along so well. Everything is great. We help each other when it comes to TROM stuff. We even learned to cook paella and fideoa. Traditional Spanish foods :)). We want to have a relaxed life here so we can focus on our work. Sasha on her personal book and helping with TROM stuff as much as she can, and me fully-TROM stuff.

For a simple request, “Me and Sasha to be able to live together on this planet Earth”, we had to go through a ton of stress, spend money, bend forward in front of authorities, get scared, move from one place to another, and so forth. It took us many months of struggle. And all, for a piece of paper that writes “Tio and Sasha are now glued together”. This, and only this, nothing else, allows us to live together in Europe (at least Spain and Romania from what we know now). If this doesn’t sound like an abuse to someone, then this someone is perfectly zombiffied by this society.

When people “congratulate” us, I hope they read this blog and understand that there is nothing to congratulate us about. They should be furious that Planet Earth is a prison. The fact that you didn’t get to feel it like we did, it makes no difference. It still is a prison and sooner or later you’ll feel it more or less. And the moment you stop getting angry about being fucked in the ass by the society, you will become its prostitute. A zombie. Someone who looks alive from outside, but it is dead inside. Yes, some celebrate marriages and enjoy them and feel no problem with these rituals. Good for you. But remember that they are used as a mean of fucking people in the ass in this world. They are, in the broader context, a perversity. A disgrace that is indirectly (and sometimes directly) forced upon humans. And most seem to just accept it and do it voluntarily. I never understood why anyone wants to get married. If you love someone, then being together should not be as fragile as a piece of paper.
The best/worst time of my life.

The best/worst time of my life.

I feel a bit sick and I am peeing blood. Quite a lot of it. I also canceled TROM-Cast for today. So I thought let’s make this blog post and update you all about me. My life. And I.

Trying to compress half a year (or more) into a few words. Hard. But let’s do it. I tried to do this before, several times, but I didn’t have the time. Go.

So, a year ago Aaron who translates everything from TROM into german, came to visit me in Spain for 3 days. My first “meet-up” with a TROM human. It was great. We planned to make a bigger meeting in Spain so I decided around november last year to invite some 12 or so people who were close to the project, to come here in May. They got super excited and we rented a house for May 2019. A few could not come unfortunately. But the present heroes are: Dima, Mara, Sasha, Yoav, Aaron, Seb, Sofie, Rafa, Vicky, Cody.

This is me (haha) in my tiny room in Spain, back in 2011. Right after I got my first donation: 1.000 dollars in total, to buy a new computer and redo TROM.

I had to improvise and adapt to that little room. I had no chair and that thing I was staying on was very uncomfortable. The monitor was very far away from my face, and my astigmatism doesn’t clear things up ;). But it was good. I worked many hours every single day. 8 months in total. That’s me basically for the past 10 years or more. Alone. Me and my computer.

This is another, even smaller room, where I made TROM from a bunk bed. On my back looking at the ceiling where my monitor was in a constant terror of falling down. Poor thing.

This is from my room in college (rented apartment – no furniture, we had to find some). Plus, no washing machine. Don’t get fooled by the monitor, it was the only good thing about my system and was cheap actually. I still have that monitor btw. Since 2009 or so.

A big room it’s true. But fucked up chair, and computer, and everything else. Those football players on the wall are to cover the fucked up wall, and that bottle…is not ALCOHOL! 🙂 – it is water. I don’t drink alcohol. This is when I first conceived TROM, in that room.

I loved the computer world because it was a world that I could control and manipulate. I was a little god in a tiny universe. I realized that my god powers can extend if I switch from my romanian blog to making some videos into english. And so I made TROM.

Many years later, surviving through the calm world of being alone :), many times being told that I am too lonely, things changed 180 degrees. My loneliness allowed me to focus 100% on my godplan :). To me it was an advantage, though at times I felt a deep sadness inside. Don’t know why, maybe because this society is constantly reminding you that your life is not the “proper” life, and can get you at times. But from that perspective I was ok. Still stressed out because I was living among normal people who don’t care about this world at all: from atoms to money. For them this is “what it is”, and “that’s that”. For me, it is not. I am curious and furious. Curios about how the world works (whales and evolution, quarks and stars, and everything in between). And furious about this messed up trade-based society that fucks all of us up.

So we end up here:

People came in May. A bunch of them. I was very excited and a bit uncomfortable to be honest, since I am not used to be around people :D. The first 2 weeks or so we got to know each other better, had a ton of conversations, planned some stuff in regards to TROM and this trade-free idea, went to the beach, to the mountain, for long hikes, and so forth. ACTIVE. I struggled to make sense of it all. On one hand I absolutely loved it. I even jokingly said that if my life ends now, I am happy with how I lived it :D. Seeing these beautiful faces getting this idea of TROM that I thought I will forever incubate it alone (in my room), was the best thing/feeling in my life. To feel relaxed 100% around a bunch of people, for me, it means I’ve reached paradise haha. Because my entire life was everything but that. These people “got it”. They seemed curious and furious. Like me. On the other had I felt robbed of my time that I could have dedicated to work on my computer. I wasn’t god-in-the-computer, I was tio-in-a-group-of-people. I am used to my digital god powers and to be alone working on stuff, not with a bunch of people around. But if anything, it was the discomfort of moving from this to that. And nothing else. These people were fantastic.

Then, after a few days of intense activity, I felt sick. Like stomach sick. Mind you, I am used to long hikes and little sleep. I am fine with doing physical effort despite living inside a computer. I live in a very small town and it is normal for me to go for like a 10km walk a few days a week. But this time I did a lot of effort. I thought the food I eat made me feel stomach sick and the effort. Woke up the next day, went to to bathroom (like every creature with a bladder does), and because guys have this front-row seat when it comes to the miracle of peeing, I got to notice how instead of the yellowish stream that I am used to see every morning, I saw a dark red stream. And that wasn’t the beginning of a rainbow! No. That was blood. And boy I can tell you this is not a pretty sight. I immediately felt even sicker because I understood something is wrong with me. But I tried to lie to myself that maybe food can change the color of the pee in this dark reddish color. So I brushed this aside for a few hours because I was too distracted by those beautiful faces.

I continued to feel this sick feeling in my lower abdomen, and the second time I went to pee I saw the same kind of stream. That’s it. Fuck it. I am bleeding form inside. Of course I could not know (even remotely) what it could be: the effort? my bladder? kidneys? All? I told the guys about it and I rushed to the emergency room. There I provided a urine sample and they confirmed that I have a lot of blood in my urine. They asked me several questions and sent me home (told me to go to my doctor the next day). From that moment on everything changed for me. I simply could not enjoy the TROM meeting anymore because I was too concerned about the reason why I was bleeding and why so much blood. For sure, 100% sure, something “bad” happened inside my body. What followed was days going to the ER and appointments to doctors, and a struggle to try and enjoy the rest of the time I had with these people. We made that trade-free video, filmed some interviews, watched some weird things on the night sky through the telescope (like planets and stuff 🙂 ), and still had some fun. But I could not really enjoy it. At that point all I wanted was to sit down, relax, and be alone maybe. I could not join the guys for several hikes, and I love to do hikes, and that’s because what I realized was that when I was doing any kind of moderate effort, like carrying some heavy bags, going up the stairs sometimes, and so forth, made me pee blood visibly and feel stomach sick. If I then relaxed, I could see no blood. Exercise = blood. Not doing much = no blood.

It was very weird because it was so obvious. Like if I would do something of moderate intensity NOW, I would pee blood in the next 20 minutes. If I stayed in bed the next hour, no blood. I explained these symptoms to all of the doctors I’ve been to, but neither them or online searches could find this symptom anywhere.

The test that scared me

The general practitioner (the family doctor) then recommended me a test to check if there are melanoma cells in the urine. In other words, to test for cancer. The problem is that if that test comes back positive and they find cancerous cells, then you are pretty fucked. Blood in urine can mean cancer of the urinary tract. If it is bladder then your chances of surviving are super low. Like you’ll have at best 2-3 years of life. Kidney cancer is less dangerous and more treatable, but still, this test only finds aggressive forms of cancer so a positive result is a very bad news. The test was at the end of our meeting in May and it made me less and less engaged mentally with this entire thing. How unfortunate. Most of my life I’ve been alone and now that I finally found a bunch of amazing friends, I got into this health mess, being tested for cancer. From “the best time of my life” to “the worst time of my life” in just a few weeks. After 20 something days of staying here, everyone left except Sasha. I’ve previously talked to Sasha about the possibility of us moving together here in Spain, to rent something to split the costs. Other TROM people wanted to do that too, but Sasha was the only one to stay. Aaron also decided to move with us, but he would come later on in July.

The next days were stressful and crowded. I lived with Sasha in my little room in my parents’ house, while we were also searching for an apartment to move in. We could not find anything. In the meantime I decided to not wait for the cancer results and just go ask to the hospital for them. If I didn’t I would have have to wait a few more days. I went inside with Sasha and Georgi (my sister). We asked. They said the results were negative. Fuck yeah! I felt so good. Damn! Now everything seemed easier. I am cancer free! Or am I?

After a week or so we found an apartment through Georgi from the rental company she works for. This city is full of empty apartments but no one is interested to rent for long term, since it is not profitable. So thousands of apartments are not used most of the time. The apartment was great! 2 rooms, 1 for me and Sasha, 1 for Aaron. A nice livingroom. AC. Close to the beach. 150 Euros each for the rent (monthly).

But what about my health? Before continuing let me tell you that my parents, Georgi and Sasha helped me a ton this period of time. They came with me to the hospital, helped with whatever they could, and also kept me busy so to not stress too much about it all. Kudos to them!

Back to my health. It’s been a few weeks since it started. We investigated infections and trauma, cancer and other things. I started to pee less and less blood. Even when I was doing some effort, I didn’t pee blood anymore. I went to the doctor to continue the investigation. Before the cancer test and other tests (including abdominal ultrasounds), the doctor seemed pretty sure we will know what’s the cause, but the opposite became true. We had no idea. He said they didn’t find any cancerous cells but they found some “abnormal” cells in my urine, and that from here on he doesn’t know what to do so he sent me to an urologist. In a month time. I said ok. I started to feel better and no trace of blood in urine. The mega-TROM-trio was now living under the same roofs. The goofs.

My health investigation continues and becomes even more mysterious.

I went to the urologist. He asked a lot of questions. Told me that they found blood in all urine samples, so regardless if I see it or not, I am still bleeding. They also found proteins in the urine. That is a sign of a leakage from the kidneys. He sent me to 3 more tests. First is to repeat the abdominal ultrasound, second is to repeat the “cancer” one. Fuck! But, the more I’ve read about that test the more I realized is not 100% about cancer, is mostly about the analysis of the cells in the blood: cytology. So, not specific to cancer. For the first cytology test I had to provide an urine sample at the doctor’s office, that he put in 3 jars. Now I had to provide for 3 consecutive days. This one seemed to be more accurate which made me think that maybe they will find some cancers cells now, that they didn’t in the previous one. So it became stressful again.

The third test. A beauty! 🙂

The third test consists of a camera that they insert through the penis and into the bladder. Yeah. I immediately said no. I don’t want that. I’m not homo. And I left the doctor’s office. :)) No, of course I was ok with anything if we are trying to figure out my health problems. This test is kinda a definitive test to check for any problems from the tip of the penis to the bladder. If you have cancer, or a tumor, or lesions. That’s the test for you.

The ultrasound was fine. The cytology one I still don’t know the results…the camera one…all was clean and fine, which was the most welcomed news. First, let me tell you about how it went. Basically you go there, get Adam with them, then they use a syringe without a metal head to inject some anesthetic through the penis. That burns, ok?! Quite a lot. Very uncomfortable. In the next minutes the doctor comes with a long tube, quite thick if you ask me, and without asking what’s your favorite color, what movies you watch or what college you’ve been at, he inserts that mother-fucker-camera through the penis. We didn’t even get to know each other man. What’s wrong with you!? So now, they push it deeper inside you. It is like you get fucked in the penis, if you can imagine that. 😀 The worst part is when it goes by the prostate cause that’s a narrow space and I almost dropped a tear there. Once it is inside the bladder you simply feel a pressure but not pain, and you can watch on the monitor your insides. It takes a few minutes and then is over and your dignity remains in that office.

But I was super happy because, before this test, I knew that if I had cancer of the bladder then with this test we’ll find out for sure. So the great news was that I was clean. Very. Spotless.

Since around mid July to now (2 or so months) I didn’t experience any problems. I ran, hiked, walked, did all kinds of physical efforts and everything was fine. I became so relaxed after the camera test that I didn’t care much. I also had no dignity so that helped :). The “best time of my life” was for a reboot. Season 2. Some characters are back! New are coming. Some left the show. Sasha had to migrate to UK as a fugitive 😀 because her visa expired but she’ll get back in October for good. Seb and Sofie moved here! Wow. So cool. We made 2 desks for them. They live 10 minutes away from us. Extra-Spanish and chévere people Rafa and Vicky visited us, then the great Roma, then some other non-TROM friends. What is this!? Why are so many people coming over? 😀

In this Season 2 I also went to a kidney specialist. Talked a lot with them. They said they see 2 possible issues that I’ll mention later.


I went with Seb and Sofie to build a desk for them. We scavenged through the garbage bins for pieces of wood :D. People put stuff near garbage bins that are quite good. So we found stuff. We built a desk. (photos are from when we’ve built Seb’s desk a few days before)

In this entire time I kinda felt sick. Stomach sick. I realized my pee is dark and it looked like blood. It was for sure blood. Again! Fuck! I then realized that 2 days before we went to a big hike and I did a ton of effort…perhaps the story repeats! Fuck. I said I’ll take it easy.


Last night I worked a lot on TROM and at around 5-6am I started to feel some stomach discomfort. Nothing unusual. Went to sleep. Woke up. I still felt that discomfort. Went to the bathroom and peed. Rainbow? no. Fanta? no. Cola? yes. It was blood. Quite a lot. Confirmed. It is happening again. The entire day I kinda peed blood, without even doing any effort. So that was odd. I also felt uncomfortable and sick. I got concerned a bit to be honest because it confirms that something is happening for sure, and it didn’t just go away. Something is wrong with me. But what?

Let’s pretend to be doctors. Let’s analyze.

I am peeing blood. It seems like I do that all the time, but it is microscopic. At times I pee a lot of blood (macroscopic). Losing a lot of blood it is a concerning sign because it means that something inside you doesn’t work properly. So we need to find the source.

I also pee proteins. Like M&M’s, Twix, or Mars. 🙂 Which means the kidneys are losing proteins. It is a leakage somewhere. We know that for sure. Except these it seems everything is ok with me. Based on these, the issue is for sure coming from the urinary tract. Kidneys, the tubes that go to the bladder, the bladder itself and the rest. It cannot come from anywhere else. We isolated it. Let’s catch it!

Now: we did 2 full abdominal ultrasounds, a ton of pee tests to test for infections, cancerous cells, and a lot more. Blood test and some physical tests. The camera test too (Remember? I don’t!).  Based on all of that my assumption is that the lower part of the urinary tract is ok. No bladder or prostate issue or anything in between. Which is great! I am confident that’s the case. So we are left with the upper part of the urinary tract to investigate. The tubes from the bladder to kidneys, and the kidneys.

The kidneys.

These evil twins that have a problem with the censorship (filtering). They let some stuff out, and not other stuff. Mine got hacked and their algorithm seem not to work anymore.

The kidney specialist said we are now investigating 2 things:

1. a genetic defect that makes the tubes inside kidneys be very thin so they leak proteins and blood into the urine
2. an autoimmune disease that deposits certain molecules in the kidneys and make them fail over time – that’s what I understood

The first is a no problemos! You can live with that for the rest of your life and experience no problems. But it might be the other. A progressive disease is…well….progressive…so it gets worse over time. I barely found some info about these issues. They seem to be very rare. So, the first “option” doesn’t seem to produce visible bleeding, so I am thinking it must be the second. So the second might be split into 2 kind of diseases as I’ve read here. But mainly it is this one and it seems like I fit the description pretty well. 

To summarize: it is a disease of the immune system. Your immune system fucks your kidneys up. If it is an aggressive form there are a variety of diseases that are occasionally associated and discovered while doing the investigations for this disease, like cancer or heart failure. But seems to be rare. So the disease can be moderate or aggressive. It can (and probably will) lead to kidney failure though it takes many years for that to happen. There are very few people suffering from this disease so not many studies went into it unfortunately. There are no treatments, only ways to maybe slow it down and manage it. In the end you may need a kidney transplant and in some cases, even after the transplant the immune system will do the same shitty things to the new kidneys. Jerk! Though I suppose that also takes “years in the making”.

Why I fit the disease:

Why I don’t fit the disease:

So. It is a good possibility that I do have this disease. In November I’ll have to provide more pee samples, like collect pee for an entire day in a big jar :D, to test for any issues with my immune system. And then they will take a tissue sample from my kidneys. We are getting close to solve this mystery! I am curious as fuck!

In 2 days I have another appointment with the urologist. I don’t think is much to do there if you ask me, but I may be surprised in an unpleasant way. He’ll probably tell me about the cytology test results, but even if they find some “cancerous” cells, they are from kidneys probably. Hope not. But the most likely disease is the immune one. And if that’s the case then I’ll deal with it! In the worst case scenario I may need a kidney or two for transplant in a few years (or a lot more years) time. And I am already bombarded with offers from these nice TROM people haha. If I have too many offers, I’ll sell some and pay for our servers haha.

I am now sitting in my comfy gaming chair, writing this blog in Collabora from TROMCloud 🙂 thanks to me, Alexio, and Stoic. I have a lot of news to tell you about ;). My health issues will probably continue for the next months or years and I’ll update this post when I find something new. So probably I just have to get used to it.

This November I want to plan for the next TROM meetup for the next year. We want this to be a yearly thing. I want to do cool stuff, and I’m already doing a bunch of. My life changed so much these past months, for better or for worse, but mostly for better. I am surrounded by the most awesome people. Thanks to them, and their kindness, I am able to cope with these in a decent way ;). Else I would be alone and stressed.

And if you want to donate a kidney, just in case I need one, calm the fuck down! There are some other people on the list so behave yourself! 🙂

To be continued….

update: 28.09.19 - giving birth to a meteor (almost)

After I wrote this blog post I decided to use this cool new app from the healthcare system here in spain. They really have a cool app where you can chat with a doctor, call them, get health tips based on where you live, etc.. So I said “Hi” on their chat. “You know, I’m peeing blood for the past days” I continued. I explained my symptoms and lucky they spoke english so they decided to call me. They suggested it is better for me to go to the emergency room because peeing blood may mean there are blood clots forming and you may not be able to pee. That was a selling point for me. Imagine going to pee and not being able to. Or it stops mid-way. I really don’t want that cause then they have to somehow  “fix” that. So, I went to the emergency room. I felt ok. They did a few tests: physical, blood + urine. Said all seems fine but yeah I still pee blood and they are gonna’ rush with that kidney test so I don’t have to wait 2 more months. They said I could do it the next week. Again, a selling point for me. I was happy. I could not participate to tromcast but I was watching it live from the hospital :):

I could only watch for some 30 min. I liked it. These guys are great :).
So now I was heading home and I had a slight lower abdominal discomfort. While on my way home, in the car, the discomfort got more and more uncomfortable. Went to my parents’ place to eat and yeah, I could tell, it was a bit uncomfortable but not unbearable. Got back to my place at around 10pm. The guys were done with the cast and I decided to meet them and go for a little walk. Me, Georgi, Seb & Sofie, and Aaron. The chosen ones. After some 20 min or walking my lower abdominal pain got more painful and localized. Left side. Back. Radiating to the front. But I thought I went to the emergency already and they saw nothing wrong so that gave me the confidence that nothing could kill me now :D. On our way back the pain got so intense that I could not walk very well. I had to take 2-3 breaks, sit down, then continue. I thought I’ll go home and stay in bed, get some sleep because the previous night I didn’t sleep much, and will be fine. WRONG! VERY WRONG!
Came home and tried to go to sleep early, like at 12am (yeah, that’s early for me!). The pain was growing in intensity and I simply could not fall asleep. I was sweating like a pig and it was a very bizarre night overall: super tired, a lot in pain – sleeping for like 5 min then waking up for 1h, then again falling asleep for 4 min and so forth. What’s a dream? What’s reality? Why isn’t this mother-fuckin-pain going away? I started to get worried. I said that I’ll go to the bathroom and if I still pee blood then I’ll call the ambulance. And it was indeed a very bloody pee. 6am and I texted Georgi that I’ll call the ambulance so they know (she and my parents). Called 112 and through an English translator I managed to summon an ambulance. I went to the hospital again. This time in pain. Georgi came with me.
There the pain got so intense that they gave me an injection straight away. Haven’t had those in like 15 years since I was in school – the injection, not the type. Butt injection. 🙂 It was very nice! 🙁 The pain went away so that was fantastic. They did an ultrasound and there we go. Finally we see something. My left kidney was ‘inflated’ and there was a meteor in there. Do you know that meteors, those “shooting stars” are only the size of a grain of sand? That’s interesting because they produce so much light when they enter the atmosphere. But anyways, I had one there – self-made, earth-like. I knew that I had these (not-cool-people call them “kidney stones”), and I suspected this was the reason I am peeing blood, but the doctors seemed to dismiss this “theory”. After the confirmation of the inflammation and the meteor, hell broke lose on me. Apparently pissing one of these (meaning getting it out of the kidney in a natural way) is one of the worst pains a human can experience. I’ve read that online. I’ve felt it in the hospital. There I am while I was dying:

It may not look like, but I was dying. The pain is so intense that if someone would give me 1 million euros to walk 100 meters in the next 20 minutes, I would have lost that million. The pain was in my lower left side of the abdomen, radiating to the front. Imagine a huge knife stabbing you in the back while at the same time twisting itself around. I had to call the nurses twice to give me more drugs. Last drug was so nice I felt dizzie and happy at the same time. And no pain. But my friends, that pain was intense. Never experienced that in my life. I’d do 5-penis cameras tests instead of one night like this.

The pain was managed with painkillers and I went for another ultrasound. Surprise! No meteor 2 hours later. Apparently it went out of my kidney. Yes! We had some answers. From where the pain was coming, from where I was bleeding. Or was it?

After all of that, some 7-8 hours in the hospital, I came back home and they recommended me some pills like Paracetamol to manage the pain. I took one pill at 3pm. I didn’t pee blood that visibly anymore. But at around 10pm I had a massive pain in my middle lower abdomen (front this time). I had to stay in bed for 1h and after I took another Paracetamol it went away. The hospital also messaged me to come by next day to check my kidneys, just in case.

I went to sleep at 12am and slept till 8am. Slept very good. No pain. Great!

Today, at the time of writing this section (hence the date in the section-title), I went again. I already know the drill: get naked, spread your legs, and start whistling. Oh wait that’s for something else :D. So yeah, I go there, again blood sample, urine sample, physical tests. All seemed fine except, again, I have microscopic blood in the urine. They could not tell me if this is a kidney-meteor related issue or it was since May, but they are now doing more tests just to make sure all is ok with me. So my next tests are: 24h pee collection to test for that autoimmune disease (I have to provide the sample next week and have a schedule with the specialist on 7th of november); a CT (radiology) scan with a contrast substance – this is a detailed scan of the kidney (and not only) where they inject a substance in your bloodstream and then scan your abdomen – this one can detect obstructions, but also tumors and other diseases; plus I also have an appointment with the urologist. Damn, many! Never ending 😀 – but is fine because we get to investigate all of it in detail. If the reason for my bleeding and symptoms is this meteorite (or a few of) then that’s no worry at all, but perhaps the doctors want to make sure that is nothing more serous than that.

Now I have no pain but I am concerned the pain may come back, though perhaps now that I almost gave birth to that meteor, is not gonna’ hurt as much. It may take weeks for the meteor to “go through the atmosphere” of your body, but unless it blocks something in its way, it should not be painful or as painful. I have 2 types of pills at my disposal if so. Let’s see. So far I am happy that the theory of the meteor is now a reality and it is perhaps what caused me so many problems for the past months. But it may not be the entire story. We shall see.

To be continued….

update: 02.10.19 - the meteor strikes again

Last night I wend for a walk with Georgi and I started to (again) feel the damn pain. I barely reached home. Stayed in bed, hoping it will go away. I was confident that now I had some painkillers at my disposal. I could take 1 every 8h. I took one at 10pm and the pain was kinda gone. But it came back in like 2 hours. A 5-6 pain. More to the front left side of my lower abdomen. No way for me to sleep with that pain. Around 2am it become a 6-7 and at times an 8. It was growing in intensity. I could only take the next painkiller in like 5 hours. Too late. Messaged Georgi and we decided to go to ER again. It is 40 minutes away. Good decision! We reached ER and I was in serious pain. The doctors recognized me already. They gave me a painkiller directly through my veins and the pain went away. So good!

My arms look a bit like those of a drug addict haha, because of so many needles that poked me over the past weeks. We had to stay there some 10 hours or so. A lot. Very tired. Managed to take like a 30 min nap in that hospital bed. Basically it is likely that the meteor travels from my kidney to the bladder and in its way there produces more damage, thus the pain. It may happen again….maybe even today. But the good news is that this is 99% likely the cause. I mean, it is the cause of my past weeks symptoms. Probably the past months symptoms but we still need to do more tests for that. The good news is that today they basically didn’t find blood in my urine – first time in the past months. This makes me think that the meteor was the one irritating my kidneys and making me pee blood since May. That’d be a perfect scenario ;).

Now I can take painkillers every 4h so that helps me a lot: mentally and physically. I will only take them if I have pain. So far I am ok. The doctor said the meteor may take another 5-6 days to leave the atmosphere and land in the Toilet ocean. We shall see ;).

Something else now. These past years and especially past months, I had to go to the hospital many times. The last week was a lot of that for me. In ER they “transported” me with a wheelchair (just in case) – cause at times I was on painkillers or on perfusion. They would take me to do an ecography for example, and they would put me in a short line of patients waiting for that. I only shared these rows with super old people who were very crippled. I was also, many times (or all the time), the only “young” patient in the ER. I saw this guy once, with swollen legs, you could see the veins and some dark patches on his skin. Very old. Could not walk. Coughing slowly, almost not willing to cough anymore. He was my neighbor waiting in line. I had these weird feelings about my life….I realize that I am super young still and I should use my body more. Maybe to go places, travel, hike, see stuff, meet stuff, experience stuff. Because one day, I’ll end up like my in-line neighbor. And I won’t be able to use my body. This is a sad feeling, but there is no escape from that. Yes, I find a lot of value in my online life/work, and yes I also go for short hikes and go out daily…I really like my life when I’m not sick. But I’m also thinking that my body will cripple and I will miss it at one point. To be able to walk, run, play, and just feel tired and that’s all, is an amazing feeling. The older you get the more problems you’ll have with your joints, muscles, other health issues, etc..

As much as I praise the Spanish state healthcare system, I don’t want to experience it very often. I want to just live and enjoy life. Take it in.

Life is like an ice cream. If you don’t lick it, it will melt 🙂

Luckily I am still healthy despite all of this. Maybe there’s only the meteor. Maybe I even have an autoimmune disease that won’t affect my life that hugely. regardless, I am still healthy. And young. I only experienced 31 Summers on Earth :). Maybe, like I talked to the most-traveling-traveler Sasha a few times, I may take a slight break from my online life at one point and just buy a motorhome and go travel for a bit. Just some nature, no thoughts about the fucked up society. To see how it is. We shall see ;).

To be continued…


update: 14.10.19 - probably I'm fine 😉

I had a CT scan of my abdomen (kidneys and gallbladder and all in-between). All great. Except a few more kidney stones (very small ones), everything is fine. They will “wash” away with water. DRINK WATER! And I’m already doin’ it! I used to drink Coca-Cola all of my life. Not anymore. Now I wash my insides with water.

Today I went to the urologist and only stayed there for like 2 minutes because everything was fine he said. I only have to do 1 more test and have 1 more visit with the kidney expert. But everything is perfect at the moment. Yellow pee. No pain. Let’s do stuff! 🙂

update: 07.11.19 - I'm fine

So, after all of this scare I can finally say I am FINE. I went today to the kidney specialist. After liters of urine samples and blood, CT scan, ultrasounds, penis-camera, and so forth, we have some kinda definitive answers: the meteorite fucked me for the past months. It fucked my kidneys to the point of degrading the function of my left kidney a bit. Even this last test (the 24 hours urine collection) showed that my left kidney is still not 100% functional, but close to that. Very likely it will recover. They still found a little bit of blood in urine but they said these can be normal after getting hit by that meteor so hard. Will do another such test in March to make sure all is 100% fine. So, ALL GOOD PEOPLE. Fuck me man, this was a scary experience. But kudos to this healthcare system here that took care of me, kinda trade-free. 😉

I won’t say this is the best time of my life since I’ve gone though all of these, but I am definitely gonna make it the best time of my life from now on. It will always be the best time of my life, till is not ;).

Chewing more than I can swallow

Chewing more than I can swallow

When I was in highschool I LOVED movies. Loved them! So much so that I would watch at least 2-3 a day, almost with no exception. 100 days means 200-300 movies, 360 days means around 1k movies. Several years means thousands of movies…. I was so passionate that I made websites where I would recommend and review movies, I burned thousands of CDs with movies as well, and overall I knew pretty much every english movie out there.

I somehow get into this craze with things that I really love and I want them all. NOW! 😀 – I had a huge list of movies back then and I would randomly pick 2-3 every day to watch, just because I wanted to see ALL movies that exist haha.

Today I changed the “things” and not the approach. For the past 10 or so years I shifted from movies to documentaries. I watched thousands of documentaries in the same “style”. I simply cannot help it. I like it so much! I really want to know everything about the world and documentaries are a great way of getting your head filled with good stuff. And I do the same now for podcasts, free and open source software, news, educational videos, and who knows what else. Every day I am digesting these “things”: In the morning, when I eat I watch TROM curated videos; throughout the day I read pretty much all TROM Curated news, when I design books or do more mechanical work I listen to podcasts, and many times I watch one or two documentaries before going to bed. I also squeeze in my obsession with FOSS and I search for new apps and Linux “tricks”.

Because of these obsessions of mine I created tools where I share with everyone all of these “things”: TROM Curated Videos, TROM Curated News, TROM Curated Podcasts, VideoNeat, and soon there will be a page about TROM-jaro (the Linux operating system I customized) where I will add FOSS apps and stuff like that, and there will also be other such tools like MusikWave (music streaming website I made).

To “maintain” these “things” I pretty much have to dedicate hours every day to find them and curated them and post them on those online “directories”. Not easy! When I find a good documentary I have to add it to VideoNeat in a way that anyone has access to it, if you know what I mean. Find a podcast and I have to listen to several of their episodes before I decide if it is good enough to add to our curated podcasts. FOSS? Needs to be tested for several days, maybe weeks, before I can recommend. News sources or youtube channels? The same, they need to be “watched” over a period of time to make sure their content is ok.

On top of this craze I have to do lots of other stuff, and let me enumerate some:

  • Write in-depth TROM books. This needs research, writing and rewriting, design, promote, make memes, post on tromsite, archive links, etc. Some books took me  1 eyar to finish.
  • Review books – same process as above.
  • Maintain 4 websites:,,, – they need constant maintenance. For example recently was “hacked” by automated bots that were posting spam comments on the website – so I spent several days fixing it (super difficult). Same happened to musikwave and tiotrom. I need to update plugins, keep an eye to see if all websites work well, fix bugs, etc.
  • Build TROM-jaro: this amazing operating system needs testing and testing and it takes a while to do that. Still not fully released because I am looking at fixing some stuff. To give you an example it had a bug where if you closed the laptop lid and open it again (so the laptop would go into suspend mode) the desktop (at times) was messed up. I had to ask for help from Manjaro’s forum and we had to test different themes and settings until we kinda figure out where the issue was. I also report bugs for applications to developers and keep track of that – and I do report a lot!
  • I have to reply to emails and messages. Trust me it is not easy to do this. Some emails and messages require you to be focused and provide a good answer. Even though no more than 15-20 people contact me weekly, it is still difficult to engage with them all.
  • I have to deal with our new thing, TROM-Cast. Had to learn to use OBS Studio so that the streams work and look great and are functional, have to find news for the week to discuss them in the cast, and deal with a lot more.
  • Manage social networks: make memes, post them, reply to comments. Again, unless you manage several social network pages you may not understand that this is very time consuming.
  • Deal with finances and backups for the projects
  • and more…

For example these days Philip contacted me that he wants to make TROM books as epub and printed copies and that requires a lot of focus from myself tu simply quantify what he wants to do, then I am talking to Dima about our upcoming TROM-Cast and also about his Entertainment book that we still review, Rafa translated a huge TROM book that I had to add to tromsite + the TBF search engine that I had to re-build for the spanish language, Aaron is translating some of the blog posts from here and he told me 2 videos are not working from one blog post so I had to replace those, I was talking to Ziad about some tromsite bugs and/or features and I had to test some stuff, Cody needed me for accessing DTube where he wants to move TROM videos – needs the login and some stuff not working there so I have to check, I am checking new podcasts and made a new podcasts page on tromsite, I had to change the backpage for each trom ebook and re-upload them to tromsite, I had to engage in conversations about several bugs I reported for several foss apps, I had to fix something important with VideoNeat that took me days to do, added new sources to our curated search engine, and I am sure there are other things but I cannot remember. Mind you, this is stuff I had to do for the past several days, not even one week. And it can get super confusing for me if I talk with someone about epub versions of TROM ebooks, with another about a TROM bug, with another about updating some TROM ebooks, with another about something else, and doing other things at the same time. At times I lose my focus completely 😀

Maybe I want to do more things that I humanly can….like take TROM-Jaro…this operating system, although is simply a customized Manjaro, can be one single full-time job with fixing bugs, adding new features, making a website for it and tutorials, finding new foss apps, etc.. Or writing TROM books…that takes a huge amount of times. Or curate stuff.

But I simply cannot stop. And I do not want to do things at 50% I want to do them at 96-100%. Like I do not want to make a meh operating system, I want to make a WOW operating system. No simple curated news, but AWESOME curated news. No nice book, but AMAZING book. At least in my view.

BUT, I am not complaining- It is super difficult, it is true, and at times I get confused and I hate it, but generally I LOVE it because I do not want to be bored and have no ideas about what I want to do or no one to contact me about these projects. That would be a complete disaster. But if you don’t see me writing TROM books so often is because I have to deal with a lot of other relevant stuff on a daily basis. And also there are several people who help TROM project a lot so that I don’t have to do all of the lifting!

And now I am writing this blog post…damn! 😀

TROM Google Account back!? WTF!

TROM Google Account back!? WTF!

As you may know Google deleted my entire TROM Google account in May this year without a warning. Everything I had: gmail, picasa photos, google drive, API, everything … except for my Youtube account, that was there but I could not access anymore. So it was weird as fuck. Contacted them and they said they cannot help me out. Checked several times on a special Google page to get the confirmation that my account was deleted and it was indeed deleted (confirmed by Google). I even created another Google account to post our TROM Series there since I could not access the old channel. For the past months I checked the account several times and it was the same – inaccessible. I did that because it felt weird that they deleted everything yet my Youtube was still up and running, so I hoped to at least see a message from Google with an explanation – I thought that it may take them a bit of time to let you know the exact reason of why they deleted my account.

Last night I tried to sign in with the old credentials and it fucking worked. Just like that. WHAT!? Every Google service was back again – all of my files on Google Drive intact, gmail, picasa photos, everything. What is even weirder is that I had that gmail address set up to forward emails to my personal email address and it never did that, UNTIL I logged in last night and started to forward emails out of a sudden. In a way it looked like my login activated my account again or something like that. I have 1.3k unread emails (imagine that), and even though most could be spam, I still lost some important stuff because of this circus. I also realized that I was paying for my “deleted” Google drive for the past months when I could not access it … I deleted that account now.

This is beyond weird. I searched through all of the unread emails to see if Google sent me a cookie or a bottle of wine in apology for the stupid mistake they made, but none what so ever. All I can tell is this: Google deleted my entire account without telling me a thing about it. Then I checked and it was confirmed by Google that it was deleted and only if I made an appeal to court (or some legal shit like that) I “may” get it restored. I, of course, did none of that and forgot about it. They continued to charge me for the Google Drive however. Yesterday I tried to log in and it worked – my account was back again. No notice from Google about that. So they kinda deleted my account for 3+ months without telling me, and then brought it back from the dead (again without telling me).

But I lost my “faith” in Google entirely regardless if they restored it – although who knows, maybe in a week I can’t access it anymore. I am glad that this entire thing with Google happened so that I can learn a lesson: never trust any company with your data (digital stuff). This experience made me back up everything locally and use more and more the offline Linux apps available. I will post TROM Series on the Youtube channel again, here but I won’t make a big fuss about that. Whoever watches there, good for them, but I will only promote for everything we do. I can control entirely and you can bet that you’ll find all of the TROM stuff there. But I can’t guarantee you’ll find TROM stuff on Youtube or anywhere else.

So, Google re-enabled TROM account, and I give little fucks about that. Fuck off Google :P. Don’t need you bro.

It is unfortunate that we can’t share TROM videos properly with people – if Google doesn’t close our account, then it for sure will eat us alive because of copyright, so it will make our TROM Videos on Youtube unavailable in certain parts of the world. Either way, it is a reason not to care to use Google anymore. This goes to show that these companies own you. They can do whatever they want and whenever they want to.

Thank you Linux community for allowing me to give the middle finger to all of these idiot companies. Most of what I use is open source and free.

You, the one reading this, maybe should learn something from this and avoid giving your digital stuff to companies, no matter how sweat their offer seems. But more than likely you won’t properly get this (like I did), and only after going through what I went through (rebuilding VideoNeat and all of the hassle that followed the disabling of the account) you’ll learn.

Why Jacque is not dead

Why Jacque is not dead

Since I found out about Jacque and TVP I knew in the back of my head that this day will come. I will be around to hear that Jacque has died. That day has come and although not a surprising news considering Jacque’s age, it still gave me chills.

Just a little background: I found out about Jacque and TVP around 2006 or so (I think it was the Future by Design documentary) and my first reaction was (I remember so clearly): “Wow this old dude is exactly like me.” The way he talked, the things he talked about, everything was so “like me”. That’s how I felt. But then I forgot about him or TVP. I rediscovered him in Zeitgeist Addendum a few years later and then I went through some intense watching/listening/reading about him and TVP. Without exaggeration, I felt at that time that he was the only human in the world that I could look up to. I never had any “role models” or appreciated people really, but I always looked at ideas. Well, with Jacque it was a bit different because he seemed so sharp and giving no fucks about the establishment or what people think. I came across other people criticizing the world we live in but they never went far enough and that was so frustrating to me. Jacque did that. He ripped apart the monetary system and human values. I loved him. He was, in a way, confirming my worldviews.

This is an article I made in 2010 on my personal blog about him – (it is in Romanian) – and I mentioned his work many times on my blog.

He inspired me to make TROM Documentary because he was all about the solutions and I loved that aspect. A huge part of TROM Documentary is based on his work and revolves around videos/audios with him. I was dreaming at that time to meet him and talk to him. I wasn’t fanatic at all about this, but I would have loved to meet him and talk to him.

Later on, after making TROM, I ended up collaborating with TVP and talking indirectly to him through my articles for TVPMagazine that he read/reviewed. I didn’t change my views about Jacque, only my enthusiasm after I grew up (mentally) and realized that the world is bigger than any man, and that there are many hard working people with brilliant ideas out there. And so I questioned Jacque’s views, something I wasn’t able to do before because the enthusiasm blinded me. Interestingly even after looking with a critical eye on Jacque, I still find his work and views on the world valid and important. I may slightly disagree with him here and there (maybe), but I think that what he created is wonderful. It is a very simply explained worldview that anyone can understand.

You see there are many people who have similar (in a way) ideas about the future, but Jacque managed to showcase this vision through his designs. This, I think, was what made TVP popular because people could imagine how such a world might look like. Plus his style of delivering the message – he had the charm/charisma. He knew how to deliver the message. Perhaps that will be missed the most.

But I said: “Why Jacque is not dead”. Well, interestingly enough this was the title of a google document that I made 2 years ago whilst still managing TVPM, because I knew this day would come and I thought I would make an article for TVPM about this.

I never made that article of course, but now that this moment came and I no longer collaborate with TVP, I’ll make a shorter version of that article here, on my blog. The name of the article was to point out something people may be missing.

Let me explain briefly:

One summer day when I was about 12 I’ve noticed something that made my skin crawl. I noticed that I was laughing exactly like a “cool kid” that came to our town for the holidays. This may seem like a nothing thing to you but to me it was super creepy to realize that I copied that frickin’ laughing style without noticing. Then this kinda obsessed me to pay attention to, about copying other people’s behavior, and I paid special attention to it. I’ve noticed it about others, I’ve noticed it about me. I’ve noticed others copying me as well. It wasn’t only about facial expressions and stuff like that though, but also about ideas and ways of thinking. Later on in my life, after being Jacqued’ some years ago, I noticed how I involuntarily copied some of his ideas and talking ‘ticks’ or ways of expression when I was explaining/writing to/for others about the world, monetary system, human values. A part of Jacque was part of me. Like a tiny ghost breathing from inside me. This is not an exaggeration if you think that what we are is a combination of ideas, and similar ideas (worldviews) in different brains make us more like one brain. If Jacque’s brain was 90% about explaining why the monetary system is the fault of most problems, and how a worldwide society based on abundance can solve that, then if at least half of your brain is about and dedicated to that, then you are part Jacque Fresco and Fresco is part you. And this is not a Jacque’s measure, this works both ways. Jacque copied information from others too, so a bit of others lived through Jacque as well.

Something mind blowing to realize about humans is that they are carriers of ideas. I have digital photos and videos since 2003 on my hard drive right now. They moved from one hard drive to another – big hard drives, solid state hard drives, flash drives, cds and dvds – but they are still the same. What moved was information. The hard drives and cds/dvds are all gone. The information remained. Humans, for sure, are more than just hard drives and dvds: they have feelings and relationships, aspirations, goals, hobbies, that are uniquely theirs. But when it comes to ideas – like for example ideas that Jacque had – then they indeed are like those photos and videos that I moved from one hard drive to another.

Therefore as cheesy as this may sound, Jacque is not entirely dead. He lives through me, you, and so many others out there. The question is how much of the info you copied on your hard drive from him, and how motivated are you to make others copy it on their hard drives?

But then understand that this is bigger than one man, or a bunch of. If indeed you pretend to understand how the world works and what we can do to change it, then you’ll install a firewall on your system and review the stuff you copy on your hard drive (change, remove, improve). Jacque or any other out there cannot hold on information like a CD. Their info changes as well. The information in any of our heads changes all the time. But if you want to truly be immortal make sure the info that you have in your brain is as valuable as to make others copy it further and to be resilient in front of firewalls and big edits (change, remove, improve) over time. Einstein’s ideas are such ideas that remained with us until now. They were valid and strong. Firewalls and edits made little impact on his ideas of relativity. Whatever percentage of his science work was Einstein’s brain, that copied to many of people’s brains and is still carried on. I am a bit of Einstein, others are a lot more. I may be a bit more of a Jacque Fresco, but these two people are bits of others as well. And so we all are a soup of others, a mix that is mutating almost like a creature without a physical form.

If Jacque was a robust piece of data, then Jacque will live for a long time. Good and verifiable ideas can stand up time.

I never wanted a photo with Jacque or a signed book, or anything like that, because I realized that if I want something from him then I can just copy it to my brain. Fortunately, there is no copyright issue in that (at least for now). It is free, so go ahead and pirate this shit like crazy! 🙂 Jacque was not an athlete, singer, Hollywood star and so on to want to take a photo with him like a proof of meeting him or whatever, he was not about the ‘looks’, he was about ideas, so if you ever wanted to meet him, then listen to him, and copy him in your brain.

And if you don’t make this about Jacque, but about ideas, then these ideas can be immortal. If you mingle these ideas in original ways in your brain and then they spread to other brains, then part of you will live a lot longer than your body. You are ideas, and ideas will live longer than you. 🙂

So if you want to live for hundreds or thousands of years, or more, grow your brain, copy ideas, mix them in your head, think, develop original ideas, spread them to others.


New website, hurdles writing books, plans for the future, and more

New website, hurdles writing books, plans for the future, and more


My old website was based on a very old template that made the website unstable and unsecured. So much so that it was hacked several times in the past few months. Nothing that big of a deal since it was hacked by automated bots looking for flaws in the code of WordPress themes and from there on accessed Wordpress posts and were able to change the content. So I was seeing certain posts deleted and the title and content were like “hacked by…”. But since WP has a backup for all articles I was able to quickly and easily revert back all articles. So I had to take the time these days to update my website. Now is all brand new, secure, and more interesting. It is mainly my personal place where I can share stuff I do and think, without being dependent on websites like Facebook to do so. People do not realize how FB for example eats their lives, their creations, their time. Why would I post the stuff I make, my thoughts, on a website that’s owned by a company that cares mostly (if not entirely) to make money and therefore changes its rules of how it operates more often and weirder than quantum particles change states. I don’t want to rely on sharing my thoughts and creations on a website that can say: “Tio, friend, you are not allowed to post these things!”. I don’t need the daddy facebook to tell me what I’m allowed to think and create. FB banned my account 2 times so far because I posted content that IT, the God-FB, found offensive. So from now on I’ll post on my blog then share on FB because unfortunately most people are on FB…I’ll try to make this automated so when I post on my blog it goes on FB, because I don’t use FBb at all, I manage all my FB accounts and pages via HootSuite.

I also added a live chat on my site, so if people want to get in touch with me quicker they can do that via the chat. If it gets too spammy for me I’ll close it or limit it somehow. Let’s see how it goes. – the chat didn’t work properly so I closed it for now.

Anyways, from now on I’ll post here new videos I make with my drone, other kinds of videos, my thoughts on various topics, photos I make, and stuff like that. It’s my place, my home, and you are all invited in 🙂



In February last year I started to write the TROM book on language. Prior to that it took me around 1-2 months to finish up a lecture on language that was the start of researching for this series. Now is May 2017 and it’s been 1 year and around 3 months since I am working on this book. Frustrating, amazing, what!?, interesting, wtf!, and so forth. In essence, I worked on this series for more than a year and I still haven’t finished it since I still have to write the last part of it (part 5) that can also take at least 1 month to finish up. This can be frustrating for people to know that a project like TROM may release a full book, on a particular subject, every year and a half (so long!), but this is not the entire story. You see in this 1 year and some months I’ve been through a lot of changes and struggles. I broke up from TVP and had to move everything to TROM, basically rebuilding I had health problems that made me unable to work for about 3 months. I started TROM Video Series that took lots of time to kickstart and then I helped with it along the way and I am still doing that. I also had several issues with my laptop: some keyboard keys stopped working and that makes writing super difficult; 8gb out of my 12gb RAM memory got toasted and I had to buy new ones and wait for them to arrive before doing any work; I had to rebuild my personal website, work on two other websites to make some more money because TROM money is lower and lower; and overall I was busy with transitioning to TROM from TVPM and dealing with some medical issues (going to hospital, feeling sick, etc.); I also worked on two other big articles and prepared them for when I’ll be able to focus on them 100%.

But there is a more important reason: this book is a monster and the subject is super complex. I think that you can’t choose any other subject that’s more difficult than language. People don’t see how much stuff I read/watch and write that I have to ditch later on when I find out it is irrelevant and I followed a misleading path that I now have to ditch entirely. They see the end result. They also don’t see me designing these books (improving images quality, making some images, testing multiple designs, editing videos for these books, and lots more). Basically, it is a TONNE of work.

I am also battling with motivation. Here’s why: if you look at any creative stuff happening online (blogs, vlogs, people writing articles or making interesting videos, or making games and stuff like that) you’ll see that most of these people, if they are somewhat successful (attract views and support), have a peak of creativity in the first 1-3 years (or less) where they push like crazy and work like nuts. After that they usually experience a deep fall and they produce less stuff, less often. Look at any blogger you followed or youtube channel – in the beginning they were making stuff like nuts, lots of articles, lots of videos, then they started to release rarer and rarer. That’s understandable because you are going to burn yourself out in the first years if you approach things like this. I’ve seen this happening with everyone I followed online. But there are two important things: first is that IF these people attract a big following and support (financial for example) in those first crazy years then they can ‘retire’ a bit afterward, doing less stuff yet still having the support from their followers, and the reach. Things get easier for these folks because of their huge following and support gained in the first years. They may release 1 video a month or 1 article a month or rarer, yet still have a lot of financial support and reach because of the ‘nuts’ past where they worked like crazy to reach this point. These are the people who succeed. The second scenario is when you push like crazy in the first years YET you don’t reach many people, therefore less support, and since you burned yourself out you can’t keep yourself afloat anymore. You produce less stuff and therefore you reach even fewer people, meaning less support (motivational support or financial support), so you may feel like you do stuff for nothing (has no value) + since you don’t have enough financial support you can’t keep on doing what you’ve been doing. Those are the people who push like the rest, yet they don’t succeed.

What happened to me: in 2010 I started working for one full year alone to make TROM documentary. Each day, no breaks, lots of stress, so much work. Prior to this I also had a blog where I was writing (lots of work) + a funny video series that I made for about 3 years (another “lots of work”). None brought me any financial support. Then in 2011 I worked again to remake TROM – same hurdles, same daily work. So around 2 years of daily intense work that followed 3-4 years of quite hard work (but not daily). Next 1-2 year(s) I worked less but still worked on helping TVP with some stuff and kickstarting their TVPMagazine project + creating VideoNeat. It wasn’t a daily work, but still quite a lot. The support thus far was almost 0 in terms of money, so it was not sustainable, but in terms of views it was somewhat increasing. I got the reach, I didn’t get the support. So overall 4-5 years of hard work with a good reach but almost no financial support. Then “boom” – we’ve got financial support for TVPMagazine to work one year, then to work another year (almost two years). But in this time I kinda burned myself. I was a bit burned because of the work before this, but now I felt a bit more forced to produce stuff since people were donating money for this work. I worked 3-4 years like nuts for TVPM. Each day, 10-12 hours, writing tonnes of articles and about very hard-to-write-about-subjects. I built TVPM website and quizzes and lots other tools, tried to help TVP with lots of other stuff like re-organizing their video/audio materials, rebuilding their website several times, managing their social networks, and more. I was unstoppable. I worked so much that I felt like burning out the few people who worked alongside me. But because I finally had my own life due to the financial support we’ve got: so now I could pay a rent, be able to buy food for myself, and so on, I felt super motivated to push myself so much. I knew that I worked a tonne in the past without any financial support, so now that I had a financial support it motivated me so much to keep the work going because I was able to be financially independent and focus 100% on what I loved doing. But I was getting so little financial support that if I needed medicine or some clothes I could go bankrupt. It was at the limit and it was not growing. So that started to sink in more and more, and I started to realize that I need more financial support to be able to keep my work flowing. Then the TVP breakup followed and the stress that accumulated to me over time + the burnout, and that lead to a huge drop in my motivation or ability to keep that kind of work going.

Since the breakup from TVP the views and financial support substantially got lower. So low I had to move with my parents because I could not afford to live on my own. My own place, my own life, that I hardly managed to make for myself by working so hard vanished in one month. With my health issues that I struggled for months, and this situation with TVP, I felt super difficult to motivate myself again to push it hard like before.

For example because of stress and hard work (little sleep, not eating well or too much, and so on) I developed a skin rash on my face that now made me so sensitive to stress (dermatitis). If before I could handle stress like a champion :), now I can’t anymore. If I get stressed a bit (not able to release more stuff or do new projects, and so on) my face turns red and itchy and painful and there is no treatment out there to cure this. So the only way to not get myself ‘hurt’ is to not stress myself. This sucks but it is also kinda forcing me to stress less. To understand what stresses me out: I feel like I found a mind blowing way to explain why the world sucks and how to fix it, so I want to scream that. I want for people to know this. It is almost like you found out you are in a computer simulation, and you know that for sure, and of course you want to tell everyone about it. That’s my feeling. Money does not stress or motivate me, they are only a mean that allows me to continue my work. If I get little financial support it stresses me because it makes my life suck and not be able to focus much or better on the “screaming” part.

So right now the financial support is dropping with each month, the reach is dropping with each month, I get a bit stressed because I want to write about so many other things but because I have to think of ways to make some money I can’t focus much on that. One thing people who do not write stuff do not understand is “the peace of mind”. I can write articles like these in a few hours, but TROM books are a different monster – I have to be really calm and relaxed to be able to write about subjects like language, evolution, monetary system, and such. I am telling you this thing is super difficult. Try it for yourself. Write about something like “instinct” or “human behavior” and try to make it as scientific as possible (with good and reliable sources) and explain it in detail. You’ll realize how super difficult it is.

But the difference between me (TROM) and a blogger or a vlogger or most of the internet “creativeness” is that I don’t do TROM because it is my ‘passion’, ‘hobby’, or is ‘cool’ or can bring me money. Not at all. I do it because it has a super important importance. It is about that “living in a computer simulation” kind of feeling. I feel like I need to do this. I just can’t live without doing this. That’s how important this project is in my view.

Therefore recently I had to struggle to motivate myself to finish up the book on language because of the drop in reach and financial support + the complex subject I am writing about. Although I am so motivated to keep on “TROMing” (to quote a friend 🙂 ), it surely is demotivating seeing how unstable the situation is with TROM from a financial perspective. It surely worries me that with so little money I’ll have to take some radical decisions or else I just can’t make a life on this planet for myself.

Someone seeing me struggling with this said these days: “I suggest you just finish up the language book the way you can and move to something else” – because this someone heard me saying that I want to move to other subjects as well, but I said: “I’m not writing this stuff for the sake of writing something. If I can’t provide some super important information through what I’m doing I prefer not doing it at all. I am not going to just write something and finish up the language book. I am going to finish it up in a way that is super relevant and makes a lot of sense. If that takes 4 months then that’s how it will be. Else makes no sense.” – quite a long quote :)).

The point is: TROM is losing reach, is losing financial support. IT also is about super complex subjects that take a tonne of time to write about so that makes people less interested in it (nowadays people want stuff to pour out like a heavy rain – breakthroughs, BreakingNews, breakdance!?) :). So TROM is more likely to go further down in reach and support, and that in turns will make me (us) less able to produce important stuff. Sucks! BUT!



I am lucky that I live in a very small, quiet, and awesome town and area in the North of Spain. Here’s me on the beach struggling with some breakdance moves :)):

Here I am in a city that’s on a rock. So awesome, can’t believe the landscape (I’ll post a video from the drone on my website soon):

Me on top of a castle that’s on top of a mountain near where I live:

And it is super important that I live in such a place because it costs me nothing to live my life here. Meaning that when I go out it costs me zero money to go to the beach, to the mountain, with the bike, for a walk, and so on. It only costs me money for the car’s fuel, but that’s all. Of course it costs the rent, food, stuff like that, what I meant is that it does not cost me money to go out and in such places that I love. So I get a serious dose of relaxedness because of where I live. When I go out, I go out. Never had FB or Twitter or WhatsApp, or anything like that on my phone. Only a handful of people can contact me and I get no notifications from apps or messages. No one can bother me while I’m out, so I am away from all the stress :).

This is super important for me!

It is true that I can’t afford to eat out (maybe 3-4 times a year I can); it is true that I can’t buy pretty much anything except food, some clothes from time to time, and basic stuff; it is true I have no money to travel anywhere. But fortunately, I don’t need to because of the area I live in. There are so many nature landscapes here that are unbelievable. I like this kind of calm life.

This allows me to compensate for the lack of TROM support. With the money I get from TROM right now, I would not be able to afford to work on it if I were to live in other parts of the world where you need to pay even for going from point A to point B. Any city bigger than 10,000 people would kill me financially and mentally because where would I go to relax? To a bar? Between the concrete jungle?

So because I don’t need much money for now, then I can still make it with what I get from TROM. But is not sustainable for sure since I have to be financially dependent even in this area. This is not good at all. Also, I don’t want you to think that TROM causes me stress. Mainly it is an issue with the money and reach. Money to allow me to continue to do this important work (in my view), and reach is just a bit upsetting because we need people to be aware of such information and I’ve been doing all I can to reach more people (made books, videos, quizzes, a curated news and videos  system, and lots more). I am also a bit stressed whilst working on super complex subjects like Language because it is super hard to understand and write about them, and it stresses me out when I can’t work that much as I would like to, or when I can’t figure something out about that subject. This stress is a good stress though because it is my battle with understanding the complex world we live in ;).


Ok. So. I am now done with most issues I had in the past including my health (all good now, feeling great). And so I’ll be able to try and push again this project and my plan is to focus on video, on TROM Series. We make long videos, some longer than documentaries, and I want to release more and quicker. We will push TROM Series and our youtube channel, and TROM ebooks will have to relax so that I can focus on making them super great but do not rush with them. TROM Series more and quicker, TROM ebooks less and more detailed (like we did so far). I may also work on weekends some ‘part-time’ jobs this summer so that’ll affect how much time I can dedicate for TROM, but if I focus on videos primarily then that is many times easier to make than books. So that won’t be an issue. I can basically make these videos if I say: “I’ll start in 3 hours and work 4 hours on them”. Something I can’t say about TROM books – I can only work on the books when I am really into that. Can’t force it.

I’ve been pushing like crazy for about 5-6 years, and that’s way longer than I’ve seen most people push with their projects, so perhaps there is something special about what I’m pushing for. But videos reach more people and the feedback we get for them is great. I also love making videos and love working with Sebastian to make them. Great guy. But we need to support my and Sebastian’s work or else how can we spend time on this?

I’ve learned though to accept the situation that TROM is largely unknown and the only reason this upsets me is that I want for people to know about the subjects we talk about: how trade is the source of most issues today, what solutions there are to overcome this, and so forth. If I were to see others more popular out there pushing this worldview then I’ll be super happy and not ‘upset’ about TROM’s reach. Hell yeah I would contact them and offer to team up with them. TVP and TZM may seem to be doing just that but in my view they are not. They focus on money money money as the source of problems too much, and they are kinda non-cooperative from my experience + kinda sprinkled with pseudoscience (maybe not from them necessarily, but from many of their supporters). So I just can’t see an organization/movement to point out that trade creates most of today’s issues and how to seriously think about relevant ways to tackle that.


I know blogs that get 13,000 dollars a month on Patreon and their websites look hacked, their subjects very opinionated. If I had that money I would help at least 4 people and we would do tonnes of projects. Here’s a brief on what I would love doing (just in my mind right now):

  • make a weekly video show with the best news of the week; news based on our TROM news, not BS news and exaggerated ones that you see on social networks.
  • take great articles from the web and transform them into videos; there are amazing articles written by people that would end up as amazing videos; this could lead us to all kinds of interesting collaborations with groups of people that we can’t reach with TROM ever.
  • create a search engine that can search everything that’s free and open source online: 3D models for 3D printers, videos, images, songs, even free places where you can crash for a night or find free food; a free search engine 🙂
  • I would also like to buy some stuff like a better laptop for myself because my laptop is old and not working too well; I would love to have a big monitor and a great keyboard so I can design/write better and more comfortable for me.
  • and lots more stuff + I would financially help others that work in the same direction


Here’s the thing: I am not obsessed with making stuff for TROM for the sake of doing that.I do this because there are so many important subjects to talk about. I have a list of 92 possible future subjects – figure that out :D. And at least 3-4 articles/books in the making on top of the last part of language that I am working on right now. Plus I want to work on a fictional book about how a future saner trade-free society might look like. So I have a tonne of ideas and I will try to start working on them. Will see how the money thing will work out and what I can afford to spend my time on.

And just so those who donate/donated know: I’ll never in my life forget that there are people like you out there who helped me out for so long. There are people who donated over the years hundreds or thousands of euros – that’s just hard to process considering they could have done any other thing with that money.

Oh and btw, I will try to make more “my perspective” videos and “4 things that amaze me” posts. I wish I had more arms and heads because I want to do so much.

TROM Dissected after 6 years

TROM Dissected after 6 years

This dissection will be brief but important. Since I made TROM (started in 2010 and finished in 2011) I learned a ton about the world and some of the stuff I learned made me realized that I was ‘wrong’ in certain parts from TROM Documentary. Mind you I wrote several books since then on topics related to TROM and for the books my research on the topcis was much much more detailed. So it was quite normal to find out small parts of TROM with which I would disagree.

Here are the things that I got wrong in TROM or I kinda disagree with now:

Read More Read More

Facebook Ban

Facebook Ban

Short story short: I published the documentary “The Raw Ones” from VideoNeat to Facebook with this message “Surprisingly educational documentary. I think nowadays you will rarely find such documentaries that are to the point and scientific.” – the documentary is about how sick this world is in regards to the naked human body – it is educational, it is from 1965, and it is banned on Facebook.

I posted it on my personal account, TROM and VN pages. Then bam! Facebook blocks me saying that I didn’t respect their terms and conditions…they logged me out from their messenger for 2 of my accounts, both of which were admins for TROM and VN, yet the other account of mine did not post a thing on FB and never did, it is a personal account to keep in touch with my family. I can’t post on FB for at least 24h, and TROM page is deleted/unpublished and I can only hope they will bring it back.They also blocked another admin of TROM page, even if he did nothing at all.

So Facebook got scared of some tits basically, or something like that because of the documentary’s poster, and went bananas and blocked me everywhere. I didn’t like FB at all, ever, but now it’s just beyond Hitler-like. I will incorporate more about this in a TROM future book (hopefully really soon) to explain why this situation with entities like FB or YTB or Twitter and such are very very scary.

It’s a very sick world, and what an irony….posting a documentary about how this society is so ‘scared’ when it comes to the naked human body to then be blocked by the largest ‘social’ network in the world on the reason that I posted nudity….

Mad, mad world.

I’ll update here if there are any other updates but I am thinking of completely giving up FB.

UPDATE: we are back on FB, but my attitude towards FB will change from now on and I will try not to post messages on FB directly but on my blog and then post a link to FBso people check my blog if they want to read these posts. I can’t rely on the primitiveness and stupidity of Facebook anymore.

TVP and ME

TVP and ME

This article represents my own interpretation of the following ‘situations’. Keep that in mind. But not sure it could be otherwise though. If you take this article as “creating drama” then I can’t help you with anything. I am aware that the world became a drama of ‘confessions’, disputes, gossips, and so on, but for one I am not part of that world and I don’t care about it, and second: how else can I present my experience with TVP? Some people think that I did not cooperate with TVP, and others have no idea what went wrong because I never made my thoughts on this as ‘public’ so they project whatever they can about it – and TVP was completely silent almost as if TVPMagazine was swallowed by a black hole. Perhaps most don’t care, but I want to share some thoughts so that I may make things more clear and take this off my chest.

Very important: one thing I always found impossible was to project about individual people. Like I can’t say Emma, or Billy, or Jesus 🙂 are like that or like so, because people change their behavior a lot, they are too dynamic to define them in one way or another. Like everyone, I too used to have opinions about other people, but then I got confused because I was like: Coco is such a jackass and he likes to annoy people. But then, knowing Coco better, I realized that he is not always like that, and depending on the circumstances he can be a good guy who can listen to what you have to say. Therefore people are in one way or another depending on the circumstances they face, and so you can’t really summarize their behavior unless you observe them reacting to many situations. And even after that, it’s super hard to have any valid opinion since people can change. So if Coco is a jackass in general, then maybe in a week he will change and become a nice guy. SO, this article is not going to be about people, but about situations. I cannot know how Roxanne is, or anyone else around TVP, I can only let you know about some of my experiences with them, from my own perspective. This is super important if you understand it!

Let’s begin:

My experience with TVP left me with a mix of ‘feelings’. If you are in a relationship (married or whatever) for 3-4 years or more and you break apart, then it is nearly impossible to explain to others what went wrong. Sometimes you might be bothered by how your partner responds to your questions, sometimes you feel like you are ignored, at times the partner’s attitude annoys you, and so forth. It is a journey of moments and the cumulation of it all leads to the break up. That’s how I feel about me and TVP and this is why it is so hard to try and explain what lead to the break up of TVPMagazine (and me overall) and TVP. I mainly felt that TVP was always distant from TVPM, never embracing the project, but mainly seeing it as its ‘little brother’ or ‘cousin’, or later on a ‘distant relative’ (or perhaps forgotten relative). 

I’ve been focusing on TVP-like subject many years before knowing about TVP. I had a blog where I was writing about all kinds of similar subjects to TVP: beauty, abundance, monetary system, technology, human behavior, etc..I always ‘hated’ this world seeing how my parents struggle to survive, drowning in huge debts, and others in the world in the same situation. Once I came across TVP through the “Future by Design” documentary and later on Zeitgeist, I realized that a more organized set of solutions for today’s problems is already out there and I thought to help out. So, I contacted TVP multiple times around 2009-2010 offering to make videos, articles, or help with the website. No one got back to me. Later on I worked alone to make a huge series of videos explaining the problems of today’s world and solutions to solve them – they were based on my blog’s articles. I did that because I felt like TVP or TZM were extremely unorganized and no one would understand their direction very well, unless they made a huge presentation of their views: through a huge book, video series, or whatever. The problem was that I was broke and in college. I had a shitty computer and no one to support my views of the world. But I managed to make that series of videos after a long journey that put me through a ton of stress, argues and fights with the others around me, and so on.

That video series was called “TROM: The Reality of Me” because I knew that it was a worldview (a presentation) from my own perspective, my own interpretation, the way that I saw the world. After a year of work and minus 50 Euros budget, I released it and it made a substantial impact online (at least from what I expected before the release). I got hundreds, if not thousands of emails from people saying how much they loved it. I even made a fundraising campaign at the request of other people to raise money to buy a new computer to make TROM again with better voice overs (for the original one I used a text-to-speech at that time since I could not record any voice), and have a proofread script (my main language is Romanian so I had to translate the original TROM into English and I didn’t do a great job at that). I worked for almost another year and made it. So, a two years experience working for free (and mainly alone) on a humongous documentary.

Side note: my family was a ‘normal’ family financially speaking, but normal from Romania means very poor on a worldwide scale. They were full of debts and working like slaves in Spain. Once I went to Spain and saw my father who looked like a skeleton because of so much work, I got scared that things are going from bad to worse, and that was also a reason to make TROM, to ‘scream’ somehow at how fucked up the world is and how many solutions there are.

Ok. Until that moment when I re-created TROM, I worked 100% alone. I made the original tromsite, or any website I needed; I wrote articles, did research for them, translated them, edited videos and audio files, etc.. Now, after the fundraiser for the new computer, I got to work with a few awesome people who recorded voices for TROM, proofread the script, or made the main website better. All of them helped for free. We worked very well together and I was so impressed by that.

After making TROM I contacted TVP again, multiple times, and propose to them to use TROM (or any part of it) as their own stuff/material if they want to. Never got any reply. Somehow I ended up working with them for their Paradise or Oblivion website later on (don’t remember how I go into that), then after other such ‘projects’ for them (providing help here and there), around 2013  I proposed to them to let me manage (that was their blog-like website at that time, with 96% of articles as copy paste from other sources) because I wanted to make TVP a much more detailed set of ideas. I thought that they lacked the details, and I wanted to help bring them to the project. I demoed the new magazine format that I made to Roxanne (something entirely different than a simple blog), she loved it, and I ended up volunteering to work for some 8 months for the magazine.

Stop for a moment. Please understand that all that I’ve done (my main blog, TROM, websites for TVP or other stuff, TVPMagazine, and so many other projects of my own that reached many thousands of people every month) I made them for free. 100% free. No ads, no nothing. Just free. Because of that I had to suffer a lot. Argues with my parents, a ton of stress, and so forth. My family was always poor, mainly living to work to live. And I was financially dependent on them but not making any money myself, so you can see how this situation was stressful for all of us.

Ok. So I reached a point where I could not work without a financial support anymore. Roxanne tried to financially help the magazine here and there, but I needed a steady help to keep on making the magazine.

Another stop. Please understand that I never did anything for money, because I never considered money as important. For me what I do is important and I never wanted to think about money. I can’t emphasize on that enough, but I suppose that making TROM, VideoNeat, other stuff for TVP including the magazine, all for free, are a testimony that I am never seeking for financial gain, only trying to get the basic financial help to allow me to do important projects. So I only need money to be able to keep on doing these projects.

Ok. So I told Roxanne that we need to do a campaign to raise money for me and Ray (who proofread the magazine) to work for a full year for the magazine. Mind you, the work was intense. 6-8 hours a day. No weekends, no holidays. She agreed. We made the campaign. We raised the money. Huge surprise for me! First time that I ever made any money to support myself. I was so happy I can’t describe it, because I knew that now I can focus on the magazine and there will be no more stress for me. I asked as much as to cover my and Ray’s needs for a year. We kept our promise and made the magazine for a year. We grew it. I made a website and created other tools for it (something not included in the campaign as ‘to do” things). The articles became more complex and we increased the reach. The following year we did another campaign and we raised the money and the third year we continued with Patreon (a monthly fundraiser). Every time we discussed with Roxanne about these campaigns, so that she would agree for us to make them and how much money to ask. Financially I was still in a struggle because having money for only the basic needs is not enough. Sometimes you need medicine, clothes, or who knows what, and I rarely had money for those. But it was much better than before. Much, much better! When you do something that you love doing, you don’t care about buying stuff, you care about having the money to keep on doing that what you love. However, for the past year we only got half of the financial support from Patreon and that made the project unsustainable, but the reason for that lack of support has to do with TVP’s attitude towards the magazine as I will explain, and this attitude of them made me want to move away from TVP regardless if we got the entire financial support or not.

In all of this time of managing TVPM (3 years) I felt like the magazine was becoming bigger, better, and more known, but I always felt like it was not part of TVP, despite Roxanne and Jacque being super excited about the project for the first 2 years or so. I felt like it was only TVP’s ‘cool’ project. Like: “Oh, look guys, we have a magazine.” I thought that if we present scientific and well-made articles, they could be part of TVP. Instead of providing simple answers and unsourced ones to people’s questions (see their FAQ), TVP should have used our articles as answers when necessary. How can we automate the world? We had a 260 pages TVPM ebook for that. How can people work without being motivated by money? We had a well-sourced TVPM article on that. How does TVP compare with other systems like socialism or communism? We had a 370 pages TVPM ebook that is very well sourced, unlike an answer of two sentences long based on a wrong interpretation of communism or socialism, or any such ideas, that TVP provides through their FAQ page. 

So it felt like TVP would not incorporate any new ideas into itself. Regardless if those ideas were verifiable or beneficial to the project. I also experienced many weird, nonsensical, and surprising events/situations with TVP, Roxanne, and its teams. I was dragged into endless teams and lists, I came across some very ‘rude’ and egocentric responses from TVP people (I also felt like those managing TVP’s projects knew so little about what they were doing) – not saying all were like that at all, but some were; I saw how TVP is paranoid about people stealing their stuff (photos, videos, whatever) and it looked to me like they spent so much time fighting those who used their materials without their approval, and little to no time encouraging those who wanted to help them. They were like a full blown company from my perspective, from the way they ran the project, to their attitudes. For example I had to sign some papers for whatever reason, to be able to help them out. If TVP smelled like a new and futuristic society from outside, from the inside it smelled like an old library to me. I am sorry but that’s how I felt, to be honest. It is the best way to describe it. But I wanted to bring on some perfume, to try and renovate the walls, and make the books from the library as digital and more accessible to everyone. You can see more details at the bottom of this article about my attempts to revamp (renew) TVP (in my own view and with my own skills), so for now let me talk about the recent events.

Important: make the distinction now between TVP as an idea (rbe, circular cities, a world of abundance, etc.) and TVP as people (Roxanne, Jacque, and their teams). I think TVP is a great set of ideas, not that original in my view and not very detailed, but nevertheless awesome stuff and important!, but TVP people seem to reflect something else from my experience with some of them – the way TVP is organized as an “organization” looked to me way too rocky, unprepared, unorganized, and highly inefficient.

To keep in mind: in the first 2 years or so of the magazine Roxanne was very happy with it. She tried to help us financially when she could; she trusted us over other people when it came to posting stuff on social networks and so forth. We collaborated more than not and you can see that in the emails I attached bellow. I still found them to be paranoid about their stuff, very closed to new and different ideas, and so forth – maybe that’s just my projection, but that’s how it looked to me. But overall we had a good relationship. Though, again, I didn’t see them use the magazine very much, if at all.

So. For the past year or so, TVPM and TVP relationship became colder and colder, to the point of freezing. I always complained to a few close friends about how TVP is run and how it ignores the magazine or about the ridiculous situations I’ve been dragged into over the years, but never online to anyone, except mentioning these to Roxanne multiple times over the years (and at times to their teams when necessary), but it was like talking towards the sky as nothing improved.  This is why for someone from outside it looked like I and TVP had a great relationship, because I tried working with TVP to solve these issues and not making them ‘public’, but after 3-4 years of trying to establish an effective communication path with them, it was enough for me as this attitude didn’t help much at all.

So recently (past year – 2016) they tried to reorganize TVP (again, as they tried that multiple times in the past…) and they took all kinds of decisions behind my back that affected the magazine, and because of that we lost several thousand readers and/or the opportunity to reach more. This made us lose exposure and financial support. I told Roxanne multiple times that their attitude will kill this project eventually, but she did not listen or did anything about it. In May 2016 I started to feel sick and despite going to the hospital more times than I went in my entire life, no test could figure out what I had. Severe indigestion, abdominal pains, fever, chills, lost lots of weight, and so forth (you can read more details here). I struggled with this for 2-3 months. Interestingly in the same period of time the stress with TVP was at the highest peaks. This was the time they cut us off from the Newsletter, they told me that they won’t allow us to post on their social network anymore, they delayed the release of a super important book “The Money Game and Beyond” (370 pages) for which I worked months to finish and they delayed it because of their Choice is Ours documentary in a very unfriendly way (they didn’t even bother to reply to my emails and tell me what is going on….so I was left in limbo some 1-2 months), and sooo on. They blocked us everywhere out of a sudden in a situation in which we were trying to maintain this project with 50% of the financial support we needed. All of that because of NO reason at all. Only their projections as to how they can run TVP as a company (their words) in a better way, and they decided TVPM will not be part of their plan that much. You will see more details at the end of this article.

SO. Since the only explanation for my health issues was the stress as doctors suggested (especially the seborrheic dermatitis that appeared on my face and for which there is no treatment so I have to deal with this for the rest of my life – it is thought this is created by stress and at least intensified by it and I can confirm that this is the case) I said  that I won’t swallow TVP’s stupidity anymore. It was enough for me because the cumulation of stressful situations with them was affecting me physically and in a very bad way that I never thought it could.

STOP. Read! It would be beyond ridiculous to accuse TVP of this, I only accuse myself because I tried to be so patient and helpful with some people who were not willing to change or listen, and I swallowed so many ridiculous situations making me stressed inside.

So after this period of time, I became more vocal and I proposed to Roxanne several ideas to make TVPM financially sustainable (you will see the details bellow), or to make them understand the unnecessary roadblocks they put to the project. I was mainly ignored, if not entirely, yet again. So recently, after some discussions, Roxanne and a few people close to her accused me of not collaborating with TVP for the past years, not taking their suggestions into account, even went so far as to accuse me that I asked money from their own supporters for myself. And Roxanne took the decission to disolve TVPM entirely. I was so surprised I didn’t know what to say.

You need to understand the following:

– I never published something for TVPM (articles, design, etc.) that was not approved by Jacque and Roxanne. They had to approve everything before going public. They had full control over the magazine. I even sent the quiz, or news module we had on for review before making them public.

– I always cooperated with Roxanne and took her suggestions into account. You can see most of the emails between me and Roxanne here (emails about TVPM articles). Decide for yourself if I collaborated or not.

– I was always nice to everyone and always tried to find solutions to our differences or issues. See this example with the newsletter situation in which some people around TVP didn’t take my suggestions into account and because of their actions we lost 80-90% of the readers that came from the newsletter. I proposed a solution and to help with implementing my approach to not lose so many subscribers, but I was ignored, and in a very unfriendly manner. In my experience this attitude was always present in many of TVP’s project coordinators or people close to TVP. Multiply these situations and you can see how this can become stressful. Therefore I always looked for solutions and most of the time I was ‘rejected’ in very unfriendly manners.

– I never asked Roxanne to help the magazine financially. She helped a few times because she wanted to, but we were primarily (or entirely) supported by our readers. I never publicly asked money for TVPM if that wasn’t approved by Roxanne first.

– They put so many roadblocks for the magazine for the past year that they made it unsustainable. For the past year we were not added to TVP’s website as a TVP project, or to blog/news when we released a new issue, we were not allowed to send a separate newsletter for the magazine anymore, and I was told they won’t let us post TVPM memes on their social networks in the near future. All of that for no real reason at all. I asked, I got some answers that were assumptions (like they said companies only send 1 newsletter a month so they should do the same and remove the TVPM one), but more often than not I got no answers at all – a complete mystery to me. We lost more than 50% of our total readers because of that. We were unable to ask for more financial support (they didn’t want that), and overall they did not use the magazine (not recommending it to TVP supporters, not using it to correct or improve TVP, not mentioning it in interviews, and so forth); so they left us without options.

– Lately they accused me of asking money for myself from TVP’s supporters and that I did not cooperate with them very well, despite all of the above, which was extremely strange. Also, they always forgot that the money was split 60% me and 40% Ray (they only accused me of asking money for myself); on top of that I also spent tons of money on hosting, domain, plugins, and so many other stuff for Plus I never made any fundraising campaign without it being approved by Roxanne first. So keep that in mind.

This is one of Roxanne’s last emails to me:

“ Tio,

I want to set up new guidelines for TVPMagazine.

Since I we really do not have any input with the articles you are doing as you have many times rejected what input we gave you and since then we do not make any suggestions because there has been too much resistance when suggestions were given, that it has now become your private venture that you are asking money for from our supporter and under TVP name.  Because of this we are asking that you do not use The Venus Project name any more with the magazine you are producing. It is best that you do your own thing as it has been that for quite a while.  Also we ask that you set up your own advertising on your own Facebook and do not use our Facebook for that any longer. “

This is what Roxanne said only 5-6 months previous to that email, addressing Filip’s comments about TVPM not representing TVP (Filip was in charge of many TVP projects – including the main website):

“Fil I need to talk with you about what you are doing with Tio and the magazine. Both Jacque and I think he does a lot of good to help people understand this direction. He did it in his own way but this is fine. Tio doesn’t have to have that many advertising, but Jacque and I feel he does a good job with the magazine and it is important. I am sorry Fil but TVPMagazine represents TVP. It is his way of describing it but that was ok with both me and Jacque. All people will interpret different aspects their own way – even you. This is only what everyone can do is to describe it as they understand it and Tio does a good service to help others understand certain aspects of Jacque’s work and this direction. Jacque would like TVPMagazing to be listed on our website as a project that TVP endorses. He always wanted that. Jacque and I want to support TVPMagazine. Jacque would like Tio to be able to send a separate news letter for the magazine whenever it is issued even if it does not come out the first of the month. Jacque feels strongly about that and wants to support the magazine. That is the bottom line.“

So what happened in that 5-6 months timeframe for Roxanne to change her attitude that much? I was very sick (as I said) and Ray had to take care of his mother who went through 2 lung cancer surgeries, so we didn’t even release a new issue in 2-3 months time because of these, therefore fewer opportunities for ‘conflict’ because of that. We only released one issue in that timeframe. An article about Luke’s journey across America to spread the word about TVP, and one article on Language that was scientifically accurate presenting how the written language came into existence and how it works today across many languages, and that was part of a series that I explained to Roxanne as follows:

This will become a book, and I think it will be massive but the subject is too complex and people need a brain enema for this subject because it is a religion to most. This first part is huge, and I had more written but I don’t want to overkill with it. When you review it keep in mind that this is only the introduction to the subject, to learn how languages of the world work. It will be crucial for the next parts when we explore mathematics, chemistry, biology, sign language, body language, and then how we can invent a better language.

I went into details here and there because I think that we can’t explain language without exemplifying. The next part will be about the religiosity of language, the context (as I understand now it is the most important aspect of language), looking at new attempts to invent a new language, and more. So the journey is big, fun, and really interesting I say.

Roxanne said Jacque couldn’t read the entire article, and she reached her saturation with it….We talked a bit about it and in the end she decided that I can publish it. As I remember (since we talked over skype messages and not email and  I do not have that conversation anymore) she only said that I could have made the article smaller and that Jacque’s old ‘lectures’ are better. I asked if Jacque’s lectures are about the history of the written language and so forth (what the article was all about), but as usual Roxanne decided to not follow up on the discussion, as she did so many times in the past. I told her that I know about those lectures (I listened to them many times) and I will address some points form there in the next parts of this series as this one is specifically about the written language. From what I can tell they really do not understand language if they could not see such an article as important. You can read it for yourself to decide if this article is important or not, and you can also read the explanation I gave to Roxanne to make sure they understand what this article is all about:

“ Haven’t heard from you since I’ve sent you an email about our meeting (with Filip).

Anyways, the next TVPM is ready but let me explain a little the article on Language that you and Jacque didn’t regard as that important or well done, because I think I failed to explain what I aim to explain with this series:

1. I am trying to first clean people’s heads of language as a religion because in my experience people go crazy when it comes to language – we too at the magazine got a few emails and comments from people being so repealed by ‘grammatical errors’ that we’ve made. So with this first part I wanted to “destroy” this confidence that most people have, and this “trust” in language so that people understand it is not a well thought “thing” but a chaotic and nonsensical one, so they are prepared for changes in language/communication. But in my view this takes a lot of time to do since we’ve all learned “grammar” and language in this erroneous way in schools for 12+ years. It is an ingrained “religion” in most brains.

2. I want to prepare people for the next parts where we explain the most important aspect of any language (I think), and that’s the CONTEXT. The words and syntax, grammar and so on, make little to absolutely no difference. Everything relies in the context. So in this first part I wanted to show how many different grammars are out there, yet in the next I will point that regardless of grammar, human behavior and how we communicate is mainly (if not entirely) created by the environment (the culture – context). In short: it does not make any difference if you speak Chinese or English, you will end up hating black people or understand the world in certain ways due to the environment. Both a Chinese and American can share similar values if they share similar environments, regardless of what language they know.

3. This prepares me to explain to people that if we want a better language with better communication we should first focus on the context, so the saner the context (the society) the better we can communicate regardless of the language. I too use the “sun rises” saying, but I understand a completely different thing from my mother, even if we use the same sentence. The difference relies in the context (what I know about the Sun and how the Earth spins around it). So a society like TVP, I will emphasize, is crucial for a better language/communication.

4. On top of all these I will explain languages like maths, chemistry, programming language, etc., showcasing how those languages are less subject to interpretation (or not at all), not because of the language they use, but because the context there is based on either physical references or just because that context is “respected” by those involved in those fields and so the way they communicate it is an “agreed upon” manner of communication. In other words doctors use many of the words we use on a daily basis but between them these words can mean very different and universal things: from the word “theory” to “heart”.

Hopefully it makes more sense now. I want to explain this very very well in this series but I need to go into details or else there will be no “contexT” for people to get it. 😉

Also, the design for the language series may rely a lot on the words themselves being “designed”, highlighted, so less images there. Anyways, if you want me to change or add anything to the design let me know, if not we can release tomorrow. Let me know if we can send a newsletter for the magazine (I suppose not) or if we can post it on the TVP’s News section.

I don’t remember for Roxanne to ever reply to that email, and Gmail history agrees with that.

So if that’s what bothered them, this article on language, then they failed to communicate it with me and propose changes. However, they approved it for publishing, don’t forget that. Regardless, this is not something Roxanne said in that last email when she accused me to not cooperate with them for “quite a while”, right?

I tried to talk to Roxanne about these issues with the magazine, the roadblocks they put to it, I offered all kinds of solutions, but she wasn’t keen about any of them, except when I proposed that we should better move apart if we are in this situation because what is the point in having a TVP magazine when TVP ignores it completely. Even if Roxanne would add the mag on TVP website right now, and take off those roadblocks, and we will be 100% supported financially, I would not continue with TVP because of so many other reasons that I will detail bellow. However please keep in mind that was Roxanne who finally decided to move apart as that email confirms, not me! I was still trying to find solutions when she slapped me with that email out of nowhere.

I am not ‘upset’ at TVP, I just think they do not know how to manage their project and waste people’s energy and motivation, and theirs too. And this article is pointing these flaws so that others are aware of them, and hopefully someone can fix TVP in that regards.

The main two reasons of why I became more vocal about such things are:

1. Because the stress caused by TVP over the years caused me or intensified many health issues recently that will affect me for the years to come, and I do not want to keep on swallowing stressful situations to make my health worse, so I want to spill them out to not affect me anymore.

2. I want for others to know about my experience with TVP since I kept many ridiculous situations for myself and people wrongly assume that TVP is what they see in “public”. In my experience TVP is very unorganized and interestingly the ‘wrongest’ people end up managing stuff for TVP – and in that sense TVP shots itself in the foot multiple times until it will no longer be able to stand up.

Here you can find all emails between me and Roxane for the past year if you are interested – so that you get the full context of our relationship for the past year and don’t project that I cherry picked stuff to make TVP look bad. These do not include the discussions about TVPM articles that I linked above. As you will see again in these emails Roxanne didn’t follow up on several of my emails/ideas, and this became frustrating in time for me as I felt like talking to myself.

So, here are many of such situations that made me so stressed because of TVP, and these situations led to this break-up (I will add more in time) – this is, of course, my side of the story, but many such situations are based on notes that I took while they were happening, as I was amazed at the ridiculosity of them all, and I also didn’t want to get stressed so much and “letting them out” (writing them down) helped me in that sense:

If these will bore you to death I will resume them as such: I tried to help TVP build a better website for example (their main website), multiple times, because their website was always very poorly made. I make websites for more than 10 years now, I demoed to TVP 3 or so functional websites and fully designed one at the request of Roxanne. All of those for nothing – lost time of my life, many months of wasted work. I tried to help with making videos, I wrote a script for their movie, I suggested many solutions for many of their teams (marketing, social networks, webdev, media team) and I don’t remember for anyone to ever listen much at all – and even if they seemed to listen, nothing happened; I proposed a new financing model for TVP to increase their revenue and also make their stuff cheaper for more to afford them, and I was ignored by Roxanne even if I tried to propose this change in detail; I always tried to come up with ideas, suggestions, and solutions, and almost every time their responses were either none at all, or super slow and fading out into the abyss. Interestingly I continued and continue to make websites (see,,, videos (TROM Documentary, TROM Series), and manage a big project like TROM and teams for TROM. So I do stuff, I’m not merely talking. I can, and I do stuff. Though that wasn’t possible working with TVP. Unfortunately!

The following are random ‘events’ and the only reason I tried to provide details is for you to try and put in my shoes when I tried desperately to help TVP with so many things and my time was wasted.

Make sure you click all tabs bellow:

A year or so ago I and a friend worked like crazy to take all of the youtube adn vimeo videos with TVP (interviews, tours, press conferences, etc.) and coalesced them all into a single youtube channel here

My friend had to merge many such clips into one as many were uploaded in parts on youtube, changed the resolution for some, and so forth. So he worked a lot. He had nothing to do with TVP teams yet he helped doing this massive task in only 1-2 weeks or so – something I know many TVP teams tried to do for years. Since no one cared, he lost his interest like almost everyone I knew trying to help TVP, did. We shared this with TVP, Roxanne,  and its teams several times, but from what I can tell no one was that interested or took advantage of it.

So, another failed attempt to organize TVP…
This book was the most interesting to write and deal with and I’ll briefly summarize why. But also a very important book that now stands at the core of TROM project (of course after I removed the TVP footprint from it as I will explain in a bit).

TVP’s main proposal is to move to a different kind of system than today’s monetary system. But I think that proposing to change the monetary system you should explain in detail why the monetary system doesn’t work and why your alternative is better. And because I never came across this kind of explanation from TVP I said to take the challenge and explain how the monetary system works (and what it is) and how it differs from TVP.

First part was about how the monetary system works and Roxanne and Jacque thought it was an excellent article, though they missed some key errors in the article about how money is created, errors spotted by Ray while reviewing the article one more time. Anyways, the next parts were very interested. Here’s why:

TVP always promoted its ideas as bold, new, nothing like other systems that were before like communism or socialism, and so on. I never cared about TVP being original or not, that’s not the point when what you seem to want is to help the world, right? But while researching for what ideas were proposed for the past 200 or so years in regards to organizing societies, I quickly realized that socialism and communism were so similar to TVP. They too proposed no social classes, no leaders, no private property and money, no countries, even went as far as saying that people should have more leisure time and let the machines do more of the work. They talk a bit about family values and how the infrastructure should be built in a way that changes people’s behavior because as they said behavior is created by the environment….and so much more. I said, hold on….TVP doesn’t shy away from slapping communism when they have the opportunity, saying that it is nothing like TVP as it has armies and police, leader, uses money, and so forth. And this made me question TVP’s ability to know stuff. How can they be so wrong about a subject that so many are question TVP about? And is no wonder why they are questioning how TVP differs from communism knowing these.

I too was one of the TVP’s ‘evangelists’ who said like a broken record to those people who were wondering about the difference between TVP and communism, that TVP is different because “communism uses money, has armies, leaders,…”. And I was so wrong because I took TVP for granted in that aspect.

In TVP’s defense, they are right about the communism that was being applied to various tribes for the past 100 years, like China, Romania, and so on, as these stole the original ideas of communism, but only applied the name to themselves. But is like a self sustainable community will call itself TVP, being inspired by TVP, yet not projecting TVP’s values…I bet TVP would sue them! 🙂 – In that regards Karl Marx would sue TVP by misrepresenting communism. 🙂

Ok, so I got stuck while researching these ideas like communism and socialism because I was starting to doubt TVP – its ability to know, its ‘egocentrism’, its ‘evangelism’. Am I the only one to take the hat off my eyes and see where TVP was wrong?

Let me be clear, I give no fucks that TVP is similar to communism, but why hide that? Or why not be aware of that when so many tell you so? Are you really so blinded by following TVP that you can’t accept any criticism, you TVP activist or whatever you are? And if you, whoever you are (R&J). TVPActivist, or TVPFollower) got this one wrong because you just listened to TVP, how many other information did you get wrong just because TVP told you!? Research for yourself never blindly follow anyone!

Anyways! I presented communism and socialism and a few other ideas for what they were, sent that part of the book to Roxanne, and she didn’t react that much to it except saying that we need to present solutions and not leave people in mid air with this part. So for one, why didn’t she say anything about the similarity between TVP and the others? And second this was a presentation of history and I told her the next part will be about presenting TVP as a solution, but I sent her a big email asking her about why they misinterpreted communism and socialism as such on their website and in general. I kindly suggested to them that they can make things more clear and say that communism was a great set of ideas but the implementation of it was a totally different thing, or something along these lines. I got no reply….

I didn’t insist with this because at this point I was very accustomed with TVP ignoring what they found uncomfortable to answer.
I wish that was it all, but not!

In the second part of the book I presented other such ideas of organizing society: Metabolism in Japan, Bucky Fuller, Technocracy, project Cybersyn, and so forth. And guess what….even more similarities with TVP: from the infrastructure (cities in the sea, modular buildings, dome homes, etc.) to ideals (let the society be run by computers not humans, let scientists decide not politicians, let’s alleviate conflicts by making cities in the sea, let’s use dome shaped homes because are easy to build and efficient, automation is replacing jobs and we need a restructuration of society, etc.). It was almost like TVP copied all of these ideas and put them into one.
Again, keep in mind, I give no fucks about this! as it matters if these ideas are valid and how we can apply them for creating a better society, but TVP is quite annoyed when people try to measure it against any such ideas, yet they are very similar. So similar that after writing this part and arriving at presenting TVP, I did not know what to say about TVP being different from all of these….I went through 2-3 weeks of complete confusion because of this. I wanted to give up at finishing this book because I just could not finish it up with TVP being “so bold and different”.

I contacted Roxanne and asked to send me everything they have about TVP, any materials. She told me to read The Best that Money Can’t Buy, that I have read many times…I said I want more, I want to make a biography of Jacque, what inspired him, what is the research based upon, and so forth. I asked them to have a chat over skype with me as I have some questions for them, if not let’s do it by email. Roxanne briefly said she does not have the time. 🙁

So I had to basically think of TVP in terms of TVPM and say that we have a way more detailed plan than the others, due to the many TVPM books that I wrote. And then go with the faith and say that Jacque has the blueprints (I have no idea if that’s true or how relevant they are) and that he is so knowledgeable. Sure Jacque may have way more designs than the others, and goes in more details here and there, but fundamentally TVP is not different from the other systems that I presented in that book, at least from what I found online about TVP, and I saw all of the interviews and lectures and read everything (I think) multiple times.

As an example of forcing TVP into the picture through TVPM: what I think the other ideas lacked was to define what they mean by “abundance” when they proposed it, and I said that TVP does a great deal in doing that. However that was true for TVPM, not TVP. But since I considered both as one, then I saw TVP different in that regards. Or when I said that compared to the others TVP is very active today producing many new materials to explore solutions for today’s world, but that was true because of the magazine primarily. What new stuff did TVP produce for the past 10 years?
Again, please understand that I do not care about who said something first, but TVP does and TVP wanted for me to present IT as the solution. But they did not force me to write those things, and I didn’t lie, but I forced TVP into the picture assuming they have the blueprints, assuming Jacque indeed made experiments to prove TVP’s concepts, and assuming TVPM was TVP.

TVP is a great set of ideas regardless of who inspired or not Jacque. And for the last time I give no fucks about this, but I strongly think TVP gives lots of fucks and that’s sad and weird.

Roxanne thought I didn’t present TVP very well in this last part of the book and I asked her for details on that – but it is ironic since (remember) I asked them to spend a few hours and answer me a few questions about TVP and send me everything they have about the project and they refused. I managed to contact the representative of Technocracy and ask him several questions, but wasn’t able to contact TVP for that for their own magazine. Ridiculous. They did approve all the book for publishing though.

One more thing. Roxanne was very vocal about the second part of the book (with communism and socialism) because I didn’t present TVP as a solution and I left people in mid air as she said. Then I promised her the next part will be about this, but I realized I need to present the other ideas as well like Technocracy and so forth, so I realized that we need another part before the solution one. But I said ok, I promised to Roxanne that the next part will include the solutions, so I worked in one month to write 2 huge parts, one containing the solutions. I worked in a month as much as I would have worked in two. So exhausting. Then sent the issue for approval and proofreading and TVP forgot about me for almost 2 months….I was sending emails and messages like crazy, and no responses….I thought they were kidnapped by aliens or the government :)). But it was super frustrating for me because I worked like crazy to speed up the release becasue Roxanne wanted that, and now they were nowhere to found. Later on I found out from them that they were busy with their new The Choice is Ours documentary….but why in the freakin’ world didn’t they tell me that sooner!?

Can you imagine building a super important book (370 pages) in this situation that I just described, then when to release it to be ignored in such a way!? If people wonder why I don’t want to work with TVP anymore, here’s my answer.

Nevertheless the book was very well sourced, very accurate, and super important, despite forcing TVP into the picture. Now I removed TVP from there and made the book better. You can find it at

Oh, I almost forgot. After they got back to me and we managed to release the book I wanted to send a newsletter as we did thus far, and I talked with one of the guys in charge with TVP’s website. He said that we need to make a responsive template for TVPM to send newsletter. I and another friend worked on that quickly and in 1 day we made the template. We sent it to the guy. The guy was like: it’s all good. Then in a few hours the guy was like: the other guy (Filip) 🙂 said “It’s not going to happen.” So we were not allowed by Filip to send a newsletter for the magazine with the new book because apparently they changed that in the meantime and decided without consulting with me, that they will only send a monthly newsletter, and not one for TVPM when we release an issue. Trying to talk to Filip he said that TVPM is my project and does not represent TVP. He compared us with TZM. Roxanne sent him an email completely disagreeing with him….but as you can see these are the situations I had to face all the time. More to this, when I asked to publish the magazine to their blog/news so that visitors know about the release, it was complete silence…even when I propose that I’ll do it myself if I have access to the website. Silence….as always. Ignored.

One more (I promise): I eventually accepted the one newsletter per month idea. They asked me for a short text to present the TVPM book in the monthly newsletter. I made the text, it was proofread by Ray. Two small paragraphs. They decided to shorten it without consulting with me, removed a short sentence where we mentioned the huge quiz (hundreds of questions) that we just released, and sent the newsletter. Nice folks…
For the past years I’ve been trying to promote TVPM by making original memes for and from our articles. I posted 3-4 images or more a day, every day for the past years. I’ve been through a plethora of stupid situation here as well, let me briefly mention them:
At one point I’ve been told by the TVP’s social media manager (SMM) that I post too many photos and it is an overkill. I asked why he/she thinks that and he/she gave no answer. Later on he/she concluded that we must post a lot of posts a day because that’s what major FB pages do. What!? Form that to this!? And based on what!? Ironically I ended up telling her/him to not post 3-4 posts in 10 minutes interval because he/she started to do that and as I showed her/him the engagement for these posts is always very low. So he/she was the “manager” but he/she had no clue about managing a social network it seems, changing her mind 180 degrees in a matter of weeks. That’s a brief example of the many moments that I had to face and that consumed me bit by bit.

At one point I made an article for TVPM explaining how social media works with a focus on FB (I did my research, and I exported tons of statistics from TVP FB page for accuracy) yet when I asked her/him to contribute and review that article and learn from it I was, again, wait for it, ignored. That article could have been extremely important for anyone trying to manage Facebook pages yet I doubt it was ever used by anyone who tried to manage the TVP FB’s page. So even if I made an article that was helpful for the Social Media, the TVP’s social media was….well, in a coma.

Speaking of that article I did about FB showcasing how FB is a business and a ‘scam’, I was told by Roxanne to stop promoting that post on TVP’s FB page because TVP works with some people that work for FB….no clue….but I had to accept and censor. Btw this article was, as with all TVPM articles, approved by Roxanne for posting. I loved the idea of TVP being bold when I first heard about them and giving no shit for anything but science and facts, so such situations were so strange to me and disappointing.

TVP SMM removed several of TVPM FB posts based on her/his own subjective opinion like: we can’t post that bullshit on TVP FB’s page. Yeah those were her/his words. I had to go through a ton of discussions with her/him and Roxanne so that Roxanne could make her/him aware to not ever remove my posts, posts from TVPM that was reviewed by Jacque and Roxanne. So this ‘manager’ tried to project what is best for TVP to post and what not even for TVPM that was approved by J&R.

TVP SMM wanted for me to also stop posting things that may be ‘offensive’ to TVP followers. Again I thought that I ended up in a political party.

TVP Social Media team bans words like “fuck, TZM, god…” and so on. So, if anyone posts anything containing those words on their FB page, their comment automatically gets hidden. Sure you may need some moderation but c’mon TVP what the heck are you a political party? Leave people to comment whatever the heck they want to and make sure you are there to answer their questions as I was for such a long time, trying to reply to everyone in a nice and detailed way. I had to unhide so many such comments that were like: “That’s so fucking awesome!” because they used the word “fuck”…

For the past years TVP Social Media claimed to be a thing, however the vast majority of FB posts were from me about TVPM, and rest were mostly recycled TVP content. But more than that I ended up fully managing Twitter and GPlus for the past 2 years, and Instagram for several months. ALONE. All alone because no one cared about them. In a situation in which I had to manage GPlus, Twitter and FB for TROM and VideoNeat, other 2 of my free projects.

I bought a hootsuite account at one point, for which I paid so that we could better manage all of these social network accounts. It was rarely used by TVP, except for me. And for the past year was almost not used at all by TVP. But despite paying for it and asking them to use it, a few months ago I get an email from Roxanne telling me to please give access to the girl/guy in charge with Social media team (same creature I’ve been talking for so long here) because he/she asked me so many times in the past to give her/him access and I refused to do so. Are these people joking or being trolls intentionally!?

I’ve been told several times to send the memes I make to their social media team to check for grammatical errors, even if I explained so many times that these memes are proofread already. They have copy-pasted text from the magazine! But, well, they asked again. As if I was a ghost and no one heard me…..

At one point the one managing Instagram disappeared out of a sudden. I was the only one asking left and right where is he/she. Weeks have passed and no one replied to me at all…I took the lead and changed the Instagram password so that we make sure the account wasn’t hacked and I managed Instagram for 3 or more months. Social media team was a disaster in that situation. Complete lack of interest.

And let me mention again: I managed TVP’s Google Plus and Twitter for the past 2 years 100% alone and told them to help with that, and no one heard me. By this time I was so sure i’m a ghost that I tried to walk through walls just to make sure … :))
I am bored myself at this point writing about all of these situations with TVP so I’ll try to be brief with this one. Out of kinda nowhere a few months ago Roxanne proposed me that would be great to move TVPMagazine to TVP’s website. In the past I told Roxanne to let me manage the main website and to let me build it because TVP’s website sucked big time (not mobile friendly, crowded, bugs, etc.). But as you can read in other ‘tabs’ here I was unsuccessful with this many times over. I could have built TVPM directly into TVP’s website from the beginning but well…

Anyways, they were trying to restructure TVP again (what they tried multiple times) and one of their decisions was to channel everything through TVP. So they wanted the magazine to be on TVP’s websites and all links to go there. They even said they won’t let us post promotional images for the magazine on their social networks unless we move to TVP’s website. But their proposal was from an ignorant perspective, not knowing what is for and how it works. The best I could explain to Roxanne is that is like moving a house into another house. That meant breaking apart (a website that I worked for years and that was optimized for any screen and was custom made) and add parts of it (the issues mainly) to a TVP website that was poorly made. I even said that she has doubts to give me an hour on skype and I’ll explain to her everything in detail. After many discussions on the topic, with me trying to understand what they want and to explain to them how impossible this move is, I was asked to talk to Filip who was in charge with these new changes for TVP. I asked for Roxanne to take part of this conversation. She accepted. In the meeting Filip’s decision was now to not add TVPM at all to TVP’s website, not even as a TVP Project….see the confusion? Because I feel it.

He also said many surprising things like this is not TVP’s project but Tio’s project; before that he told me on skype that TVPM is like TZM and is not TVP….So such people are managing stuff for TVP, people who had these opinions about TVPM…how in the world does this happen?!

Anyways please listen to our meeting’s recording and draw your own conclusions: PLAY

I felt like Roxanne was very ‘pro-magazine’ at this meeting, and that she didn’t get along with Filip’s views much at all, so I wondered even more why people like Filip end up managing TVP’s projects if their views were so different in many regards. Please, don’t think that I am attacking Filip. I am not. I don’t know him, I am talking only about the situation itself. After this discussion I felt like Roxanne and us at the magazine will get to have a better relationship, especially after Filip left TVP entirely a few days after this conversation, but this wasn’t the case as this article explains.

For the past year it was very confusing to me to see Roxanne changing her attitude towards the magazine many times. From telling us that we can’t send a newsletter for the magazine or post on TVP’s social networks, to say that the magazine is very important, and so on. But in a way I understand her and I always told that to her, because she has to deal with many opinions from many sources.
A while ago there was a guy (Colin) who was writing for TVPM quite a lot, more than anyone else who wanted to help out with articles. He made a few interesting articles, but then he submitted one about meat consumption saying from the get-go that he is a vegan and he made this article from his vegan perspective. I didn’t care about that, only the article though, but it became apparent later on that there was a bias in the article.

The article was full of non-scientific claims, and I won’t even go into details because is pointless and I don’t have the original article anyway (he deleted it as I remember, or made it private) where I showcased to him in detail where the non-scientific aspects were. This is the original article that he posted on his website

I spent almost 3 months discussing with him over his article, reading all of the sources he provided, watched documentaries and videos he sourced, and so forth, but it was not a scientific article unfortunately. Just as a small example, he used Cowspiracy as his source for some of the claims, but this documentary has been criticized many times to have relied on sources that are not ‘peer reviewed’. For sure the consumption of livestock is a huge issue and I didn’t realize the extent until Colin wrote this article and I had to ‘investigate’ the matter, but let’s present it in a scientific manner – no point in inventing statistics and claims when there is enough scientific data that’ll do the job.

Anyways, so the article was very unscientific relying on shaddy claims and a ton of assumptions, and I provided a detailed review, sentence by sentence almost, for it all. Later on Colin agreed to rewrite the article and take my notes into consideration. I was super happy, but then when he sent the new article it was pretty much the same article he sent before….and I told him that I am not going to review it again and say the same things again. I proved to him beyond any shadow of doubt where many of his claims were dishonest and not scientific. But because I thought this is a super important subject to discuss I told him that I will write a version of that article from my own perspective and based on scientific facts and I will send it to him for review and for suggestions. I did that, sent to him, and he was very put off by it all. No reason other than an emotional one. He sent me several messages while the entire story was unfolding telling me that I do not care about planet Earth and I need to act now….and so on. He was very emotionally attached on this subject, and this is something he said many times, but that made him (I think) prone to mistakes. Anyways, I need to mention again, I am not attacking Colin at all, but I needed to present that for what will follow now:

Colin sent the article to J&R first, and usually all articles were sent to me first to review them as J&R didn’t have the time for that. He was also in touch with J&R for a while. So J&R approved the article for publishing and they thought it was a “very good article”. A suite of conversations between all of us happened in this period of time, and I saw J&R how unable they were to verify facts – they were ping ponged between me and Colin, sometimes trusting me, sometimes Colin….and could not make up their minds. That was a proof at how vulnerable they are when it comes to verifying facts. For sure they do not have the time to go through such articles and verify the claims, but just keep this aspect in mind.

Roxanne was also very put off by the fact that I re-wrote that article….and I never understood why. I only tried to present that important subject from a more scientific perspective after Colin failed to do so. I even told them I can publish using Colin’s name if they want that as I never cared to be ‘mentioned’ as an author…for me the subject is always the most important one, not who talks or writes about it.

In the end I told Roxanne that if they don’t agree to publish my version of the article in TVPM then I’ll publish it on my blog and that’s that, but I won’t publish Colin’s article as I am not going to make TVPM a pseudoscience magazine that then I have to deal with the backlash for it and overall mess up the magazine’s reputation. I would have, for sure, made another article “debunking” Colin’s article if they ‘forced’ me to publish it anyway :).

But this entire story that lasted a few months taught me that I can’t rely on J&R to ever check any facts for any article.
Roxanne contacted me at one point to ask if I can help make a script for their big budget movie. I was super excited and I said I will give it a try! Even if it just so happened that I didn’t have an internet connection for a week or so because of some reasons, I managed to work on it. They wanted a script for a movie that would be appealing to the masses. I thought of adding some drama and mystery and in 2 weeks I managed to make something. I rushed to send them the script as soon as possible because Roxanne told me that they would appreciate if I send  something to them in a week or two as I remember. This is the script if you want to read it 🙂

I enthusiastically sent the script to Roxanne but I got no feedback for a couple of days….they really have to work on this because is very unfriendly to ask something from someone to do for free and then they do the thing, send it to you, and you don’t reply. At least say: I received your script and we will get back to you in 3-4 days. Or we are busy….but say something. Anyways, they replied after a few days time with a very simple and unsatisfactory feedback. Something like “this is not the direction we would want for the movie but there are many good ideas in there”. So that’s how that story ended. I will become like a broken record but understand that I don’t accuse Roxanne of anything, but when people struggle to do stuff for you at lease please take some time and focus on what they are doing. TVP is very un-motivational from this perspective. VERY!

Later on they shared a script with me that someone else made for them (a script producer…writer…not sure) and I can only say that I was deeply disappointed. But won’t say more than that. I told that to Roxanne in a bigger feedback than she sent me for my script.
Anyways…I wonder though if they managed to make the script as I remember in 2011-2012 Roxanne was saying that they are so close to finish it up. It is almost 2017….I really wish they could do the script by now. I really do!
This one is short but interesting. I always sent statistics for the mag to Roxanne, for every issue: unique readers, time spent on the mag, and so forth. However they never had statistics for their main website and I asked them so many times, even recently, and they said the stats don’t work properly. Same answer I got in 2013. So if TVP has a web development team, why not foxing this minor issue?

What was interesting while sending the stats to Roxanne was how disappointed she was when we dropped in views. Almost like views were the most important factor for the magazine.
Recently I propose to Roxanne a detailed plan of  changing their financing model to better help themselves, the magazine, and other projects, plus allow more people to buy their materials as it would have reduced the costs of their materials. I did that after I asked her if I should bother with that proposal, and she said I can tell her about it. But she gave me no feedback to my proposal. In short my proposal was about making all of TVP’s materials digital – books, dvd’s and cd’s. And offer them as a subscription plan ($5 a month). I also proposed to extract a winner out of those subscribers each month for a free tour and make new TVPM issues a week available in advance for the subscribers on TVP’s website. I had to remind her later on to respond to my proposal and she did very briefly like “we can’t do this right now”…but I also wanted to know how much money they make a month to know how to approach this and much more. She was completely disengaged.

I even tried to make their “The best that money can’t buy” book in the magazine’s format so that they can sell it digitally so that people don’t pay lots of money on the transport when they buy it physically. It took me a while to convince Roxanne to let me try that, but again Roxanne lost her interest.
I tried several times to create a comic book depicting life in the future based on TVP’s ideas and designs. But from what I got from them, they do not like cartoonish ‘things’ so it was a failure and something I wasn’t able to even start. Even if Roxanne said at one point that I can give it a try, later on she wasn’t sure Jacque would want his designs to be ‘cartoonized”… these answers that you can’t make sense if they are a yes or a no, was something I had to deal with TVP for years, and it gets stressful after a while because you are always confused as to what they want or do not want.
TVP had a newsletter system that was broken since I first saw it in 2012. It didn’t have a captcha nor a confirmation for subscription, making any spam-bot able to sign up thousands of times. I told them that several times in the past, but again I was being ignored (their best quality). Later on the guy in charge to sending the newsletter to about 250,000 subscriber list (most of which I always suspected are not real subscriptions due to that flaw in the subscription form) stopped dealing with the newsletter and I had to take over that process and send the newsletter for TVPM, even if I was not familiar with Joomla (the ‘thing’ the main website was built on). I told them to build the website on WordPress several times as I could help with building and managing it, but they ignored that as well. Now I had to adapt to Joomla to send out the newsletter. I even ended up being the one who sent newsletters for TVP, not only TVPM.

Anyways after a while, new people in charge with the website decided that the list, guess what, is indeed made up of many non-human subscribers and said they had to sort that out somehow. Pause for a moment because this is important: since TVP had such a huge newsletter list it required a big expensive server for them to send out the emails to all of those. Interestingly it is super expensive to send out newsletters (server-wise). So a part of what TVP paid for the sever was to send emails to no one. But the way they tried to sort this out brought me again in a stupid and nonsensical situation with TVP as follows:

When they decided to do that, it was exactly when we had to ask money again for yearly donations for the magazine, and so this break, this inability to send out a newsletter in this period of time was affecting the magazine a lot. Anyways, using some sorting methods the TVP folks ended up with a list of some 13,000 subscribers out of 250,000. They reduced the list in the past for several times and I have the bad habit at looking at the data and what I saw was that every time they reduced the list they also reduced the engagement for the newsletter. Meaning: list shorter, fewer people got the message. I thought for sure they must do something wrong because that ‘good’ list of 13,000 or so was bringing about 300 people to the magazine while a few months ago, that huge and ugly list brought about some 2-3 thousand readers. HUGE difference.

Because we dropped so hugely in readers due to this new newsletter list I decided to try and help them because here’s what they did to ‘fix’ that list: their server was compromised and was recognized by many email clients as a SPAM sever. Meaning: when they sent you a newsletter the Gmail server recognized as SPAM and the email ended up in your SPAM folder. HOWEVER, they decided to send a confirmation email to the ugly list so that only those who subscribe/confirm again their subscription, will become the good list. That’s how they ended up with 13,000 from 250,000. BUT what I tried to explain is that it is naive to use an already compromised server to try and reach the 250,000 list to build a new one out of them since most of these emails will end up in spam as always. So I proposed to take all of the 250,000 subscribers and import them to an external server for mailing, like MailChimp, to make sure that when they send the confirmation email it reaches most of those people. Quite logical, isn’t it? But again I was either ignored (completely) or they tried to tell me that I do not understand how newsletters work, or that it is too expensive. I talked to Roxanne and she was ready to pay for such a thing as she thought it was a ‘great’ idea. I asked TVP folks why my idea is not good, and I got no reply. So, nothing happened, as usual.

Actually one of these TVP folks sent me an email calling me ‘desperate’ because I insisted to take my idea into account, and he told me he will ignore any of my emails from now on. Ha!? :)) I was so surprised, I just tried to help, at least they could have give me some info as to why my proposal may not work. Later on the same guy apologized for his email. Ok, I said, np. And I moved on. Here’s part of that conversation (pdf).
Some 3-4 years ago TVP was paying, as far as I remember, over 150$ a month for their server to host a website that was much more simple than many of the websites I had and I was paying 120$ a YEAR for them all. After some discussions trying to propose to them better alternatives and being told that I was wrong as I don’t understand why they need these expensive servers, they indeed did that and reduced the cost by a lot. But again, if my memory doesn’t cheat on me 🙂 their attitude and response was not like: “hm, interesting, ok let’s look into how to reduce costs for TVP.” – So, again, a situation in which I tried to help TVP and I was ‘dismissed’ in a very ‘rude’ way, only to later on implement a solution similar to what I proposed. Classic TVP scenarios from my experience.
When I asked money for TVPM (campaign approved by Roxanne) to keep on making TVPM for another year, I kept my promise 100% like with all the projects I’ve done. But now I had to ask again for another year and I got a huge message from a TVP guy (Saso) telling me that he does not agree with the campaign and that the money could be spent in a better way and that he won’t support the campaign. Mind you all of these campaigns were first approved by Roxanne, I didn’t just go bananas and ask for money for TVPM. So he said that we could better use the money to make a documentary about Jacque, a documentary someone else was working on and I even helped with making the website for the upcoming documentary. But TVPM is TVPM, who is there to decide that instead of TVPM let’s raise money for another project!? As I told him I wanted to give TVPM readers the opportunity to keep this project alive: if they do that then ok, we will keep on going, if not we will stop. As simple as that. He also said that if we don’t raise all money then it looks ‘bad’ for TVP…weird.

He (and others) also came with ‘solutions’ to reduce the magazine size or how often we release it in order to ask for less money, not knowing anything about how we work for the magazine. This reminded me that some TVP people in the past told me the same: to make the magazine no more than 30 pages long and release it every 3 months or so…. What the fuck is that? :)) Do you release a magazine for the sake of releasing a magazine!? I guess that’s how many people think, but TVPM was the other way around: we released it because we had to present many important subjects that are not limited by pages or sundays :). Weird way of looking at things….

Anyhow because of this new campaign I then got an email from Roxanne (or several emails) asking if I can reduce the cost for the magazine. I made her a list of my spendings (how much I pay for my rent, electricity, food, etc. – not that she asked for) to show her that the money I ask merely allow me to survive and be able to focus on the magazine, but do nothing more than that + I also pay for services for the magazine. But then she said that some people complained to her that I want to do something “extravagant” (the exact word) with the money. I just couldn’t stop laughing. I had to call some friends to tell them about that because it was so hilarious considering I barely had money to buy a new pair of shoes and I was working non stop for the magazine. Roxanne seemed to not agree with such views from those people though. And I always appreciated that, though I suspect in the end such opinions from people like Saso had an impact on her attitude towards the magazine. She denies that, but I find it hard to believed that if some people who visit you regularly or are so close to you have such distorted views about the magazine, that won’t influence your views at all. Anyways.

All in all, such reactions from people close to TVP are very ‘interesting’ because they never, as I remember, asked me how we work for the magazine or any details in that regards, so they always projected what we do with the money, even if I always tried to be transparent and even made a few articles for TVPM explaining where the money goes, but as I later on found out several such people close to TVP never even read the magazine (3 years of making it and not reading one issue), yet they came up with ‘proposals’ for how to run it. Not productive.
‘Some’ TVP people complained that TVPM articles are not connected with TVP. Though check all articles to see that all are connected with TVP. I guess they feel the need to repeat the same things over and over again for all articles like : TVP proposes an alternative….bla bla bla. Which is redundant.

Also, as I explained to them so many times, TVP from TVPMagazine stands for “The Venus Project”, plus 99% of our readers came from TVP (social networks or newsletter). So why do we have to even explain that these articles are connected with TVP? But more to the point: shouldn’t TVP be about science? Why should it matter if I mention TVP when I talk about how we can automate the entire world, or how language works?

Roxanne asked me several times to add Jacque’s quotes to articles, and it really felt uncomfortable because it sounds wrong from a scientific perspective. If you ever read my articles you will see that I  avoid mentioning people’s names when I quote them. I say “this guy said…..” and I link to the word “this guy” to a wiki page about “that guy” :). I say “this guy said this”, without telling who that guy is, because in my view it matters what people did or what they said not who they are. It sounds so cultish to say: As Jacque says: “An intelligent engineer in the 1920s could not understand today’s technology”. Why not just say that without mentioning Jacque!? I made those views of mine clear to Roxanne, but nevertheless in the end I did as she said. I accepted her suggestions.

Later on Roxanne started to say too that I did not tie the articles to TVP. If that was the case then she should have spent the time fixing that as she was always welcomed to make any suggestions. But I guess you can read the articles and judge for yourself if they were connected or not with TVP.
In January 2016 they announced a ‘huge’ interview with Anonymous group that had over 4 million followers on Facebook. Great I said! Even if that group is full of pseudoscience is good to have such an exposure.  I listened to the interview and aside the fact that I honestly thought that the TVP guy (Saso) didn’t explain TVP well at all in my view and also in many commentators’ view, when asked where people can find more info about TVP and how people can get involved he spent a lot of time mentioning this or that and the other, yet not once mentioning by far the most active (or the only one) TVP project, the magazine. The only project where you could get involved by writing articles, help with the website, help create new tools, etc.. How come did he forget about the most active TVP project? The one who produced thousands of pages to explain things that TVP should have explained many years ago. Oh, guess what, this guy is the same guy who complained about TVPM campaign…Then later on went bonkers and accused me of taking advantage of TVP to gain followers to make money for myself and so on….Weird.  Anyways, I sent a message  to Roxanne asking if this guy represents TVP or himself since TVPM is still an official TVP project and he never even mentioned it in the interview. Roxanne told me that she told him many times to mention the magazine in interviews.

I told Roxanne that if they have a future interview I would like to give it a try so I can (maybe) better explain what TVP is. Roxanne said that she will put me next for an interview.

After a few days they had another interview with another Anonymous group. I wasn’t asked to go for the interview. The same guy went plus another TVP human :). Same happened as before where they forgot about the magazine’s existence, though this time the magazine was only mentioned by the other human 🙂 when they said people can donate to the TVP research center, the magazine, etc.. I mean, wtf 🙂 that’s the reason to mention the magazine that people can donate to it even if no one knows what you are talking about? 🙂
I mentioned these details because that was the song for the past years: they always forgot about the magazine in interviews and even on tours. I was interested in TVP so I listened to all interviews and I saw so many tours posted online, and I don’t think I ever heard them mentioning the magazine, yet they mentioned other projects. This was something that bothered me for a long time and despite being vocal about it, nothing changed. And, in the end, why do I have to insist on this!? Do I have to tell TVP to mention their magazine in interviews or recommend it on their tours?!
Some years ago TVP said it is going to release a new documentary, Paradise or Oblivion, and they need a website for that. I said I can do it and I brought the guy who helped with to help with this as well. I did the design, he did the rest, as with tromsite. I got in contact with Roxanne for the first time for this website. But I also got to see how TVP works in general, the “behind the scenes” :). First was when they tried to release the documentary and they didn’t know much about how to put this documentary out and I helped them with putting it on torrents; they also looked rocky at adding subtitles on the DVD they made and I was wondering why not just stream it, why sell a DVD… Just some thoughts inside my head at that time. I also didn’t understand why they chose such a name for the documentary as it sounded too dramatic.

Watching the documentary was my first TVP disappointment because I realized it is mainly about segments of old TVP footage added together. I did the same for TROM, the RBE part, and it was twice as long and in my view many times more relevant, and I didn’t understand why they didn’t consider using that part as their official documentary instead of making a new one again that was basically similar to that part of TROM from that perspective. I was also a bit disappointed when at one point Roxanne told me to remake that part of TROM (the RBE one) and add TVP’s watermark on the designs I used. I refused to do that though. Btw, I gave credits for all the stuff I used in TROM at since the beginning.

Here’s the thing: I saw TVP as this neutral ‘thing’ that doesn’t care about such things like watermarks, or put so much emphasis on little details like the music for their documentary, or details of their website (use this font, not the other one, etc.), or it looked to me that they just emphasized these minor things instead of focusing on the content. For me content is the king. This didn’t look to be the case for TVP and I first experienced that with the Paradise or Oblivion release, then later on when I tried to help make a better main website for them. But anyways, I moved on, as I was only focused to try and help them.
A period of not so great experience with TVP followed in 2012 in which I tried to help with rebuilding the website but I was turned down based on subjective reasons and sometimes in ‘rude’ ways. I was told by those in charge with the website at that time to just accept that my suggestions are not taken into account because ‘they’, or ‘he’ is the coordinator(s). I am never angry or put off by people saying ‘bad’ words to me, but I was just very surprised that this happens inside TVP. I contacted Roxanne and after many discussions she agreed to let me redesign the entire TVP website. This was a big deal in my view because people will come in contact with TVP through such media/online ‘tools’, so they need good tools to make sure TVP is properly presented.

So, I worked for several months redesigning the entire website in great detail: I even made designs for mobile use (something not so popular at that time, but I did it to prepare it for the future), I provided them with all the images I used (optimized), colors I used, fonts, PSD project files, and so on. It was the most professional website I designed until then. You can still see the entire project here.
Roxanne loved the design but then those supposedly in charge of building the website decided they won’t put my design into practice entirely, as one of them said at one point: “just because I don’t want to” – haha. I was literally shocked about such replies – maybe I took TVP’s team too seriously and they were in fact a bunch of angry kids. Many messages between me and Roxanne and these people, but nothing really happened. I proposed them to move from the Joomla platform on which the main website was built, to WordPress because we can build it faster and better since that platform is way more well known and you can find tools for WP (plugins) for everything. I wasn’t successful at that either….No one listened. I said I will try to help with making the website if we build it on WP, so I will do more than design it in Photoshop, and I made a big list of what plugins they could use if they moved to WordPress to make a great TVP website. They refused to listen and I can’t tell any real reason why they did that, but one seemed to be that people working on translating the website are not used to WordPress. And I asked them many times what are the priorities: a good website that needs some training for those translating it, or a bad one that is already translated in 4-5 languages? I tried to help with presenting how simple it is to translate websites in WordPress, but again I was largely ignored. Any of my attempts to make them build a better website were turned down in childish manners.

So they started to build the new TVP website in their own ‘view’. After months with very little to no progress on the new website, Roxanne asked me if I can get involved again and try to speed up the work these guys were doing. I did that and speed up the work by a lot because I found a template for them to buy for Joomla that looked very similar to the design I made, so that they wouldn’t build the entire website from scratch as it is no point to reinvent the wheel. They finally saw the advantage and bought that template but failed to project the design I made. It still took them over a year, almost two, to finally make the new TVP website. For me it was a big failure as the new website was not mobile friendly and was very very cluttered (so different from my initial design). I was extremely disappointed and I swore I won’t help TVP with anything else from now on because my months-long design work was largely ignored for no reason.

The irony: a year after this ‘event’ they eventually moved to WordPress for the main website, and they removed the translations….
The more I learned about TVP the more I realized that the details are missing: what do they mean by abundance? How can we really automate all jobs? Is human behavior really influenced by the environment alone? What do they mean by “we need a language that is not subject to interpretation”? And so much more… But instead of complaining about this I thought let’s help bring these details to TVP as much as we can, and I asked if I can take a dead project at that time: the TVP magazine that was basically a website with 96% of articles copy pasted from other sources. I made a demo to show to Roxanne how that online magazine may look like and she loved it a lot. From there on I continued to make more and more issues and take this project to fully manage.

In the year that followed I worked almost every day for the magazine, for free, ignoring the TVP main website entirely because it was such a badly made website and I didn’t want to get involved with it anymore after trying to help with it and being ignored so many times. In this time a few people wanted to help with the magazine and to my surprise, even if these people were TVP folks (from TVP teams) they knew very little about some basic things that TVP itself talks a lot about, such as that design is subjective, and they criticized some of my designs for the magazine saying theirs are better or that I have to follow some strict design rules for designing a magazine, even if this was an online magazine, entirely different from a paper one. These situations where communication was an impossibility made me rethink of who those people from TVP teams are…do they even understand TVP? Anyways despite that I was always open to any of their suggestions – at one point I left a guy do the design for an entire issue the way he thought is better, but Roxanne liked my design more so we stuck with that.

I kept on making more and more issues, tackling very important and essential subjects for TVP such as: abundance, how we can automate most jobs, the influence of genes on behavior, psychology, artificial intelligence, how the monetary system works, why TVP is not about technology, and sooooo much more. Thousands of pages. Years of work. In this time I did everything for the magazine: design, write most articles, promote, I made a website that is very well made and optimized for any device, I offered support, reply to emails, manage the posts I made on social networks for the magazine (3-4 posts a day), managed the financial situation for the magazine, and so on. Everything except proofreading that was done by Ray.

While Roxanne liked the magazine and the articles a lot, it felt like TVPM was not part of TVP since in all of my experience with TVP’s social networks that I also managed for a while, TVP folks (admins and activists) rarely or never provided the magazine as a source of information while replying to people’s comments. I also saw some TVP tours (on youtube) where not even Roxanne was mentioning the magazine when people asked at the end of the tours where they could get more information about TVP. The theme from my point of view was something like this: people asked “How can we automate most jobs?” and TVP folks replying with simple, copy paste answers from Jacque that didn’t address it at all, forgetting that we have a 260 pages long magazine answering in detail this question. If people asked how can people work without being motivated by money, instead of linking to TVPM articles detailing this, TVP Folks again copy pasted simple answers or linked to various other websites than TVP’s, like the magazine. Why!?

It really seems like I somehow spied on TVP to see if they mention the magazine or not, but the reality is that I was always very interested in TVP and always watched all videos on youtube with or about TVP, or interviews, and I was so involved that it was kinda’ hard for me not to spot this.

I used to read a lot of TVP criticism online and try to answer these critiques in detail in the magazine, yet no one seemed to use those articles that are (sometimes) better sourced than Wikipedia. I made a smart search engine so that anyone can easily search for these articles and provide answers for people’s questions. But it looked like this didn’t help. It felt like I was pushing like crazy, work every day (no weekends for me, holidays, and so on) and my work was largely ignored even if I did that for TVP, under TVP’s umbrella.

I told TVP folks many times to write for the magazine so that we expand TVP’s library. Plus, as I told them so many times: while writing for TVPM you learn how to present a subject, how to take in critiques, how to source your claims, how to work in a team, so this was more than expanding TVP’s library. PLUS all of these articles were highly promoted by me so it was an entire system that anyone could take advantage of. But I don’t remember for anyone to do this.
So I tried to create a wonderful tool, TVPM, but TVP ignored it quite a lot and it was never part of TVP.
I always felt like TVP ‘teams’ were not efficient or existent. I’ve been dragged into so many Skype groups where people mainly talked (from my perspective and experience). They had some online meetings, and I listened to many of them, and been to 2-3 of them, and I still think they were mainly to talk, but do nothing more than that. I am sure that many of these people are nice people and with good intentions, but I never understood what is the point of a meeting. You don’t have meetings because is Sunday, you should have them when you want to say or solve something….it was exactly backwards with them from my perspective.

I also saw again the same focus on little and non significant things and not the content, like how the logo for this team should look like, even if there was no team, or a solid one. Some people were looking for a ‘motto’ at one point, for their team, but they had no team :). And these discussions were filling up the many Skype groups I was added to, creating a noise for me while trying to focus on writing articles and do other stuff. I know that I may look like a jackass saying that I was bothered by such things when people try to volunteer to help a good cause, but experiencing this inefficiency for 4 years or more will put a toll on anyone.

I challenge anyone to test if TVP has any teams or solid ones, because from my experience they have none. This sounds too harsh to be true, but test it. Where was the web development team when TVP needed a website? Why did Roxanne ask for my help with websites if they had a team? Why did I ended up helping with posters, editing images, and such, if they supposedly have a ‘media team’? Where was the social media team to promote the magazine, or to manage their twitter, gplus, or make new original posts on FB? Why did I had to do it myself for 98% of the time? What did TVP teams create so far? Let’s be honest, ask that question. How many videos did they create for the past 3-4 years? Why TVP still has a poorly made website after years of supposedly webdev teams and ‘coordinators’? Their social network coordinator (or manager) had no idea how Facebook works and how it ranks posts, or what views are, and I realized that when I was writing this article about Facebook – I took the time to learn these things, and then checked with the coordinator to see what he/she knows, and not much if anything. Basically you can end up a ‘coordinator’ for shallow TVP teams just by luck or maybe talking a lot – that was my impression at least – if I am wrong then ok, but maybe I am not. Sure this sounds so harsh, but I got sick of seeing for the past 4 years people pretending to do something for TVP. Not saying all people were like that, but from my experience that was the theme.

Regardless of any of my ‘opinion’ on this, check for yourself what TVP teams did for the past 4-5 years and make a list to see if they were/are efficient or not. I am not accusing people, but this is the situation I encountered with the TVP teams. I know people are busy with their daily life, but I am not addressing this towards them, but towards the situations that I encountered.
I wanted to prove to Roxanne and the rest that they could have made a website in WordPress in 2012-2013 in just a few days time, and I made it on my own server in 3 freaking days. 3! It was mobile friendly and had more features than their main website. I enthusiastically presented it to everyone, including Roxanne, and….well as far as I can remember no one was impressed. I even showcased how they could move from selling CD’s and DVD’s to stream these videos. But, none of that was really impressive I guess. I just could not believe….It made no dent.
My stupidity and maybe naivety continued and I asked Roxanne again in 2015 to please let me deal with the main website, let me make it because it was so poorly made that I couldn’t even reference it to people. It looked like a ‘scam’ website to be honest. And guess what, Roxanne said ok go for it, rebuild the new website (again…). Not even 2 days pass and she tells me I will have to work with another guy(s) on it and I started to doubt we will make this website because I knew people are so focused on insignificant details, and that’s what actually happened in my view. I was dragged in meetings and lists again, delayed, many times ignored. I told them at one point that I am busy with the magazine, since I was very busy, and I will try to come up with suggestions if I could. That’s because the momentum for me was lost. I had the time to build that damn website in a week, but TVP seems to be so focused on details that even the font color, or logo color are registered as I am told and we could only use certain colors. Also in order for me to design pages I needed photos or else I can’t design the TVP Technologies pages without these photos with TVP models. But TVP wouldn’t share their new 3D renderings even for us to add to the new website, until later on. Very weird in my view.

A year later the website was released and it as (again) more simple and less mobile friendly than the demo one I made in 3 days back in 2012-2013… Yet it took more than a year to be made… I just can’t grasp these things. I also sent a few premium plugins to the guy in charge of the website (plugins that I paid for) as I continued to be a nice guy, but I got no reply from him, ignoring again my help and good intentions. The same guy who refused to share a plugin with me that was paid for TVP website and could have been shared with me for free. I needed it for some personal websites, maybe even for TVPMagazine, but he didn’t share it. Why? Just because. I asked him kindly if he can send it to me as it costs a lot of money and he has nothing to lose, but he refused to do so. 🙁

One more thing to add to the awfulness and I feel ‘mockery’ of my time: even if I was super busy with the magazine I still managed to build several new pages for this new website, despite the fact that they would not send me new 3D renderings to use for the design, but these pages were deleted without anyone telling me when, how, why. Lost hours of my life, again.
Seeing that their last attempt to reorganize TVP seemed a failure as explained many times in this article, and other people leaving from TVP, I asked Roxanne who is managing the main website now. And only one guy was doing that. So I said to make an ‘offer’ to Roxanne for the last time to let me help with the website. I said to give me 6 months trial to let me make the damn website as I think is best, to help them help me, to help them again and help others, to then help them, and so on. I was aiming towards a ‘stunning’ website. Roxanne didn’t say yes to my offer, but didn’t say no. She said to talk to the guy in charge with the website. We talked, but I couldn’t convince him to let me do the demo website on TVP’s servers, so I did in on TVPM servers. I bought a $70 template to build the website (although I was so low on money), and started the work. In a few days I made an awesome website in my view, demoing TVP’s technologies. On each page you visited a full screen video was automatically played with the interiour of cities or the transportation with TVP’s new 3D renderings, so that it looked almost like visiting a new kind of society. All photos were new and high quality, and for example the Circular City page was a special one, something I wanted to do since 2011 and I proposed for the past 4 years but no one listened or implemented: Imagine the TVP circular city on a big screen and you clicking any parts of the city that will open up details about it with photos and videos. The website was interactive, responsive for any screen, and Roxanne indeed liked it very much.

But I had to face the same slowness in responses and indecisiveness from their part. At one point Roxanne told me that we can better use this design for an RBE website they want to build. Mind you we were in an already shitty situation with TVPM from many perspectives, and me trying to help them build a better website was also an attempt to save the magazine by adding it to the main TVP website as Roxanne wanted recently, but now after all my efforts Roxanne decided that we can better build another website for another of their projects….

So that was it, I just could not handle it anymore. They pushed me from one place to another for 4 years when tried to help, they ignored many of my ideas and efforts, and so much more.
Shortly after Roxanne told me about the RBE website, the emails about TVPM discontinuation followed. And at the end of all of our discussions and disagreements lately, I said I will try one last time to cooperate with TVP and I told Roxanne that whatever happened between us we can forget and she has the opportunity to change the situation 180 degrees and I accept for her to do that so is up to her to contact me and talk to me if she wants to as I am available for this. And in a last reply to me, Roxanne didn’t reply 🙂 – as she did so many times.

Now I am so happy I do not depend on such people for anything.

Bottom line: I always tried to help TVP because I felt like it is such an important project, but I found it super difficult to do so. I say give them a try, get involved and try to help them, because this is only my experience though I have heard the same complaints from so many people. One thing TVP must understand is that usually those disadvantaged in this world want to get involved and help with TVP. Those who are already suffering because of today’s world and they want to see a change, so TVP must not give them false hopes and/or ignore them. This may not be entirely TVP’s fault though, since so many people contact them, but a simple reminder that they are busy and they may not reply soon or at all, is a must, because I can’t tell you how many people contacted me or the magazine, because no one from TVP replied to them. These people wanted to help with so many things but no one got back to them. So, TVP, please try to understand that and fix it.

I will continue to talk about the TVP idea, but I don’t want to have anything to do with TVP the organization. And regardless of what a few around TVP may say about me that I do not cooperate well with others, that I want to do things by myself, and so on, at least I am doing something and I want to hear from anyone who felt like it’s so hard to collaborate with me, because I collaborate with anyone and  am super happy when I work with other people. But again, I am at least doing something, creating a ton of new materials in this direction. What does TVP do? What new stuff is TVP creating?

If I misinterpreted something in this article make me aware and I will change my mind! Also, I wrote this article quite fast and for sure there are typos and some parts are hard to properly decipher :D, but I am too busy with TROM and I want to remove TVP from my list of to do things 🙂 so I had to rush with that.

One last mention: the fact that I experienced stress so badly physically was because it was a built up for the past 6 years in which I tried to help this ‘good’ cause and I was sent from here to there, from nonsense to nonsense, and I was ignored so many times, and so many times the replies from Roxanne and others were so vague that they left me in confusion. When I tried for the past year to send a freakin’ newsletter for our Patreon campaign Roxanne was like “that’s great”, then I was left in limbo….then many times she ignored me, other times she replied talking about something else completely, other times she was like “we need to send just one newsletter a month because that’s what we decided”….months and months of this blurriness while trying to get a NO or YES answer to my question about that particular thing. And still never got an asnwer. I was striving to save the TVPM and she and others were slow, they ignored me, they talked about something else, and so on. I asked why TVPM is not represented as a TVP project on TVP’s website…and Roxanne ignored that all the time, giving no answer at all. I am telling you such situations for months and months, and even years, are going to put a toll on anyone.

By the way, all of the TVPMagazne project moved to in case you are not aware of that. I continue the work there with a few other people. We make new magazines (or as we call them “books”) and we also started to make a video series out of these books + transform them in audio books too. So, awesome stuff! 🙂 – If you liked TVPM you will love the new TROM.