A year recap

Just a recap of the past year for me since today is a 1 year anniversary.

A year ago my father started to have serious health issues. He had 3 strokes in a matter of months. He could not talk well, lost some cognitive abilities, and some motor functions.

Same time I started to have abdominal pain that only a month ago faded away. I’ve been to hospitals too many times. Was on painkillers for some time.

For months I lived in terror. Terror that my father would die (every time my mother called I was answering with a lump in my throat); terror for myself because my health problems were kinda mysterious.

For months I was struggling with my motivation to continue with TROM or in life. You get to notice the shitshow this society is, so for someone like me who wants to “change this world for the better” it is the most demoralizing of things.

What kept me afloat was my life with Sasha because I knew I am not alone and together we can help each other and move on. Sasha’s grandma also died this period of time and she was someone who even watched our adventure videos with the motorhome. So sad about that.

For the past few months I was able to get myself back on track with TROM by releasing TROM Articles. My parents were ok and stable now. I supported Sasha to go do a hike by herself in Iceland because I care so much about her and want her to be happy. I thought she will get back and we are both charged up, happy, and ready to really live our lives.

While Sasha was in Iceland my sister got some bad news. She had some health problems that could have been terribly serious. Weeks of waiting for results….so much stress again for all of us in the family.

Sasha comes back she tells me she cheated on me and also wants to break up. The world fell apart for me that day. Next few weeks were the most horrible in my life.

I was getting ready for the eclipse in August when we meet with many wonderful friends – I was so sad Sasha won’t be part of this but so happy to see my best friends. Prepared for this for almost 2 years now and the telescope decided to break after 10 years…just now…

Past week my sister had surgery and that went bad. She was bleeding a lot we had to go to the ER where we waited for 6 hours to have her fixed. It was horrible. Same day my father had the 4th stroke. He had more troubles speaking and was confused.

I failed to pass the car inspection with my motorhome (my home) for the first time in 2 years.

At times we had a wonderful time like when I went together with Sasha for 3 weeks with the motorhome. I feel like crying out of frustration when I think about those times and how they won’t exist anymore.

But overall the world, for me, has been horrible. For my sister too. For my family too.

I feel like I lost my best friend and partner, and partially my father. And I am concerned for the future. Very.

I lost my hope and trust in humans. If Sasha, the most wonderful human on Earth from my perspective, could do this to me and abandon me like that, anyone can. At least that’s how I feel.

I do not have something to cling on for the future, a hope, a desire, something that can pull me towards a better life. I have to create this for myself.

Next few months will be crucial for me, my sister, my parents.

But I discovered FRIENDS. So many people jumped in to help.

Thank you Roma and his parents, Natasha, Benji, Aaron, Lenka, Roko, Shas, Agata, Jeff, Yair, Alexio, Clara, Guil, Dani, Joan, Basti, Xantulon, Matthias, Sofie, Sasha’s mom and everyone else who reached out to me/us and helped us so much.

And so to mention, Sasha was also there to help in case I needed help with my parents/sister. She helped me financially and said I can rely on her with any other help. Too ironic that the most awful for me is what she did to me…I’d prefer no help from her, just to not have done what she did.

Life goes on, but for the past month or so it feels like a stupid dark comedy for me. Too many bad things happening. It’s going to be extremely tough the next months. For now the best is to take it day by day literally and deal with problems one at a time.

In a few days we will meet with some of our wonderful friends. Then we go see the eclipse. Then we all go back. And then the real reckoning will begin. To be able to help my parents, my sister, myself. To be able to find some hope again and accept that my life has to radically change. To find ways to support myself financially. To…to learn how to live a life that is happy and meaningful.

I hope in a year from now, August 2027, my future self will read this from a happy place and look back and think “wow what a shithole I was into back then”. Please be so!

This is life…at times is going to be a horror show for us. And then it will pass. But the process is indeed terrible.

For now, let’s focus on the Eclipse and will see about the rest after that. I hope no more bad news will strike us now….

We are atoms and always will be, in this form or another.